Page 39 of Artemysia

“Even if I am shattered, the pieces left over can be strong.” - Delphine

I harden my heart and tell myself it’s my own fault for getting attached. This is exactly why I don’t. It clouds my judgment when I need it most.

Forcing myself to compartmentalize my feelings as best I can, though failing for the most part as doubt painfully lances through me, I remain emotionless on the outside for the rest of my team.

I’m tough. Even if I am shattered, the pieces left over can be strong.

If I tell myself enough times, perhaps it will be true.

There are no motivational sayings for a time like this. Throg cringes when I use them anyway, and they don’t work on soldiers like Ivy or Riev, so I haven’t bothered with a constant stream of optimism with this team.

My assignment ordered by King Galke remains: I must make it through the woods, seek aid against the Syf, and return to Stargazer .

My commitment to my squad remains: I will keep everyone alive, and we will make it back together.

I turn to my silent and downcast companions, hands on my hips.

“A squad member has been captured. As with anyone under my command, it’s my job to keep them alive. We will rescue him, make it to the other side, and complete our mission. If Riev wants to leave, he can. But I won’t leave his fate up to the Syf, who have no reason to leave him unpunished.”

“Yes, Captain.” They look to me for leadership in this hour of need, and leadership is what they get.

“We aren’t going to wait. I refuse to sit around for the Syf guard to tell us when we can leave.” Action gives me a sense of control. Doing something is always better than doing nothing.

I glance up at the rock walls surrounding us.

The slab of rock blocking our exit has shiny, silvery specks.

I know what to do.

“Throg. Stack the extra firewood from last night that we didn’t use. Here.” I point to our blocked entryway. “Ivy, start a fire at the base of this slab.”

“What do you have in mind, Captain?” Throg piles the firewood where I direct him.

“We’re getting out of here now . While we have a chance to track Riev.”

“Agreed,” Throg says. “That grouchy ass of his doesn’t deserve whatever the Syf have planned for him. If he really was going to abandon us on the other side, I’ll beat him down myself once we free him.”

While Ivy stokes the fire, Throg and I move deeper into the cave to collect as many silver-specked rocks as we can carry. This takes up precious time, because we also search for the largest one with the most shimmer. We need it for what I plan to do.

Throg finds a massive rock larger than a valley bison’s head, streaked with large veins of silver. It has to weigh more than Ivy, but he squats to lift it and waddles back to the entrance.

Once the fire is blazing, I toss in the smaller, glittering rocks. The fire surges with a loud crack. Ivy lets out a “Whooo!”

I nod to our right. “Ivy and I will duck into the other cavern with the elk. Throg will hurl the boulder into the fire and join us. As fast as you can, Throg. Don’t stop to watch what happens.”

Ivy and I scamper away and watch from around the corner of the second cavern.

Throg catapults his boulder into the fire and sprints to us, diving out of the way as the fire rises to the ceiling.

His boulder combusts, exploding with a thunderclap that reverberates deep into the cave.

This sets off a chain reaction, and the slab of rock that traps us in bursts into flame.

We cover our ears as it detonates into a massive spray of rock and fire.

The elk behind us snuffle and stamp, but there’s nowhere for them to run.

The vibration ripples up the cavern walls, and I’m worried that it will take down the entryway with it, but when the tremors stop, trees are visible, and no Syf are around.

Or they were blasted away too.

The rocks that have caught fire continue to burn, and the conflagration grows.

I shout at Ivy and Throg. “We’re going to have to run through the fire! You two, get out of here. I’ll follow!”

The elk refuse to move toward the flames.

“Cover their eyes!” Ivy rummages in her saddlebag and pulls out a scarf.

I grab a shirt out of my pack and wrap it around my frightened elk’s eyes and muzzle. He allows me to lead him with my calm voice and a firm slap on his hindquarters. I keep a hand on his shortened antlers so he doesn’t gouge me in his panic.

Ivy and Throg disappear through the smoke.

My elk bucks twice, but I maintain control and pull him through the exit.

Coughing, I quickly scan the ground in front of the cave. No sign of Syf guards. I’m relieved no one was injured on either side. Throg and Ivy are ahead of me in the clearing, mounting their elk.

Once we’ve gathered outside, I unwrap the shirt from my elk’s face. It’s the blue flannel Riev found for me. I’d packed it from the outpost because it was soft and I liked it. As I fold it, Ivy rides up next to me.

“Riev let you keep that shirt?”

“This?” I hold up the shirt. “He said he found it in a closet at the outpost.”

“Of course he wouldn’t tell you.” Her eyes roll.

“That’s his favorite shirt. The cleaning woman left everything she had to him when she died, including her dead husband’s shirts.

She figured Riev would eventually need clothes when he grew up.

He carries that blue one with him everywhere!

Once, I fell into a stream and had no spare clothes, and he wouldn’t even lend it to me then .

That jerk.” She punches a fist into her palm.

Oh.

Tears well up, and I scrub them away with the back of my palm. Ivy looks away, perhaps to spare me any awkwardness.

“Captain,” she says, scanning the trees, “we will get Riev back. He’s saved me before, and now it’s my turn. I know you feel the same. Now, do you need a hug or a fight?”

“I’ll take either from you, Ivy.” My throat swells. “Thank you for that.”

Gathering my courage, I mount my elk and take charge.

I can do this. We can do this. I’m not alone.

“Throg, any tracks showing where they’ve gone?”

“Tracks in every direction. The Syf army dispersed in all directions to throw us off,” he assesses, treading back and forth on his elk.

“Hmm. Let me think. Okay, don’t panic,” I say, more to myself than anyone else.

“I think I can track him,” Throg volunteers.

I stop breathing. “How?”

“I can sort of smell him.”

“Sort of? Can you smell everyone?” I ask, incredulous.

“The Syf don’t have much of a scent, but the steeds they ride smell like hay and fruit, as opposed to moss and oat, like our elk. And Riev, as you probably know, smells good. Sexy good.”

“Throg! This is no time to make fun.”

“No, but I can track him. His group went east.”

“Are you sure about this?”

He rides around in a large circle covering several trees. “Yep. East.”

“Alright. We have a plan. Lead the way.”

“Woohoo!” Ivy paces her elk with Throg’s. “Would you be able to track me if I got taken? What do I smell like?”

“If you got taken, woman, they’d regret it and leave you behind the first chance they had.

” He stretches a long arm between them and pulls her closer by her belt.

She leans to him, bending sideways on her elk to nuzzle his arm with her nose.

“But yes, I’d find you in a second. You smell like heaven on earth.

Pure heaven, my little demon.” He kisses her cheek before riding on.

My little demon.

The oldest villages in South Kingdom believe in the demons dwelling under the mountains and the gods commanding the celestial heavens. But younger generations no longer take to the stories.

I trail behind Throg and Ivy, grateful that I have them.

To be honest, I never really believed in heaven or hell, but after today, I am sure both are real. We must live in the shadow-thin veil separating the two. Crushed. Suffocating between ecstasy and anguish.

I know this now, because in the last few days, I’ve been pulled in from one side and out the other, and it’s becoming hard to tell which one will consume me.