Page 33

Chapter 33

Julia

Graham hasn’t talked to me since the big fight over a week ago. But to be fair, I haven’t really tried talking to him. I don’t know what to do. I see him at school, but he looks away. I hide in the library during lunch, trying to convince Chloe or Nathan to bring me some food. Normally Chloe would do things just to spite Nathan, but apparently, they are on the same team this time. I type up texts but I never actually send them. What if he doesn’t accept my apology? I know he said he’d be here when I was ready to trust him but what if he changed his mind?

I try to talk to Chloe about it but she just rolls her eyes and tells me that she’ll help me brainstorm, but she isn’t going to help me worry. I still want to worry, so she’s no help. I try to ask Josie, but she isn’t any help either. Everyone keeps telling me to apologize. I know that’s not enough, but no one is listening to me. I take a deep breath and start typing.

Julia

Hey. Are we still on for the dance next week?

I stare at my phone for a few minutes. I know it is a bad idea for that to be the first thing to ask him, but again, no one is helping me. At least not how I want to be helped.

I want to go over to his house and apologize in person, but he isn't there. He’s spending Thanksgiving in Hawaii with his family. I hit the send button and keep staring, willing my phone to buzz.

Graham

I’m there if you want me there.

Well, at least he answered. I try to come up with something to say back, but all I can think of is “climb any good coconut trees”, and that doesn’t seem appropriate given the circumstances. I lean back in my chair, staring at my ceiling. My room is still decked out like a castle, and I stare at all the little details. I know that Mom and Aunty Em helped, but it was his idea.

I grab my notebook and start reading through it. When I get to the last page, I glue a few more notes in and start writing about the promposal and building me a castle. I pull out my copy of the list and cross off those two items. I read over it and realize the only thing left is number ten: Take me to a ball and dance with me when everyone is watching.

He was there, hugging me when I was terrified at the hospital. I think about how safe I felt when he was hugging me and how grateful I am that he was there. My mind wanders to when Ginger got there, how she rushed to his arms. It hurts my heart to think about it, but I make myself. I push myself to think about it more and try to imagine it from her perspective. What if it was my grandma there? I love Mabel like a grandma, but it’s different. I know that. Especially since her relationship with Ginger seems strained. I imagine what it would’ve felt like if I saw someone who meant something to me when I was in pain, and they rejected my hug. This time, I think about Ginger and Graham hugging, and my heart breaks for her. I grab my phone and send Graham another text.

Julia

Hey, can I have Ginger’s number?

Graham

[contact card: Ginger Cole]

Julia

Thank you!

Graham

Np

Julia

Thanks for trusting me and not questioning why I want it or assuming I’d send something mean.

Graham

I know you, Julia. I know you wouldn’t go out of your way to be mean. I trust you.

That text stings a little, and I swallow my pride. I literally swallow the spit in my mouth, imagining it is my pride, pushing it away. I hold my phone, staring at the screen, willing myself to text Ginger.

Julia

Hey Ginger, this is Julia Pritchett. I just wanted to say I’m sorry about your grandma, and I’m sorry for the way I behaved at the hospital. I hope she’s doing well and that you are too.

I throw my phone on my bed and lie down on the floor. I let my eyes unfocus on the fake flames on my closet door. My mind wanders to Graham—makes sense, he’s one of my favorite things to think about—and all the times he’s been there for me. Little moments, like the cookies, picking me up from school, encouraging me to sing. Bigger moments, like the hospital, during my performance at Cactus Hills. When we were in preschool, he always let me use the crayon he wanted. When we were in kindergarten, I dressed up as a ghost for Halloween, but someone said I looked like a marshmallow. I cried because I was five, and Graham spent the entire day threatening anyone who made any jokes about my costume. He also asked everyone in class what they were dressed as and told them how cool they looked. In first grade, I cried because I missed my mom. Graham found me in the corner of the field and hugged me. I keep going and realize I can easily come up with examples of when he was there, when he was focused on me. I can see proof of him not giving up. I think about last year, when Ginger asked him out to eat in the cafeteria. Graham reorganized it and made it a big group hang out. She tried to hold his hand, sat next to him, and he gently redirected her. He smiled at her, laughed, teased, but was he really flirting? It is so clear, looking back, that he wasn’t leading her on. Sure, he could’ve been a little firmer about it recently, but he was being a nice guy. My phone buzzes and I jump up, hoping it is Graham.

Ginger

Thanks. And I’m really sorry for how I acted, too. I knew that Graham was into you, but I didn't really know you were into him. People said you were dating but it always seemed to me that you weren’t that interested. I was clearly wrong. That was my bad. My grandma is doing fine. She wants you to come visit. You’re welcome anytime.

Julia

I’ll definitely be there.

I stare at her text and wonder, Do I really blow him off? Isn’t it obvious how much I like him? It’s so clear to me, but I’m in my own head. Suddenly, it’s clear what I need to do. I need to prove to Graham that I like him. All this time, I've been so worried that I can’t trust he won’t get distracted, but really, he is the one who should be worried. I rip a sheet of paper out of my notebook and grab a pen. Before I start, I send one more text.

Julia

Chloe. I’m ready to brainstorm. No more worrying.

Chloe

Be right there.

***

Chloe and I spend the rest of Wednesday and all day Friday making plans. I wanted to use Thursday too, but it’s Chloe’s favorite holiday and she absolutely refused to spend time doing anything besides “Thanksgiving activities.” I texted Graham Thanksgiving morning, saying Happy Thanksgiving and that I was thankful for him. I sent him a heart emoji, and a few hours later, he sent me one back. That’s it, just one heart. I’ll take it. I can’t ask for too much anyways.

Saturday morning, I grab the extra key we have for the Kealohas’ house and get to work making over Graham’s room. I printed as many pictures as I could find, and I plaster his walls with our faces. I use Post-it notes and write about things he did that made me fall for him even deeper. I tell him about preschool, making the list, and how I’ve always wanted him to be the one who fulfilled it. Chloe and I spend hours in his room. We try to get Nathan to come, but he says that he’ll be there in spirit. He is not, and I quote, “hanging up notes and pictures to show my best friend how dreamy he is.” I guess that makes sense. After we finish Graham’s room, I write him a girlfriend list—the things I will do to prove to him that I want to be with him. It’s only fair.

They are flying overnight and will get home tomorrow morning. They normally spend a good chunk of the day sleeping, so I’m not expecting to hear from him until the early evening. But that doesn’t change what I am hoping for. I am hoping he’ll get home, see his room, and run over and wake me up. I am hoping he’ll instantly forgive me, and we will live happily for now (or forever—not ruling anything out here).

After a few hours of me constantly checking my phone, Chloe recruits Josie, Nathan, Paige, Greg, and Josh to go get ice cream and see a movie with us. We see the new Disney release, and I get yelled at by two moms because I keep pulling out my phone. I don’t know what I’m expecting, that somehow Graham will get home early? I know he won’t but I am so anxious. After a third mom threatens to get a manager, I tell my friends I’ll meet them in the lobby after the movie. I sit on a bench, put my headphones in, and close my eyes. The music flows over me and I let myself completely relax. A few songs later, someone kicks my foot. Ginger is standing in front of me, holding an extra-large soda and tub of popcorn.

“Hey, you okay?” she asks.

“Hey, yeah, I’m good. I kept using my phone in the theater and people were angry, so I left. Just waiting for the movie to end. Who are you here with?”

“Travis.” She nods over her shoulder to a football player from our school, standing at the counter, bro-ing out with the theater employee. I wrinkle my nose because, well, he sucks. I try to hide it, but Ginger sees it before I can.

She laughs. “Yeah, I know. But he asked and I thought what the heck? I like a free movie as much as the next girl, but little did I know, he’d forget his wallet.” This time I don’t try to hide the face.

“What are you going to see? Maybe the movie will still be good.”

“That new horror movie.”

“What! No. Why?”

“Oh, I love a good scare. Especially with a cute guy that can keep me safe. But,” she looks at Travis, “I should’ve saved this one for someone else.”

We laugh together before Travis saunters over. “Yo, Julia.”

I nod at him, not interested in engaging.

“I’ll see you later, Julia.” Ginger waves and Travis drapes his arm over her shoulders. She shrugs it off, but he just tries again.

“What a jerk. Someone needs to give him a taste of his own medicine,” I mumble.

***

Graham

I’m staring at the ocean, my hands in my pockets and my feet spread. There are a ton of little kids running around, throwing sand, building castles, and avoiding blue bubbles. Normally I’d be chasing them, being the life of the party, but not today. Normally, I hide my moods behind smiles and jokes, but I have no jokes this week. My cousins stopped trying to hang out with me before Thanksgiving, but my aunties and uncles never left me alone. Which was good honestly. I needed the reminder that not all was lost.

Julia texted me a few times over the past week, and I gave her short answers. Because I’m hurt, and I don’t know how I can engage without getting my heart broken again. I haven’t entirely given up, but I’m scared. Ironically, I understand where she was coming from for the past few years. What if she changes her mind again?

My nephew tugs on my shorts, trying to get me to engage. I smile blandly at him when he asks me to chase him, but I shake my head, and he runs off with a dejected look.

“The Uncle Graham I know would never let a kid run off like that.” Alani, my sister in law, nudges my shoulder with hers. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. At least, nothing worth talking about.”

“Are you sure? If it’s affecting you this much, it seems pretty important.” Alani mimics my pose, staring at her kids playing nearby. I turn my attention to her. A small smile touches her lips, and her long black hair is falling out of the bun on top of her head. She married my oldest brother, Dean, when I was six years old so I’ve known her pretty much my whole life. They lived in Arizona for a few years before Alani convinced Dean to move her home again. Even with a six-hour plane ride and an ocean between us, Alani never let our relationship falter. Sure, we don’t talk everyday, but we do keep up generally. I realize now that I haven’t talked to her since The List stuff happened.

“It’s a long story.” I sigh, trying to figure out where to start.

“I talked to your mom. I know all about The List and Julia. I don’t know why you’re pouting though. It sounds like things are going great.”

“They were . But then I hugged Ginger at the hospital, and all of a sudden, everything that she was worried about before came back and everything I did to help her feel better, didn’t matter anymore. Because of a hug. And not just a for-the-heck-of-it one. Her grandma collapsed. Shouldn’t Julia want me to be a good guy? The one that helps people feel better if he can? How do I fix this?” I throw my hat on the sand and drag my fingers through my hair. Alani bends down, picks it off, and brushes it off.

“I remember Julia. It’s been a few years, but she was cute. Quiet, unassuming, always humming. She watched you a lot. At first I thought it was because she wanted to be included, but the more I watched, I realized that she was just watching you. She is a great girl, assuming she didn’t take a total left turn—”

“She didn’t. She’s incredible.”

“But.” She draws out the word to tease me for interrupting. “Have you considered that maybe she doesn’t deserve you? You’ve done all this work, all these things to show her that you’re worth it, you’re trustworthy, and she still doubts you.”

I feel my jaw drop, not sure what to do with this information. How could anyone think it is possible that Julia isn’t good enough for me? Alani places my hat on my head and kisses my cheek.

“Don’t doubt yourself, Graham. You aren’t flawless, but you are awesome. Remember that. I’m here if you need a reminder.” She squeezes my shoulder before walking back to sit in the shade by the edge of the beach.

***

I load my bag onto the agriculture scanner at the entrance of the Honolulu airport. It goes through without any problems, and I take it over to the kiosks. I am going through the motions, not paying attention to anything around me. My parents try to engage with me, but I just can’t. Well, I could, but I’m not willing to. I can’t stop thinking about my conversation with Alani.

We pass through security and are sitting in our seats on the plane when my mom gasps and shows my dad her phone. My dad nods his head in approval, giving it a closer look.

“What is it?” My parents look at me in surprise, and I realize it’s because I have barely talked to them all week.

“Uhm. Nothing. Just a picture from Theresa. You’ll see soon enough.” My parents exchange a glance, and Dad wipes his mouth, trying to hide his smile.

I furrow my brow and pull out my phone. I read through my text strand with Julia for the millionth time this week. I look at the pictures we’ve taken together and smile sadly at her flirty messages. I’m acting like I’m in a teenage rom-com, but I’ve decided to embrace it. After about an hour of scrolling, I lean back and drift off to sleep, my dreams full of Julia before everything fell apart.

***

We pull up to our house around seven in the morning, and I glance over at the Pritchetts’ house. I am sure that Nathan will come over later, but first, sleep. I try to sleep on planes, but I’m not that good at it. My dad is out before we are airborne and stays out the entire time. My mom doesn’t even try and is happy to listen to a book while knitting or crocheting or something with yarn.

“Graham. Help carry the bags,” my dad says, giving me no option but to do it. I grab mine and my mom’s, hauling them into the house.

“Just leave them there. Run up to your room.” Mom looks way too excited for me to sleep.

“Okay. Thanks.” Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I make my way into my room and am so excited for the black-out curtains. I fall onto my bed without turning on the light and let myself drift off to sleep… for about two minutes before Mom bursts in.

“Graham! What are you doing?” she screeches.

“Sleeping?”

Mom turns my lights on, and I stare at my walls, not comprehending what I’m seeing. My eyes flit from picture to picture, seeing me and Julia interspersed with notes. I sit up and start reading the notes. I really like your hair. I love when you smile at me. It makes my stomach flip. I see a picture of us at the football game with Chloe and Nathan. Us at paintballing. I loved watching you complete The List. I remember you defending me and my ghost costume. Making cookies with me in a storm. Writing me love notes.

At this point, I am standing in my room, spinning slowly trying to take it all in. There are current pictures, plus some from preschool, elementary school. There are group pictures from vacations and yearbooks. It must’ve taken her hours to find all of these and write these notes. On my closet door there is a poster board that reads, “Reasons I fell for you. Love, Julia.” I start laughing, taking it all in.

“Graham! Again, what are you doing? Go get the girl!” Mom shouts, and I rush past her. I run across the side yard connecting our houses and run into the door. I try to open it as I am going, but it’s locked. I bang on the door, and after maybe twenty seconds, the door flies open to Uncle Connor. I take a step back because he looks angry.

“Do you know what time it is, son?”

“Uhm, no, not really. I just really need to see Julia.”

“Julia is sleeping. Come back later.” He swings the door closed and I hear Julia say, “No, I’m awake!” I push on the door, and it opens to Julia. My Julia. She has her hair half curled, the rest in a messy bun on top of her head. I’ve spent enough time around her to know this means she’s half done. She’s wearing a ratty t-shirt and sweatpants, and no makeup with a slightly embarrassed smile. She has never looked more beautiful and I tell her so. She smiles, her cheeks turning slightly pink.

“Welcome home. How was your trip?”

“My trip? That’s what you want to talk about?” I grab the bottom of her shirt and pull her toward me. She takes a small step.

“Yes, your trip.” She bites her lip, and I let out a quiet groan. It’s been way too long since I’ve kissed her. “What else would we talk about?”

“Okay, sure. I went to the beach, we had kalua turkey, and I went to the same Korean restaurant every day. We ate ice cream, shopped at a swap meet, and went to the beach some more. Good? Now can we talk about the pictures and the notes?” I tug on her shirt again, and she stumbles into my chest.

She looks up at me through her lashes. “I’m sorry Graham. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way. You are an amazing guy, and you have always been there for me. I’m sorry I didn’t see it before. I think I just like you so much that I was scared, and that was a reason that made sense. But it didn’t actually make sense at all. I’m sorry. I am going to do everything I can to prove to you that I won’t change my mind. I’m in this.”

“Julia.” But she keeps talking, telling me about how she came to this great realization. “Julia.” I say again, this time covering her mouth with my finger. “I love you.” Tears fill her eyes, and she launches into my arms.

“I love you, too,” she says before pressing her lips to mine. I bring my hands into her hair and let the strands run through my fingers. Julia shivers and I smile, knowing that I caused it.

I pull back and push the hair out of her face, framing her cheeks with my hands. “Do you know what this means? Now you can kiss me.” Her eyes light up, and her lip twitches.

“Anytime I want.” She leans forward, kissing me again.

The front door swings shut, but not before we hear Nathan say, “Ew, seriously? At seven in the morning?”

THE END