Page 6 of Artemysia

“You know, that kind of quiet confidence usually comes with a big cock.” - Throg

D elphine Julian does not indulge in mysterious, handsome men. I just don’t. At the year-end pub crawl, an annual tradition for my squad, Throg was voted Most Muscles. I got Most Sensible and Levelheaded.

In other words, boring.

I haven’t gotten this far by being otherwise, and I take pride in that reputation. Kissing strangers in the dark is Throg’s game. I didn’t break any official rules, but still, there are rules. My own.

No romance, no attachment, no heartbreak.

The delicious sugar of the candy must’ve broken my brain. No, I can’t blame the candy.

I wanted to kiss him.

My fingers graze my lips. Gods, it was a good kiss.

I pass under a gas lamp alongside a main thoroughfare of Stargazer and wonder what Riev thinks of the city.

Most visitors find the capital city a jarring mix of old and new.

Thatched cottages and inns as old as the city sit beside modern brick chemists, which carry the latest medicines and medical equipment that help keep soldiers alive.

While gas lamps line the streets, many cottages still use oil or candlelit lanterns.

Hot water plumbing runs through most homes, including our dorms. I was appalled to learn that people used to have to bathe in cold water.

There are those who say that South Kingdom was on the cusp of greater advancements if we hadn’t spent all our efforts fighting Syf for the last twenty years.

I believe them.

It’s late, so I pick up my pace to rush back to the soldiers’ dorms. Minor Moon is setting already, its lavender halo fading near the horizon.

Two full moons in one night means trouble, my father always said.

He’d say that the two moons are a god and a goddess in love who emerge at night in an eternal game of push and pull, wishing to spend the night together but too proud to admit it.

They chase each other across the sky, peering out from behind the stars, flirting and disguising their faces.

Despite their deep yearning for the other, they never touch.

But every so often, when both moons are full, the two of them finally come face to face.

The romantic tension breaks.

Upon seeing the other fully, they are forced to confront the truth of their passion and are unable to disguise their love for each other.

Their love is a devastating force that ripples across the universe.

Tremendous tides overwhelm the shores, creatures of the night succumb to madness, and lovers across the lands can no longer resist each other, giving themselves over to their most primal of needs.

Two full moons mean trouble—for your heart.

For some irritating reason, my encounter with Riev invades my mind again. Shaking it off, I peel my eyes away from the starry night sky and turn past a jeweler’s shop. The window displays are empty at night, the gems stored away from thieves.

Throg will worry about me if I’m out too late, though after an evening of drinking, he’s probably found someone else’s bedroom for the night.

Maybe with my promotion, I’ll get my own room.

Not that I don’t like bunking with Throg.

He’s been a great roommate, but he snores, and in the winter the clock tower gets too cold to sneak away to for the entire night.

The door creaks as I creep in, quiet and casual.

If he’s here, I’m hoping he has passed out. But there’s a candlelight lamp flickering golden light on the walls, and Throg is shirtless, lying sideways in his bed. He’s reading, chin propped on one large fist.

“Our little captain is growing up. Hooking up with strangers in the alleyway behind the Ghost Elk and all.” He twirls a blonde lock with one finger, mocking girly gossip.

“Shut your face. It wasn’t like that. He was an injured messenger.”

“Looked exactly like that to me. Why are you ashamed? Riev’s hot. Body like a Syf, lithe and graceful.” Throg hums low in his throat, as if picturing Riev’s muscles in his head. “You know, that kind of quiet confidence usually comes with a big cock.”

“What the hell, Throg—”

“Let go a little. Never letting go isn’t good for you.” His straight teeth gleam even in the dim light of our dorm room. “And…it’s a guaranteed one-night thing. If he’s a messenger, then in all likelihood you won’t see him again.”

“I’m not like you. I’m not ruled by my urges,” I argue. Normally, this would be true. But tonight, I was on the brink of losing control, and if Owlfred hadn’t screamed judgment at us…

I start to peel off my clothes to change into a robe.

Throg snorts. “You have needs. My own needs were met tonight, in the tavern bathroom. Twice.”

My face screws into a grimace. “The important thing is that you chose the most romantic setting. Don’t tell me who. I’m not supposed to condone these activities between squad members.”

“She was new. But he was not. It was romantic,” he insists, his sapphire-blue eyes rounded in an exaggerated expression of innocence and sincerity.

“I’m going to go shower off that information now.”

He exaggerates a sniff. “You should. His scent is on you, Elphie,” he says, using my childhood nickname that he discovered after meeting my father years ago.

Heat rises into my cheeks, giving me away. “Oh for crying out loud, Throg! We need to find a better use for your supernatural sense of smell. You’re a fighting, talking bloodhound.”

“It runs in the family. It’s weird, but you know I can’t turn it off.”

“Yes, I’ve met your six brothers. Hound dogs, all of you. In all ways.” I chuckle, gathering a towel for the shower.

His bed creaks when he rolls over and tucks himself into the thick quilt.

“You gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find the right frog.”

“I don’t think that’s the saying,” I mutter. “You’re…looking for love, though?”

“Of course.”

“Now? Our jobs are too dangerous for—”

“Love isn’t a weakness,” he says.

“Love is deadly,” I argue.

“Goodnight, Captain. I’m proud of you.”

I tread down the hall to the showers, frowning.

I’m not sure if Throg means my promotion or if he’s happy that I let myself slip and do something out of character that he approves of, but in the shower, my thoughts confusingly wander back to Riev.

Did I allow myself to indulge simply because it was a one-time thing?

Perhaps Throg is on to something. There’s comfort in knowing there’s no chance of attachment, no future, no risk of pain or heartbreak.

If Riev dies by a Syf hand on his next assignment, I don’t have to know.

Unlike other men I’ve been with in the past. Though I try my hardest not to, I can’t help listing their names in my head. Thom. Kiran. Galliver.

Mortality rates for men my age are too high in the corp. I watch the suds at my feet swirl away into the drain, and my throat constricts. Human lives, as easily extinguished as soap bubbles popping. Abrupt and irreversible. I may be tough on the outside, but I hurt on the inside.

I haven’t decided if that makes me strong or weak.

Palming the water off my face, I spin the spigot and wrap myself in a towel.

It’s best to put my efforts where they matter most: keeping people alive.

I want to make a difference in the world using the skills I have.

It would be nice if there were room for a romantic relationship, but romance doesn’t keep everyone alive, and it’s a surefire way to get your heart broken in a world where there’s enough heartache already.

At the very least, Throg is right on two points.

Riev is hot.

And I’ll probably never see him again.