Page 34 of Big Daddy to Go

“I know, Mom. Just back off a little. I’m okay. I’m actually happier than I’ve been in a long time.”

I can’t figure out if what I’m saying is the truth or just something to say to get my mother off my back. What’s even more of a conundrum is whether or not my recent feelings of happiness have to do with Jason being extinguished from my life or Kane entering it.

“I’m happy to hear that,” Mom says. “Want to have lunch tomorrow?”

“Sounds good,” I agree.

After hanging up with my mother, Renata slinks over to my desk.

“Ugh, mothers, right?” She rolls her eyes.

“Renata, just butt out, okay?”

She looks startled by my words. I don’t know what has gotten into me lately. I’m feeling empowered this morning. Maybe there is truth to what I told my mother. And maybe Jason and Kane both have a hand in my rebirth.

This is ridiculous! Am I really suddenly okay after everything that happened with Jason? Or am I simply coping by being with Kane? Maybe Kane is the version of Jason that I always wanted him to be.

Ugh. I can’t keep struggling with these thoughts. Maybe Melanie is right. It isn’t healthy to be with someone who looks like my ex. How can I ever get over what Jason did to me this way?

I knew agreeing to this date was a mistake. If it’s just sex, that’s one thing, but if it’s a real date… it wouldn’t be fair to Kane to make him Jason’s stand-in.