Page 33 of Artemysia

“In her eyes, I see my redemption. In her arms, I can be saved.” - Riev

U nholy mother of mountain demons—

What did I do to deserve this? I must have accidentally made a pact with one of those demons, or else I was something extraordinary in a previous life.

Because I can’t think of a single reason someone like Delphine would want me this way.

Especially like this. Here in the middle of the woods, in a damn cave, after we were screaming at each other.

And just when I thought I’d ruined whatever little chance I had with my crude, vicious outburst.

She seems to reward me for honesty, though, and I’ve never felt safer with anyone.

Somehow, with her, I’m able to express the truth of my darkest thoughts.

All thoughts fly out of me with the next eager bob of her head below my waist, taking the entire length of me into the back of her throat. Fuck me . I practically salivate as my cock disappears into her mouth. The crackling fire projects our silhouettes onto the dark purple rock wall beside us.

I fall to pieces at the outline of Delphine on her damn knees, taking me into her mouth.

She draws her lips back up my shaft. Slow.

Excruciating. Maintaining eye-rolling pressure with her tongue as she looks up at me with those bright brown eyes.

The gold of our campfire blazes in her eyes, falling stars burning away in the darkness of her pupils.

My legs quiver, and the small hairs on my thighs stand on end at the feel and the sight of her.

Her next words shatter me.

“Put your hands on my head, Riev. Show me how you like it.”

I mean, I already like everything she’s doing, so I grasp her hair, gently pulling on her braid toward me.

She sucks harder with her hot little lips, swirling the tip of her tongue over the sensitive head of my cock.

I can’t breathe, my face and neck are uncomfortably warm.

I try not to buck my hips into her, so she grabs my ass and presses it to her, urging me to fuck her mouth.

I submit to her, my knees quivering.

Good lord. I swear to myself never to make fun of how messy an eater she is ever again, because she’s going to town on me in the same ravenous way, and it’s intensely alluring.

I’m not going to last long, and as she moves my cock in and out of her faster and faster, rocking back on her heels, I erupt into her.

She slows but doesn’t take me out of her mouth yet.

As if she’s savoring the moment; as if she’s savoring…me.

Impossible.

I’m in a delirious haze where my head is no longer attached to my body. I don’t know how I’m breathing.

She waits, holding me in her mouth, before she pulls me out as slow as possible from between her lips, giving it one last suck before popping me out, and I’m trembling like the last autumn leaf in a winter storm.

As I coast back down from the heavens, her eyes flick up and I’m a bumbling idiot again.

“Gorgeous, you’re…amazing,” I stutter out. I want to say much more, but I have no eloquent words after that incredible move she did wi th her tongue around the ridges.

She smiles, drawing herself up as I stagger back against a tall slab of rock away from the fire to collect myself, pulling up my breeches before slumping to the ground.

I’m still shaky. I can’t pry my eyes off her.

She spits, wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, and I get half-hard again just seeing her do that.

She’s wiping me off her lips. Because she desired it.

Desired me . Despite everything. Despite knowing that I could be nothing more than a monstrosity.

She plunks down beside me, her legs sprawled straight out in front of us, and I wrap both my arms around her while she tips her head onto my shoulder.

Say something, Riev, you fool . Do I thank her? No. I’m not that witless.

Say that you care. That you want so much more with her.

My mouth opens, and I pick the last thought. “I want more with you.”

“You liked that, huh? Already asking for seconds?” she says wryly, but her smile is contagious.

“Shit, that’s not what I meant. I’m not expressive with my feelings.”

Her voice drops, turning low and careful. “I care about you too, and I also wish we could have more than we have right now.”

My heart comes back to life. What in the world did I do to deserve her?

“See, that’s perfect. You win. You’ll speak for the both of us.”

“Expressing feelings isn’t a competition, Riev.”

“You’re right, you’re right.”

“At least, not one you’re winning.”

“What? Why you little—” I bury my face in her neck, nipping the skin with my teeth, just to hear that small gasp.

“I like hearing it from you, though.” Her fingers graze my forearm, absently playing with the leather brace on my wrist.

I take a deep breath, for courage—different than the courage I draw upon every day. I’m not fighting Syf. I’m fighting my own withered heart. “Elphie, I trust you, and care about you. I want you to be…my first.”

“First?” Her eyes are soft under her dark lashes, questioning .

“First time. If you want to. When we are ready.”

She takes my hand and strokes the back of my palm. The hairs on my arm rise.

“Why have you waited?” Her tone is gentle; she doesn’t judge. “You’ve done everything else, you said. With other women. Was it only for their pleasure?”

“I didn’t not enjoy it,” I grumble, unwilling to elaborate.

She eyes me. “Were you…searching for someone, something? A connection?”

“Don’t overthink it. You’re reading too much into it,” I say dismissively, hoping she will drop it.

But she’s too perceptive. “Okay. But I think you have a soft side.”

“Nothing about me is soft.”

“Your hair is.”

“I do like it when my mouth is on your cunt and you’re guiding my head with your fingers dipped in my hair to show me what you want,” I retort.

“That’s not going to be happening if you don’t answer honestly.”

She wins. I love the fiendish gleam in her brown eyes, her wickedly adorable smile, but most of all, her ability to make me comfortable and laugh when I’m at my most vulnerable.

“I can’t risk it.”

“What do you mean?”

“If I let go, if I lose control. I don’t know what might happen. You’ve seen my scars, my violence. How I’m…different. If I am half Syf, it means I’m half beast. And I don’t ever want to lose control and be like them.”

She kicks out a leg as a spark from the fire lands near her boot. “But just now…you were in control.”

“I can’t explain it. It’s like when I’m fighting for my life againstSyf, I feel like I’m someone else. Another side of me comes out. It’s powerful and frightening, and it keeps me alive, but I almost lose myself.” I pause. “Like when I dream,” I add quietly.

I’ve never explained this to anyone.

No one’s cared to ask, to listen. “Maybe it’s mySyf side.

It’s not the same as fighting a drunk guy at the pub.

There’s no emotion attached to that. I don’t lose myself.

I think sex would be like the first situation.

Emotion is involved. I wouldn’t be detached, and I’m scared I might turn into someone else, like an animal—a Syf, if that makes sense. ”

“I get what you’re saying,” Delphine says, softly sincere, and there’s no doubt in my mind that she understands my feelings.

“Anyway, it was simply easier not to go there. But with you…I want to. My attraction to you is stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before.”

She’s still looking at me as if I am worth something.

It cracks my chest wide open.

I’ve never cried in my life, but one look at her expression right now and I’m convinced that the all-consuming ache welling up inside my cold, savage heart will destroy me even as it simultaneously renders me indestructible.

She’s incredible.

I sweep away a strand of her hair that’s fallen out of her braid, tucking it back behind her ear. “Also, you’re strong enough to kill me if my Syf side ever comes out and I turn into a monster.”

“Ha. Ivy could kill you, I’m sure.”

My voice drops; I need her to understand.

“No. Never. I’m not attracted to her. I’ve never been attracted to anyone the way I am to you.

Plus, even Ivy knows better than to get involved with someone like me.

She is…a bit afraid of me. She’ll never admit it in a thousand years, but she’s attracted to safety.

For all her courageous crazy, it’s what she seeks deep down.

Why do you think she likes Throg so much?

He makes her feel safe. So no, I wouldn’t do that to her, risk hurting her that way. ”

“But you would risk hurting me?”

“Wrong. You could stop me, disarm me, kill me, do what you need to do, and you’d do what was right and move on.

And maybe I can’t stand it anymore, how much I like you, how I’ve never felt this way before, never wanted to try this with anyone, but you—you, I…

” Fuck. I ignore my hammering heart and the fact that I might punch something.

Not in my usual way, but in a good, thrilling way.

I don’t finish my sentence, but she doesn’t force me to go on, her chest rising in a rapid rhythm that matches my own.

And yet she must understand, because she squeezes my hand tightly.

“Yes, I could stop you. But you’re growing on me. I don’t know if I could kill you without some hesitation.” She glances sideways at me and grins.

It doesn’t matter to me if she returns my feelings for her, because my feelings are true. They are not dependent on whether she feels the same.

I know she cares, and I know it’s real.

That’s all that matters to me in this very moment. It’s all I need right now.

Her braid has fallen loose, and she brushes back strands of pale hair from her face.

“I get all that. But I don’t think you’re a monster because you’re half Syf.

You’re half human too, and as far as I’ve seen, your heart is all human.

So when you’re ready to do it, I will be too.

” Her lashes drop to kiss her cheeks as she places a hand on my chest.

Fuuck. This must be what it feels like to be cared for.

I swallow down the emotion erupting up from a deep, hollow place that stirs for the first time.

It moves in me, strange and wondrous, yet painful in a frightening way because it’s new.

I clasp her head to kiss her forehead with an affection I’ve never shown anyone.

Her body melts into mine when I do this, and I love it.

This is what it feels like to care.

She cares for me when I loathe my own existence.

In her eyes, I see my redemption. In her arms, I can be saved.

What I feel in this moment remains nameless, because nothing I’ve ever experienced comes close to how this woman touches my broken, tormented soul.

My euphoria is interrupted by a raspy voice.

“Is it safe to come back in there?” Ivy giggles, peering at us from a cavern farther down the tunnel.

I can barely see her face, except her eyes are so wide, they glint like the little predator she is even in the dim lighting. “The elk are asleep already.”

“What’s happening? Are they on the verge of killing each other or doing each other?” Throg whispers loudly. “It’s always one or the other.”

“The latter. They seem to enjoy infuriating each other first, though. I’m not one to judge, but it’s very strange foreplay,” Ivy observes.

I wave her away behind Delphine’s back.

Delphine ignores them, and I’m pleased that she hasn’t lifted her head from my shoulder. She doesn’t seem to mind Throg and Ivy seeing her show me affection right now.

I’m not someone’s dirty little secret.

My heart nearly bursts out of my chest.