Page 120 of Becoming Us

“I’m not mad,” I snapped.

His eyes sharpened. “Are you sure about that?”

“I’m sad, okay?” I said. “I’m not fucking mad. I’m just—I feel like shit, and I need a minute to stop feeling that and make sense of it.”

His shoulders sagged. “How are you going to make sense of it?”

I shrugged, looking away. “I shouldn’t have asked. You’re not ready. I need to accept that and let it go.”

“I’m sorry, Noah.”

That didn’t make it sting any less. I slumped down on the floor by the foot of the bed, resting my elbows on my knees and covering my face with my hands.

Atty sat down next to me, cross-legged.

“Don’t be. It’s my fault anyway.”

“It’s not. I’m just…” He didn’t finish.

I turned to him. He was worrying his lower lip, trying and failing to crack his knuckles.

“What?” I pressed when the silence stretched a little too long.

“Can we start that conversation over?”

I stared at him. “You want me to ask you again? I think one no is enough for tonight.”

“No.” He rubbed his hand over his face, visibly struggling with this. I knew it was going to be a problem.

“Why do you have to go?” he finally settled on.

I sighed deeply. “My dad’s going on four years in October, and my mom wants to celebrate his birthday.”

Atty frowned. “I thought you said it was in two weeks?”

“It is. My dad’s birthday was in September. For some reason, she thought it would be better to do the Mass then and not on theanniversary date.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Don’t ask me to make sense of it.”

“And it’s a Mass?”

“You know my family’s Catholic—everything’s a cause for a Mass. My sister’s going to be there, and my mom asked…” I bit down on my tongue.

“What?”

“She asked my brothers to come. One of them might.”

“That’s a big deal,” he said.

I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled slightly. “Kinda. But it’s fine.”

“And your mom invited me?”

“Yeah, her boyfriend’s family is going to be there too. Apparently, my dad’s birthday is a fucking holiday I didn’t know about or something. She thought it would be nice if you could meet everybody.”

“That sounds even more complicated.”

“Yeah, so it’s fine if you don’t want to go,” I repeated.

“I meant that it sounded even more complicatedfor you.”