Page 56 of Becoming Us

Blissfully blank.

The drums vibrated up from the floor into my heels, through my knees, along my spine, and out through my fingertips. Each beat gave me a little more air, like I was inhaling rhythm instead of oxygen.

A call pierced through the music. “Noah!”

I stopped short, the rest of the track still roaring from the speakers.

“For fuck’s sake,” my mother snapped.

I turned toward the doorway, blinking like I’d surfaced from underwater. Holly stood just inside my room, her hand on the doorframe, while my mom reached for the speaker and lowered the volume.

I dragged my sweat-slicked hair away from my hairline, trying to catch my breath. “What?”

Her expression was pure exasperation. “Holly’s been here for ten minutes. We’ve called your phone and knocked on the door. I had to get Jaz to unlock it.”

“It’s fine, Ms. Rossi,” Holly said quickly. “I’m used to it.”

“Why are you even playing before class?” my mom asked, arms crossed.

“I’m auditioning for a band.”

She rolled her eyes. “You could be making better use of yourself, Noah.”

I plastered on a sugarcoated smile. “Yeah, well, wasting away my talents seemed like a fun thing to do today.”

“Just answer your phone next time,” she muttered, already turning away.

Holly watched her leave with a tight expression. “One might argue you’re not supposed touseyour kids for anything, but who am I to judge?” she said under her breath.

“Sorry. I’m done. Just need to grab my stuff.”

She dropped onto the edge of my bed. “Take your time.”

I grabbed my backpack, hands still buzzing from the adrenaline. My heart was racing, but not from the music anymore. I was nervous—ridiculously so—for the audition later. I had no idea why. Colin was the one who’d forced the conversation and set it up. I didn’t even know the other guys in the band. They were all seniors, and two didn’t even go to our school.

Holly drove us, like she always did, and pulled into the lot. I still had classes ahead of me before the audition, but the nerves didn’t go anywhere. That tight feeling clamped around my chest like something had already gone wrong—I just didn’t know what.

My latest therapist had called it anxiety. Given me breathing exercises. Prescribed pills. I’d been on them for a week, and so far, all I’d noticed was a constant dry mouth and a desperate craving for water.

“What time are you meeting them?” Holly asked as she shut her door.

“Four.”

My phone buzzed. A message from James, one of the only people I still talked to from my modeling days.

James

come hang out Noah

Marci said she wants to see you

unlimited vodka

that’s your thing right?

Me

not tonight man