Page 9 of Best Friends

I instantly break out in a cold sweat. This is the moment of truth.

I’ve struggled all night, praying I’d be attracted to Amanda, but I still feel limp as a noodle at the idea of screwing her.

I’m not sure what to do. My heart is racing and it’s difficult to pull in a full breath.

I worry I might be on the verge of a panic attack.

I haven’t had one in years but I feel one coming on.

I can’t go back to Malcolm’s house in this state. I need to get a grip.

I clear my throat and slip out of the booth. “Uh, I’ll be right back. Gotta use the bathroom.”

Head down, I hurry toward the men’s room. As I enter the bathroom, I’m relieved to see it’s empty. I head straight to the sink and I splash cold water on my face. I lean on the counter, staring at my frazzled reflection in the mirror.

How the fuck am I going to have sex with Amanda? Even if I manage to get it up, it’s a douche move when I don’t feel anything for her. I don’t understand why Malcolm seems just fine with the idea of fucking Cecilia, but I’m having a meltdown. Why am I struggling so much, but he’s fine?

I jump when the door opens and Malcolm comes inside. He closes the door and walks toward me, his expression worried. “You sick or something?” he asks.

“No.” I grab a paper towel and wipe my damp face roughly. I toss the crumpled paper into the nearby trash.

“Then why are you in here hiding?”

“I’m not hiding,” I snap. “I… I had to use the bathroom.” I can’t tell him the truth. Not when he’s obviously absolutely fine with taking Cecilia home and pounding her into the mattress.

He narrows his eyes. “Amanda’s giving you the green light, C. She’s super into you. What’s wrong with you?”

I give a croak of a laugh. “That’s a really good question.”

“Amanda’s really hot, dude.”

Nodding, I say, “I know. I have eyes.”

“Then what’s the problem?” He inches closer, and I take a step back. He laughs gruffly. “What’s going on? You’re acting so weird, C.”

I swallow hard. “You know what? On second thought, I don’t feel so great.”

He narrows his gaze. “Are you seriously trying to bail right now?”

“I just… I can’t…” I swallow hard. “I… don’t want.

” I can’t seem to make the words come out of my mouth, and the way he’s looking at me I feel like puking.

Raking a hand through my hair, I move away from him and head into the only stall.

I just need some distance from him while I try to make sense of my scrambled thoughts.

Unfortunately, Malcolm follows me into the stall.

Startled, I meet his frustrated gaze. “Hey, do you mind?” I growl, keeping my gaze fixed on the collar of his shirt. I want to push him out of the stall, but I’m afraid to touch him. I don’t trust myself.

Rather than moving away, he presses closer. “You can’t run away from this and expect things to get better.”

“I’m not running away.”

“Uh-huh. Right.” He huffs impatiently. “Look, I’m trying to get back on track too, you know? But I… I can’t do this alone. You need to get with the program too, C.” That’s the first hint he’s given that maybe he’s struggling as well.

“I know. I’m doing my best.” My voice shakes and I sound like a scared kid. But the heat of his body near mine and the familiar, alpha scent of him messes with my head.

“It shouldn’t be this fucking difficult.” He sounds angry, but when I glance up, he looks more confused than anything.

“Don’t you think I know that, Malcolm?” I wonder if he can see that I want him. He can probably smell my arousal and the scent of slick oozing from my ass. My body is reacting to him as an alpha, whether I like it or not.

“You’ve got to get a grip,” he says hoarsely, his nostrils flared.

“I’m fucking trying ,” I whine, attempting to create distance between our bodies. Desperately trying to get him away from me, I mutter, “I’ll be fine. Just give me a minute and I’ll meet you back at the table.”

“I don’t trust you won’t go out the back,” he grumbles.

“I’m not going to go out the back.”

He presses closer. “We’ve done this with girls a million times.”

“I know. Like I said, give me a second.” I meet his gaze, and his eyes look lighter blue than usual. The dark rim around the iris stands out more. “I promise I won’t bail on you.”

He squints, and it’s obvious he doesn’t believe me. “Amanda’s super into you.”

“I know,” I say brusquely. “You already told me that.”

“Do you want her too?” His breathing speeds up.

“Of course.” I avert my gaze and study the scribbled phone numbers and crude comments carved into the bathroom wall. He can no doubt tell I’m lying. He knows me too well.

“Yeah. And I’m totally into Cecilia.” His tone is blank, emotionless. “I can’t wait to fuck her.”

“Then there’s no problem,” I whisper.

“Everything is just fine.” He surprises me when he touches my cheek. I flinch, but don’t move back. I stand still like I’m afraid if I move, the world will explode.

“Please, go back to the table. I’ll follow in a second. I… I just want to get through this fucking night and go home,” I grate out, closing my eyes against the wave of anxiety at the thought of going back to Malcolm’s house.

“God, C.,” he says hoarsely. “What the fuck are we doing?”

“I don’t know,” I mumble.

My heart races when he shuts the stall door and then takes my chin between his fingers. Staring into my eyes, he bends his head and kisses me. I almost crumple next to the toilet because his warm mouth on mine is exhilarating. I’m frozen for a few seconds, terrified that if I move, he’ll pull away.

But when he lets out an aching groan, I open my mouth greedily under his. He pushes his tongue between my lips, and my throbbing cock strains my pants. I grab his shoulders as lust ravages my body and mind, struggling to comprehend why we can’t keep our hands off each other.

He lifts his head, panting roughly. “I think about that night constantly.” Our gazes lock and the carnal hunger in his is obvious. Judging by his salacious expression, his thoughts haven’t been pure. “Do you?”

“You fucking know I do.” I’m trembling as his hands roam over my back, cupping my ass. We’re both out of control and the thought of that is terrifying. Malcolm is my rock. Malcolm always knows what to do in any situation. If he’s lost, then I’m royally fucked.

“I don’t know if you feel the same, but I want more of you.” He presses two fingers along my crack. Lust glitters in his eyes, and his breath is hot on my cheek. “You want more too, C.?”

I just nod, searching his face nervously.

“I keep feeling like I’m gonna die if I can’t touch you.”

“This is nuts,” I say quietly. I’m scared but I don’t know how to pin down what I’m even terrified of. I’m afraid of everything, it seems. Every scenario scares me: touching him, not touching him. Being honest with him about my feelings or lying. Nothing seems to lead to a good place.

“What’s going on in your head? I can’t read you right now.” His mouth is only inches from mine.

“I don’t want to tell you,” I whisper.

“You can tell me anything.” He kisses the side of my mouth, and I shiver. “It’s okay, talk to me.”

I give a tortured groan. “I’m worried, Malc. I don’t want to lose our friendship. But I can’t stop thinking about you sexually, and it’s killing me.”

“Yeah?”

I nod, staring into his eyes as anxiety gnaws at me.

“Unzip your pants. I need to touch you, C.” he whispers.

“Wha… what?” I bug my eyes. “Here?”

“Fuck yeah.” With shaking hands, he undoes his belt and pants, and I about have a heart attack.

Then he unzips my jeans and I let him. I stare into his eyes as he pushes them and my briefs down below my ass.

My cock springs up, stiff against his thigh, and he brushes his trembling fingers across the sensitive tip.

“Malcolm,” I whimper as shivers of pleasure radiate through me.

“I can’t fight it. I can’t.” He rumbles. “Or maybe I just don’t want to anymore.”

I stand there apprehensive but unable to deny him.

I don’t want to send him away. I need him to do whatever he wants to me.

The cold air teases my exposed cock. Then his pants are down too.

He pushes his hips forward, pressing our dicks together, the heat of his hard flesh against mine is so good I wheeze his name.

“I fucking love you, C.” He says it nervously, and he kisses me again with so much passion I cling to him, needing his support. “And I don’t mean just as a friend either.”

“You shouldn’t say that,” I mutter against his mouth.

“Why not? It’s true.” He slowly starts thrusting his hips, dragging his cock against mine. “I’ve hidden my feelings for so long, but if you want me too, why the fuck would I bother?”

I groan at the feel of his cock sliding against me. “But it feels wrong.”

“Liar,” he growls. “It feels right , but we’re scared, that’s all.”

“Okay, yeah. I’m… I’m definitely scared of what people would think.” Even as I admit that, I press closer to his warm body.

“Forget all that shit.” His hands dig into my back and when he starts thrusting against me rougher, I moan at how delicious the friction is. “Let me make you feel good, baby. We both need this.”

“Malc,” I whine, tempted to climb up his body like a totem pole and wrap my legs around him. What would he do if I did that? If I offered my bare ass to him, legs wrapped around his waist. Would he fuck me? Do I want that?

“I’m crazy about you,” he pants. “Always have been. You’re everything to me. You gotta know that, right?”

I’m not sure what to say to that. I didn’t know that Malcolm had actual feelings for me.

Even after we fooled around in Vegas, I convinced myself we were just horny and it was no big deal.

I doubled down on that when Malcolm acted like Vegas never happened.

As far as I could tell, he’d put everything that happened on that trip behind him.

Apparently not .

“I don’t know anything right now,” I say at last. “I’m confused.”

“Are you? Because your dick is hard. Your dick isn’t confused about what it wants.”