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fifty-three

Cold February Air

Jade

Last night, after leaving the Clubhouse, Spade and Ryder went to do their own thing. Big Man was at The Mill doing some office work that he refused to talk about, so I went to bed after flipping Jameson the finger as I walked up the stairs. The growl that left that man's throat was invigorating and I truly love pissing him off. He wasn’t lying when he said he likes to fuck me while I sleep, because two nights in a row, I’ve woken up to him between my legs with a knife, slicing down my thighs, licking up the blood from each cut and spitting it onto my clit as he made me cum repeatedly on his face. Which only meant I fell asleep and slept so fucking hard after, that when I woke up, I didn’t know where the fuck I was. It took me a second, but I felt so fucking rested despite the nausea and red marks all over my body. He marks everywhere except for my belly.

When I finally made it downstairs this morning, there were prenatal vitamins, freshly squeezed orange juice, fruit and toast waiting for me. My heart swooned a little knowing they took the effort to make sure I was taken care of. They even left me a note letting me know they would be back soon, that I needed to be ready to go with them to place the bombs around the school. I only want to go to get my fucking pistols I left in the safe, along with any money I had hidden under the floorboards.

While I was at the Clubhouse, I found out how much a piece of shit Kayla truly is and how Ryker didn’t even know he had a child. Ryder told him the details, and now they are hunting for her, Slim, and the baby. I told him about Flynn and what my first order of business is and he has no problem with it as long as his son is safe. He also slid me a check from my–Big John's will for two point five million dollars that I cannot touch until I am married or twenty-five. Whichever comes first. Technically, according to Spade, we are already married, hence why Ryker handed me the check and not just a file of information. They also left the bar for me to decide what to do with later. Ryker inherited the Club and the mechanic shop where Ryder got the main house, the three safe houses, all the money left in the bank accounts, and safety deposit boxes. Even though I got the most, everyone’s inheritance damn near equals that, and my brothers don’t give a shit. As long as they have a place to rest their heads, they could give two fucks.

The front door opening lets me know the guys are back. I take my vitamins and down my OJ, reveling in the tangy taste as the pulp flows down my throat. I moan as I place a strawberry in my mouth, biting down on the plump fruit. Strawberries are my favorite next to cantaloupe and watermelon, but there's truly nothing like a ripe cold peach. God, I need the summer to come so I can get all the fresh fruits at the market stands. Who am I kidding? I'll never be allowed to leave the house alone, let alone wander around the fruits and vegetable markets. The minute I take the Irish Oath and become the first lady of their kind to be in the council, I’ll always have security up my ass, day and night. Why am I suddenly letting this hit me now? Is this what they call a pregnancy brain?

“You ready, my little prego puff?” Spade teases and I roll my eyes.

“Yes, I am,” I reply, and Jameson shoves Spade out of the way, grabbing my hips. Our eyes lock as he searches for god knows what. His blue eyes are wild today.

“Siren, did you take your vitamins and drink your juice?” He asks, placing his thumb under my chin, tilting it higher to look at him.

“Yes.” I say in annoyance.

“Don’t get annoyed with me. It’s good for the babies,” he says and I nod.

“That’s what I keep hearing.” I respond as he bends down, brushing his soft lips across mine.

“Tonight, I’d like to be alone with you,” he whispers, and I smile.

“We shall see.” I respond, but his grip on my chin tightens.

“We shall, brat,” he snarls, releasing me as Dario saddles up next to me.

“How did you sleep?” He asks.

“Solid, I think. I didn't wake up hauling ass to the bathroom seventy-five times, so that’s a plus.” I laugh as he cups my face.

“Good, but it’s natural to get nauseous. It means the babies are healthy and growing,” he says, and I can’t help but swoon for this man.

“Have you been doing research?” I ask, and he laughs.

“No, I ordered baby books for us to read,” he says, and I roll my eyes.

“You guys weren’t kidding about this whole obsession, huh?” I say, and he shakes his head excitedly.

“You don’t know the half of it, Kitten.” He says, taking my hand and leading me to the front door as Spade tosses me a black hoodie.

“It’s chilly this morning. Keep my babies cozy in there.” He smirks and I roll my eyes. For fucks sake.

Sliding the hoodie on, I take an extra second and inhale the scent. Woodsy-vanilla and weed. I stumble back as my vision goes white to see Spade standing outside of my garage looking wild as he cups my face. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but his lips are telling me he loves me. A tear falls from my eye as someone or somebody holds my hips and helps finish putting the hoodie over my body. Spade’s face comes into the light and I blink and blink again.

“Babygirl. What did you see?” He says panic-stricken.

“Us, and you telling me you love me.” I confess as tears stream down my face. He wipes them away as the others walk out the front door, giving us a minute.

“Don’t cry, Jade. I do fucking love you. And I’ll tell you every single day for the rest of my life until you believe it.” He shouts with a big smile on his face. I grip his shirt, pulling him down to me.

“I already believe it. I feel it, but I just want to remember it.” I whisper, and he slams his lips against mine, kissing me like it's the last breath he’s going to take. I slide my hands up his back as he pulls me in closer to him, letting him take over the kiss. The way his tongue flicks mine, and how slowly he explores my mouth, makes me want to strip for this man and submit to his every want and need. Fuck. He pulls away too soon, leaving me pouting.

“Mine.” Kiss. “Until.” Kiss. “Death.” Kiss. “Do us.” Kiss. “Part.” Kiss. “Wifey.” He says with a smile.

“Why does that sound so perfect leaving your lips?” I ask and he shrugs.

“I don’t know, baby, but let's go blow some shit up.” He says, placing his hand out. I nod, taking it as he leads me to the Ram with the others. Jameson was so happy to see his baby parked here. He’s very meticulous about his belongings and doesn’t like people touching his stuff. I find it funny watching him lose his shit. I’m just waiting for the pot to boil over and see what he does. I’m low key interested in seeing The Carver, but the other part of me keeps warning not to bait him.

Spade opens the door for me and helps me into the lifted truck. Jameson immediately grabs the seatbelt and makes sure I’m safely secured in my seat. Rolling my eyes, I change the station and the growl that leaves his throat is laughable.

“Jesus fucking Christ. What other rules are there? If I would’ve known that I couldn't touch the radio, I would have taken my own damn car.” I seethe.

“Never touch my radio. I have a certain music taste, and you missy, will not play Dj in here.” He states and I look at him with narrowed eyes.

“I’m not listening to your country music. So, I might as well go in my own car,” I say, reaching for my belt and he growls again.

“Move a fucking muscle and watch what happens,” he grits and I’ve about had it with his attitude.

“What the fuck is your problem? Do you think just because I don’t remember you, that I’m scared or intimidated by your bullshit, because sir, let me give you a fucking clue. I–”

“Enough, the two of you. Let’s get this fucking job done.” Dario orders and I fold my hands over my chest and huff.

“I don’t miss this shit at all.” Spade grumbles as Jameson turns the volume up and sings to ‘Cry Me a River’ by Justin Timberlake. I stare out the window, trying to bite back a laugh as we fly through the streets of Whitestone wanting to get this part of the day over with. I could’ve let them do this by themselves, but I need to check my old room for my pistols. I can’t remember for the life of me the last time I had them, and the guys insisted that they were in the safe in my room. I want my babies, I feel naked without them. My other guns just don’t have the same weight that Thelma and Louise do, so putting them on my shoulder holster feels very heavy and I don’t like it.

Getting nauseous, I roll down the window some and let the cold crisp air whip around my face. Taking a deep breath, I roll it down all the way and lay my head halfway out the window.

“Princess, that’s not very safe,” Jameson states, but I don’t listen. I need air and the chilly wind makes me feel alive.

Looking over at him, I flip him the bird and shut my eyes.

“Let me live my life, asshole. The cold feels amazing.” I shout, and he shakes his head.

“Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Can we do something together?” Spade asks, and I internally groan. Which I know I shouldn’t because D’mitri never treated me the way these guys do, and that fucker and holidays didn’t mix. Pulling my head back in the window, I stew on what we could do.

“I have to pick something up tonight for tomorrow, but it’s up to you, Kitten. What would you like to do?” He asks, but Jameson interrupts.

“Dario, I’ll go with you tonight because I need your help with something,” he says and Spade leans forward, whispering in my ear.

“Ya know what that means, Babygirl? We get the house to ourselves. I wonder how many times I can make you cum before they come back.” He groans and I whip around in my seat.

“Until I can’t breathe.” I say, and his face lights up with mischief.

“But I get her for the night. You two can go find somewhere else to sleep.” Jameson states and I laugh.

“Listen here, Caveman, a spot in my bed next to me is earned, asshole. You don’t call the shots.” I say sternly, and he laughs at me. Legit laughs, ladies and gentleman, and that mother fucking smirk hasmy panties soaked.

“Don’t play games with me. You won’t win, Princess. I always get what I want. Learn that now. It will make our lives so much easier.” He smirks, showcasing that damn dimple again as we enter the school gates.

“We’ll see about that.” I huff. I swear one of these days, he will submit to me.

Pulling up to the front steps, we all pile out and walk around the building, placing the bombs in the agreed spots. I take off inside the building as they follow, having to walk up all these flights of stairs.

“Wait, let's check the elevators, just in case.” Spade suggests, hitting the button and look at that, we are in luck.

“I guess they never turned off the electricity in this place. It’s been a little over what, two months since the shootout?” Dario says and I take a deep breath as we enter the elevator, clicking number eleven. It’s really quiet in this place and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. The doors swing open when we arrive on my floor. Stepping out, we walk down the long hallway as white flashes begin to hit me, but I see nothing.

“C-can someone please hold on to me. I-I think I’m remembering something. Just please, whatever happens, let it. I need to know.” I warn as I feel all three of them surround me.

“Princess, I’m right behind you. Spade’s to your right, and Dario is to your left. We’re right here. Can you walk us through it? This will really help us understand what happened,” he whispers against my neck.

“I’ll try my best. Just bear with me.” I say as we continue to walk and flashes of myself come and go.

“Bloody snow, black smoke, dead bodies, the lake, stairs.” I say, listing off what I see.

“That’s good, Kitten, keep going.” Dario encourages.

"Walking up the stairs, I exchange words with Kayla, she’s not happy. Onlookers are gaping at me. Hands full of blood. Running into Slim but I can’t make out what he says.” I continue as we reach the dorm door. Placing my thumb against the readers, the white light hits me so hard, and I scream as they all latch on to me. The door opens as I blink, seeing myself walking into the suite, searching for something.

“I’m looking for something, but I’m not sure what.” I say, then I stop as a gasp leaves my mouth.

“What is it?” Spade asks.

“I’m picking up the revolver, placing it to my head, and pulling the trigger, but nothing happens. I throw it on the couch and go in search of something. Heading to my room.” I whisper.

“Ok, let’s head there,” Jameson orders as we take a left to my room. Creeping the door open, I immediately go to my safe. Putting in the code, opening it up, it's empty. Fuck.

“Fuck, my head is pounding.” I say as I trip over the floorboard, Dario there in a second to catch me. He puts me back on my feet and I look at the floor.

“Someone check under that floorboard. I might’ve stashed money in there.” I say as another flash of light blinds me, showing me in Kayla’s room, playing Russian roulette with needles.

“What the fuck?” I say, running to Kayla’s room. Swinging the door open, I fall to my knees as the empty syringe lays on the floor next to the others.

“Siren, explain to me what I’m fucking looking at.” Jameson orders.

“I chose the purple one, but I feel like I already know what the orange and green did, but I chose the purple and slammed it into my neck.” I say, looking up at him and his eyes go wide.

“What happened next? How the fuck did you get to the lake?” He questions. I rise from my feet, holding his hand as we walk out of Kayla’s room. Another flash hits me, bringing me to my knees again. Tears immediately fall down my face.

“I-I see a little boy floating, no, no, I see myself ripping the balcony doors open to get a better look and then I’m flying out of my room. When I make it to the lake, I still see the little boy but then there’s a blonde girl as well.” I sob.

“She took Violet Lucy. One of the newer drugs I created with Kayla that wasn’t ready for production. It clearly made her hallucinate. She didn’t try to kill herself. It was the drug.” Jameson spits.

“Why the fuck would I kill myself? I mean, the thoughts were probably there, but if I’m going to take myself out, I’ll just put my own bullet in my head. Not go drown in the lake I'm terrified of.” I hiccup.

“Babygirl, when we found you floating in that lake, after everything that happened, you cannot blame us for thinking that. On top of the fact that I ran into the freezing lake, not knowing how to swim. You may not remember, but I hate pools of water. It terrifies me from childhood trauma, so seeing the girl I love floating, fucked me all the way up.” Spade confesses and I gasp as he crouches down next to me, cupping my face.

“Don’t cry, Babygirl. You’re alive. You’re breathing and perfect. Come on, let's blow this shit hole up and move forward.” He says, lifting me to my feet. I look around the room at the others.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that you all found me like that and thought the worst. I can’t imagine how scared you all were. I’m so fucking sorry.” I cry, holding my head in my hands as they all surround me, hugging me with their warmth.

“Shh, Kitten. You’re safe, now.” Dario says.

“You bleed, Siren. You bleed red, and that’s all I can ever ask for.” Jameson whispers.

“Thank you guys, thank you for not giving up on me.” I whisper and they grunt, groan and moan as they all place kisses on different parts of my body, rubbing my little bump.

“Alright, enough of the heavy. Let's go light this bitch up.” Spade whoops and I can’t help but laugh.

They’re right, I'm safe, I'm home. I’m exactly where I need to be, and that’s with them.