Page 76 of Badd Baby

"I know. And the man who deserves you will know that too, and he'll still take care of you. He'll do it because you can take care of yourself. Hayes Willoughby is a needy, whiny, sad sack of shit who couldn't find his asshole with both hands, a map, and a goddamn flashlight. It's no secret I never knew what you saw in him. I ain't a twenty-something girl, so maybe he really is hot or something. I dunno. Or maybe he's got a really big you know what."

"DAD!" I screeched. "WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Well? I don't get it. What did you see in that simpering fuckwit?"

"You really want the nitty-gritty details, Dad?" I snapped. "Yes, it was mostly the sex. Okay? He was good-looking. Not, like, scorching hot, but that's the point. The hottest guys are always the biggest assholes. Hayes was good-looking but not a player. We were physically compatible. And yes, his you-know-what is—"

“I TAKE IT BACK, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW," Dad cut in, loudly enough I yanked the phone away from my ear.

I cackled. "I didn't think so."

"But he is a player, isn't he?"

"No, he's just a cheating fuckwit."

"I just don't get it. I don't get cheaters, especially ones who cheat with someone uglier than the person they're cheating on."

I laughed. "Dad, you don't know who he cheated on me with."

“Yes, I do. I was behind them in line at Costco a couple weeks ago. I recognized his voice before I realized it was him. He didn't know I was there. He and his girlfriend were talking, and I gradually realized from the contextual clues that the girl he was with was the girl he fucked around on you with. They talked about you."

"Whoa, hold the fuck up, Dad. WHAT?" I paused in silence. "He was with her…TWO WEEKS ago?"

"Yes."

"And you're sure she was his girlfriend?" I asked.

"He had his hand on her ass, so yeah, I'm pretty sure."

"And they were talking about me?"

"I mean, indirectly. He referenced his ex, and she said something along the lines of 'that girl with the weird name who threw trophies at you.'"

"'The girl with the weird name who threw trophies at you,'" I echoed. "Wow. And why didn't he bring her to the wedding, I wonder?"

"Oh, she had a work trip."

I laughed. "Dad, how long were you eavesdropping on them? Jesus."

"It was a long-ass line and they weren't being discreet."

I groaned. "He was still acting like a sad sack of shit at the wedding. He was all jealous and angry, like I was the crazy one for being mad at him for cheating on me. But he's still with her? What the fuck?" I shook my head, sighing. "I don't understand him, Dad. At all."

"Don't even waste your brain power trying, Sweet-Pea. He's not worth it. He never was. Now you focus on you. Your future. Your career. In time, you'll find the right guy."

"How will I know if he's the right one, Dad?"

He laughed, a sighing chuckle. "Oh, honey. That's the oldest question in the world, and one fathers dread getting. Because the real answer is I don't fuckin' know, baby-girl."

"How'd you know Mom was it for you?"

He cackled. "I didn't, at first."

I pulled the phone away and stared at it in stunned silence.

"Rune?" His voice came from the speaker, tinny and distant and small. "I lose you?"

I put it back to my ear. "No, I'm here. I just…what? You love Mom. You would never, ever cheat on her."