Page 22 of Best Friends

The room is dark by the time we get off the bed.

Malcolm leads me to the shower, and I’m grateful of his help.

I’m as weak as a kitten. The sudden arrival of my heat has me trembling and dazed.

His seed leaks down my inner thighs as I stand beneath the warm shower spray.

He tenderly washes my body, kissing me every few minutes.

Malcolm looks tired but happy. He smiles sweetly at me whenever our eyes meet, and my heart melts.

He’s very gentle when he cleans the bite mark on the side of my neck.

His touch is possessive as he helps me from the shower.

I’m still in shock that he’s officially claimed me.

I love Malcolm more than anything in this world, but if I’m honest, I wasn’t emotionally ready to be claimed by anyone.

This situation came about because I suddenly went into heat.

I feel uneasy as the haze of my heat begins to lift and reality returns.

I know Malcolm will want the world to know that he’s claimed me.

He won’t be able to help that impulse. Alphas are territorial and he’ll want to claim what’s his.

Even though I love the feel of his bite on my skin, and I love Malcolm, I’m worried.

Worried about my job. If I’m pregnant, and the odds are I am, that could cause my co-workers to start questioning my ability to do my job.

I’ve seen that happen to many omegas in my department over the years.

Should have thought of that before I let Malcolm breed me.

Obviously that’s true, but logic doesn’t exist when an omega goes into heat.

I was completely out of my mind with lust. Malcolm was also out of control because my heat forced him into an alpha rut.

We’d both been at the mercy of our instincts in that moment.

Now I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to lose Malcolm, but I also love my job.

As I slowly dress in sweats and a T-shirt, I watch Malcolm as he strips the sheets from the bed and replaces them with clean ones.

Once he’s finished, he helps me back under the cool covers.

He joins me, which makes me happy. I nestle into his warm body, inhaling his piney scent.

It’s strange how I already feel like I belong to him.

But I need to talk to him about my concerns regarding my job.

“Is everything okay?” he asks softly, as if reading my mind.

I hesitate. I need to be honest, but I’m scared he’ll be hurt. That’s the last thing I want. I clear my throat. “Would you be upset if we kept this to ourselves for now?” I ask tentatively.

He goes very still. “Do you regret what happened?”

“No, not at all.” I frown and sit up on my elbow. The lamp on the nightstand is lit and he looks worried.

“You invited my bite, C.” He sounds defensive.

“I know.” I touch his arm. “Malc, I don’t regret what happened at all. I’m just worried about my job.”

“Your job?” He frowns, appearing confused.

“You’ve seen how the department treats pregnant omegas.”

He chews on the inside of his cheek, looking uncertain.

“I don’t want to be sidelined because I’m carrying your kid. If this pregnancy takes, that could easily happen. The minute Captain Jones knows an omega is pregnant, he puts them on restricted duty.”

“Well, he only does that because he’s concerned for the health of both the omega and the baby.”

I narrow my eyes. “I get that once the pregnancy is advanced. But he does that the second he knows. That’s completely unnecessary.”

He shrugs. “I still say he’s just trying to protect them.”

“Even if that’s true, he’s overreacting.” When he doesn’t look convinced, I scowl. “I don’t want to ride a desk, Malcolm. That’s bullshit. I’ve worked too hard to get where I am.”

He doesn’t argue, but he also doesn’t say anything that makes me think we’re on the same page.

“So, if… if you agree, I think we should wait to say anything about you claiming me until we know for sure if I’m pregnant. Because the minute people know you claimed me, they’ll assume I’m with child.” I swallow hard. “What do you think?”

“I think you’re making it clear you regret what happened.”

“No, not at all,” I rasp. “I’m just saying let’s wait until we’re sure before we torpedo my career.”

His mouth thins, but when he speaks he sounds calm. “So, are you saying if you figure out you are indeed pregnant, then you’ll be fine telling people about us?”

I grimace. “Not exactly. I’d like to milk it as long as possible. Keep working as long as I can. What if, if I’m pregnant, we keep it quiet until I start to show?”

“People will see the bite on your neck.”

I wave him off. “Oh, I can hide that with a Band-Aid.”

He winces.

I clear my throat. “As far as a baby bump goes, that will take a while to materialize. That would give me time to come to terms with the situation.”

“Come to terms with the situation?” he repeats.

“You know what I mean.”

He gives a humorless laugh. “C., don’t you think you’re being a little callous about my feelings?”

I frown. “What do you mean?”

He wrinkles his brow. “What just happened between us was special, C. At least, it was to me. I… I’ve never wanted to claim an omega before. I gave you my bite. But you’re acting like the idea of being my mate is some horrible inconvenience you have to endure.”

“I don’t mean it like that.” I frown. “I love you, Malc. You know I do. I just don’t want to ride a desk because of that love.”

“I understand that would be a drag. But, I… I claimed you. You wanted that. You asked for it. Didn’t you think about the consequences at all?”

My face warms. “No. Being in heat is like being insane, Malcolm. I barely knew what I was doing.”

His face pales. “So then, you do regret what happened.”

“No… I…” I trail off, unsure of what to say to convince him. The conversation isn’t going how I expected. He’s so defensive he’s not really listening. He’s just assuming I’m rejecting him. “All I’m saying is let’s hold off for a little bit before letting everyone know about us.”

“What about if you’re not pregnant? There would be no worry about riding a desk.”

“True.” I shrug. “But is there really any harm in still holding off telling everyone? Is it really anyone’s business but ours?”

“But, I want to tell people.”

I grimace. “I know. But I’m not ready.”

Disappointment shifts through his eyes. “Is there always going to be a reason why you won’t tell people about us, C.? Because, if I’m honest, it’s beginning to feel like that to me.”

“This isn’t about us ,” I say more testily than intended. “This is about my job .”

“Not if you’re not pregnant it isn’t.”

I hesitate. “Right, but I still prefer keeping things private for a while. Why is that such a problem for you? Who cares if other people know, so long as we’re together and happy?”

“Because I’m proud that you’re my omega. Do you not feel the same about me being your alpha?”

I blink at him. “Of course I’m proud.”

“Yeah, you’re so proud you want to hide my bite with a Band-Aid.” He sounds bitter.

“That isn’t because I don’t love you or want to be yours. How many times do I have to tell you I love you before you believe me?”

“Actions speak louder than words.”

“Jesus, Malcolm,” I grate. “What is your obsession with other people knowing you claimed me? This only happened because my heat suppressants failed.”

He flinches, the color draining from his cheeks. “Is that right?”

I hold out a hand, guilt tugging at me when I see his wounded expression. “What I meant to say was this wouldn’t have happened so soon. Of course I hoped it would happen one day.”

“You sure about that?” A muscle ticks in his jaw, and he won’t meet my gaze as he gets off the bed and starts dressing quickly. “Well, don’t worry. I think I get it now. My lips are sealed. You can keep your secret, C.”

I get off the bed too, anxiety eating at me. “Come on, Malc. You’re not really leaving, are you?”

Still not meeting my gaze, he grates out, “I am.”

Frustration washes through me. “I don’t get it. You were okay with not telling anyone before. Why is this such a big deal all of a sudden?”

His jaw clenches. “First of all, I wasn’t okay with not telling anyone before. I was simply going along with what you wanted. Second, that questions tells me a lot about your state of mind. It’s like nothing has changed for you.” He pulls on his shirt, his mouth a grim line.

“You’re making this into such a big deal for no reason.”

“Claiming someone is a big deal to me,” he growls, facing me. “Obviously not to you though.”

“That’s not true.”

He licks his lips, eyes feverish. “I’m really confused by you. I… I don’t know why you urged me to claim you. Was I just there when you needed an alpha? Would you have been just as happy with any random alpha who happened by, C.?”

“No, of course n… not. I… I knew it was you, Malc,” I mumble lamely.

His laugh is bitter. “You’re not very convincing.”

I blow out a frustrated breath. “I’m telling the truth. I wanted your bite. But obviously, if I hadn’t gone into heat, I would’ve preferred to wait for that to happen.”

“So then I’m right. You do regret it happened.”

“No… I… you… you’re twisting my words.” I grit my teeth. “Listen, you’re the only alpha I want. Okay? Is that plain enough for you? I just don’t understand why other people need to know about our business.”

Pain shimmers in his eyes. “We’re talking in circles. I need to get out of here. My heart can’t take another minute of this shit.” He strides to the bedroom door and he disappears down the hallway.

As he leaves the house, he doesn’t slam the door or anything that dramatic.

But that’s almost worse because he’s so controlled and disconnected.

I race down the stairs and open the front door just in time to see him driving away.

My heart aches as he disappears down the street.

I touch the tender bite mark on my neck, feeling sick.

“Fuck,” I mutter.

From the moment Malcolm and I started sleeping together, my biggest fear has been losing him. I can’t even imagine a world without Malcolm in it. I don’t want to. Seeing how hurt and angry he was just now, it makes me feel panicked. He won’t just turn his back on me, right? Not after he claimed me.

I wish I could make him understand why I don’t want everyone knowing about us yet.

It isn’t because I’m not proud to have him as my alpha.

I’m over the moon proud that Malcolm would want me.

But being out of the spotlight is when I’m most comfortable.

I’ve always lived in Malcolms shadow, happily.

He loves attention, while I hate it. He’s the life of the party, while I prefer to watch him shine from a distance. Our dynamic has always been sympatico.

Until now.

Malcolm wants me to join him in the spotlight. He wants to drag me out of the shadows, so that I stand beside him. Why does that seem so terrifying? Why does the thought of the world knowing Malcolm loves me scare me so much?

Is it because I worry I’ve never been worthy of his attention? I’ve often wondered what he saw in me. Why he liked me so much. Why he fought for my friendship when I wasn’t an easy person to befriend. Even as a child, I was shy and standoffish. But he pushed and pushed until we became inseparable.

Am I scared that if Malcolm starts to see me through the eyes of the world, he’ll see the real me? And in doing so he’ll realize how unworthy I truly am?