Page 79 of Badd Baby

I looked at the pregnancy test without taking it. "Absolutely the fuck not."

"When was your last period? Are you sick at night? Or any other time of day other than morning?” The emphasis on that particular word was not an accident.

I went pale, realizing my period was seriously late—I’ve been so busy with the new job I didn't even realize it until she asked. "I missed my last period," I whispered.

"Is anyone else at work sick?"

“No, but I could have gotten a bug anywhere else."

She eyed me. "And there's absolutely no possibility you and Duncan raw-dogged it at any point over the weekend?"

“No!" I all but shouted. "We used protection every…." A memory of my panicked escape from Anchorage settled firmly in the forefront of my brain like a ton of bricks. "Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"

My eyes burned, tears burning like acid as my stomach flipped, soured, and rose up in my gorge.

Lindsey pulled me to the couch. "Sit down before you fall down and talk to me. You remembered something bad, I take it?"

"The night of the wedding, Duncan and I left a little early."

Lindsey snorted. "I know. You cost me five bucks."

I sniffled, frowning. "What?"

"I bet Raquel you'd leave after an hour, but she said you guys would stay at least two. You left after two and a half hours." She shook her hands. “Never mind. What happened?"

I shook my head. "I don't know, that's the problem. I have vague memories of that night, and vague is at best. All I really remember is waking up naked next to him."

"Which means you guys got hammered and fucked like porn stars all night," Lindsey said.

“Yeah. But…did we use condoms? I don't know. I don't know! I ran, Linz. I shoved all my shit into my bag and left. I didn't even pee in the room—I peed in the lobby restroom."

Lindsey snickered. "You know you're making the walk of shame when you don't even pee after waking up."

"LINDSEY!" I shouted. "This is no time for jokes!"

"Who's joking?" she said, ripping open the box and pressing the test into my hand. "It's time for you to pee on a stick, ma'am."

I held the test in my fist, shaking all over. "Linz, I'm scared. I can't be pregnant! I just got a job!"

Lindsey sighed. "Girl, I know. But you can't avoid reality, either. You ran away from Duncan to avoid the reality of your feelings for him. But you can't run away from this. If you are pregnant, it's not gonna be any less real or true if you don't find out."

I trembled like a leaf in a long autumn wind. "Linz, I can't be. I can't."

"You don't remember anything?”

I shrugged, shook my head. "Not really. I…." I closed my eyes, dashing away tears with the heels of my palms. "I know we had sex. And a lot of it. I remember my vagina being super sore that day and the next. Plus, I woke up naked, and you know I never sleep naked. Even after sex, I usually at least put on underwear before going to sleep."

Lindsey sighed wistfully. "I miss having so much sex my pussy hurts the next day. It's been so long I've thought about joining a nunnery."

"You mean a convent?" I said.

"I like the word nunnery better. Convent makes me think of conventions, and conventions make me think of Dalton."

"You liked Dalton. I never got why you broke up with him. He was a nerd, but you said he had a nice cock and he was good in bed, once you'd broken him in." I frowned. “Also, what is it with you and guys whose names start with D?”

Lindsey frowned. “Weird. I never realized that.” She groaned. “And for one, don't say 'broke him in' like he's a horse or a pair of shoes."

"You said it first when you started seeing him!” I argue.