Page 7 of Best Friends

I turn and meet his dejected gaze, and my heart aches. He looks miserable, which only makes me feel awful. My intention isn’t to hurt him, I just needed some space while I figured things out.

He licks his lips, moving closer. He looks nervous as he stops in front of me. “Is… is it because of what happened at the convention?”

“No,” I say way too quickly for it to be true. My face is hot, which probably means it’s also bright red.

He shakes his head. “You’re a god-awful liar, C.”

I ignore him because I don’t know what else to do. If I stick to my everything-is-fine routine, he can’t prove otherwise. “I’m working a lot. Just because I don’t have the energy to hang out at a bar every night doesn’t mean something’s going on.”

Judging by his skeptical expression, he’s not buying it. “Please, I’m begging you, stop lying. You’re insulting me by pretending everything is fine.”

I grimace, but say nothing.

He waves toward me. “It doesn’t take a genius to see you’re avoiding me. We always make time for each other, dude. That’s just what we do. It’s what we’ve always done. But suddenly, you’re just ghosting me.”

There’s pain in his voice, and it cuts deep. He’s right. We’ve always been inseparable—have been forever. Girls we’ve dated even complained about how close we are. They bitched that there was no room for them in our lives.

“Imagine how I feel, C. Suddenly, my best friend doesn’t have time for me.

Ever . I gave you some space at first, but this has been going on for weeks.

I need to know what I did wrong so I can fix it.

And if you tell me one more time you’re just working a lot, I’m going to scream.

” His gaze burns into me, slicing through my bullshit like a Jedi lightsaber.

I swallow hard. “Look… we’ll… we’ll hang out next week, okay?”

He snorts. “You’re just saying that so I’ll shut the fuck up and go away.”

I give a sheepish laugh. “Is it working?”

“Hell no.” His smile is grudging. “I’m here now. We’re hanging out, no excuses.”

I lean against the counter, folding my arms. “Is that right?”

“Yep.” He leans forward and taps his beer can against mine. “We’re going to stuff our faces with pizza and get drunk together. We don’t need a noisy bar to have fun, right? It’ll be just the two of us, like old times.”

My heart aches at the thought of that. It means so much to me that he knows what I’d want and that he wants that too. “Sure you won’t get bored with just me?”

His eyes warm. “Never. You’ve never once bored me.”

I laugh. “Not even when I made you watch and entire season of The Great British Baking Show?”

“Not even then.” He watches me. “So, can I stay?”

I sigh. He looks so hopeful, how can I send him away? “I guess.” Maybe hanging out with Malcolm, just the two of us, will help me move past these possessive, strange feelings I’ve been having. So far, avoiding him hasn’t worked. Might as well try this.

“Yeah?” He brightens. “There’s a game on too.” He turns and sprints for the living room. “Bring the pizza! I call dibs on the remote.”

I groan, but secretly, I’m so fucking happy. “No. You always forget to mute the commercials.”

“Hey, that’s how I discovered Freddy’s Spicy Wings, which you love. So don’t even start.”

When I enter the room, he’s perched in the middle of the sofa. That means I’m forced to sit closer to him than I probably would have. But I’m just happy to have him around, so I just settle next to him, setting the pizza on the coffee table.

I hand him a paper plate and a napkin and open the pizza box. The fragrant scent of tomato sauce and pepperoni fills my nostrils. “Oh, man. I haven’t had Tony’s Pizza in ages.”

He smiles at me, looking content as he helps himself to three big slices. “Me neither. I didn’t want to have it without you.”

I laugh. “Why not?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s kind of our thing.”

My stomach tightens, but I can’t deny I love hearing he was thinking of me. “I guess it is.”

He smiles at me. “It’s been too long since we’ve done this.”

“Yeah.” I bite into my pizza as the game starts. It doesn’t take long before we fall back into our usual routine of joking around and yelling at the TV. The beer gives me a nice buzz and my belly is full of delicious pizza.

At one point, Malcolm looks over at me. “Hey, C.?”

“Yeah?” I meet his gaze and the warmth and affection I see there makes my chest hurt.

“I’ve missed you,” he says softly. “You wouldn’t believe how much.”

I smile back at him, feeling relief that he still wants to be my friend. Usually I’d say something snarky, but I don’t feel snarky right now. I feel happy and grateful to have Malcolm sitting on my couch. “I missed you too, Malc.”

We go back to watching the game and are jazzed when our team wins.

We crack open more beers and talk about work for a long while.

When the clock strikes midnight, Malcolm helps me take the plates and empty cans into the kitchen.

Once the kitchen and living room are clean, we stand near the sink, watching each other.

In the past, Malcolm would have stayed this late without a second thought.

But now the atmosphere is charged with something different, and I know he feels it too.

Eventually, he says quietly, “Do you want to talk about what happened at the fishing convention?”

I inhale sharply. “No.”

He furrows his brow. “I think we should.”

“Why?”

“Because after that happened is when things changed with us.” He bites his bottom lip. “Ever since then, you’ve seemed different toward me.”

“I don’t think I’ve been different,” I lie.

“Come on,” he says softly. “That’s not true and you know it. You’ve been strange since that weekend. I… I can feel you pulling away from me, and I hate it.”

I’m conflicted. Part of me wants to talk about what happened so we can move past it. But a bigger part of me wants to pretend it never happened. I’m still confused about my new feelings for Malcolm, but scared that if I fully acknowledge them, it’ll blow up our friendship.

“I just want to go back to how it was,” I mumble because ultimately, that truly is what I want.

He nods slowly. “Me too. I’m hoping that talking will help us get there.”

I groan. “Talking about it is too awkward.”

He shrugs. “Pretending it didn’t happen is what’s making it awkward.”

I narrow my eyes. “No, I think sucking each other’s cocks is what’s making it awkward.”

His cheeks flush. “Okay, fair enough. But we were just horny. It was no big deal. If a strange girl can suck my dick and it not be weird, why’s it worse when my friend does it? At least we know each other and care about each other.”

“I don’t think it’s as simple as just replacing a stranger’s mouth with a friend’s,” I grumble. “We crossed a line in our friendship, and it feels like it was a big deal. To me, at least.”

He steps a little closer. “Why?”

I sigh, meeting his puzzled gaze. “Because I’m confused as to why it happened at all. Why’d you suggest it and why the fuck did I go along with it?”

His cheeks look even redder. “I’m not sure. I mean, we were drunk.” He rubs his jaw. “That obviously contributed.”

“Yeah. But no matter how blitzed I’ve been in the past, I’ve never had the urge to be with a guy before.

” As the admission leaves my lips, I realize it actually feels really good to finally say that aloud.

Malcolm has been acting so nonchalant about what happened, it made me feel like something was wrong with me for being freaked out.

“Okay.”

I grimace. “I’ve never wanted another guy before. Never, Malcolm. Not once has it ever occurred to me to suck another guy’s dick.”

A muscle works in his cheek, but then he sighs. “Yeah, I… I know. Me neither.”

“So then, why’d we go there?” I ask plaintively. “It makes no sense to me.”

He drops his chin and sighs. “I’m not sure what made me suggest that.

” For once, he sounds as confused as I feel.

His face is tight and I can see he’s struggling with his words.

“It didn’t feel wrong in the moment. To be honest, even now, the only problem I have with it happening is that you’re upset.

That’s what’s bothering me. It’s not that we did it. It’s that you’re upset about it.”

“I’m not upset. I… I’m confused.”

“How can I help you?” His gaze is sincere. “I don’t want to lose your friendship, C. I can’t lose your friendship. So how do I help you get past what we did with each other?”

I rub my face, trying to organize my scattered thoughts. “Hell if I know.”

“Do you have concerns? Worries?” He nudges.

I shrug and meet his gaze. “I suppose I do have some questions.”

He crosses his arms. “Okay, shoot. You can ask me anything.”

I hesitate. “Well… now that you did that with me… do… do you… um… want other guys now too?”

He gives a sharp laugh. “Hell no.”

“No?” I’m surprised by the relief that washes through me. It’s hard enough watching him with women, but it might be even harder if he was hitting on men in front of me too.

“I have no attraction to other guys.” He rubs the back of his neck, grimacing. “I liked it with you though. I won’t lie. It was hot. But, so far, I don’t want any other guy.”

“Okay.”

He shifts uneasily. “Would it bother you if I did?”

The idea of him with some dude makes my jaw tighten. “Honestly, I’m not sure how I’d feel if I saw you hitting on some guy. I’m not saying that’s your problem, I’m just being honest.” I’m not about to mention how much I hate watching him with women too. That isn’t something I want to bring up.

“Full disclosure…” He watches me under his brow. “It would mess with my head if I saw you with another guy too.”

My chest tightens at his admission. It’s weirdly comforting to hear that. At least I’m not alone in this. “Would it?”

“Yeah.” He rubs the back of his neck, appearing muddled.

“So what do we do now?” I ask quietly. “How do we go back to the way it was?”

“I’m not sure.” He brightens. “Maybe we should go on a double date or something? Like old times.”

“A double date?” I grit my teeth. He has no idea I’m struggling with women hitting on him, and I’m not ready to admit that either.

“Sure.” He nods. “We used to do it all the time. It might be just the thing we need to get back to normal.”

“Maybe,” I mutter, literally hating the idea.

Apparently not noticing my reticence, he continues. “Cecilia keeps bugging me to go out again. I was going to blow her off, but I just remembered she said she has a friend who thinks you’re sexy.”

“Not sure I’m up for a blind date, Malc.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun.” He smiles at me. “We can have dinner and drinks, then go back to my place. It’ll be great.”

The thought of watching him with a girl makes me feel sick.

But I can’t say that. Not if we’re trying to go back to how things were before.

I have to come up with some other reason I don’t want to go on a double date.

“I don’t know, I’m working so much right now.

I’m not really sure I have time for that right now. ”

He scowls. “The motorcycle convention ended tonight. By Friday, Whispering Pines will be back to normal and the overtime will dry up. There’s no reason you can’t go on this double date.”

“I guess that’s probably true,” I murmur, trying to hide my dread.

“We have to get back on the horse sometime, C.” He shrugs. “Let’s just go out with Cecilia and her friend and… you know… get back in the saddle.”

I’m distracted by all the horse metaphors, but mostly I’m just stressed. The idea of him with anyone—girl or guy—makes me feel messed up. “So you’d feel weird if I hit on a guy, but you’re totally fine with me screwing some girl in front of you?”

His Adam’s apple bobs, and he avoids my gaze. “We’ve done it plenty of times before. We just need to get back to how things were,” he insists. “Isn’t that what we both want?”

“Yes.”

“Then we should do this. I’m going to set it up. You in?”

I’m not sure watching each other bang some random girls is going to fix anything. He obviously wants to believe that will work, but I’m on the fence about it. “I’m going to have to get back to you on that.”

“Why are you hesitating?” His eyes are bright with frustration. “We like girls, right? You… you still like girls, right?”

“Of course,” I answer robotically. Never mind the fact that I can’t stop thinking about deep throating him. No problem. I’m just a perfectly straight guy who likes to suck his best friend’s cock now and then. Totally not gay.

“Okay.” Despite this being his plan, he looks about as thrilled as if he’s suggesting we get root canals together. “So, I’ll call Cecilia and set dinner up with her and her friend. Then we can just go back to being how we used to be. Does that sound like a plan?”

I exhale roughly. “Fine. If it means this much to you, I’ll do it.”

He forces a smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Great. I’ll arrange the whole thing and things will be back on track before we know it, C.”

“Absolutely,” I say woodenly.

“Okay.” He claps his hands together and moves toward the front door. “I’m glad that’s all settled.” He opens the door and looks at me over his shoulder. “I’ll let you know the date and time we can meet the girls.”

Following him to the door, I avoid his gaze. “Can’t wait.”

“Me either. Should be a really fun time.” He squeezes my shoulder, and I brace myself against the rush of need that hits me at his touch.

I don’t know how watching him sleep with a girl is supposed to drive away this new, confusing attraction I have for him, but I’m willing to try anything. I’m not ready to walk away from our life-long friendship.