Page 32

Chapter 32

Graham

After an hour of waiting, Nathan drives me home and sits with me. We don’t say anything.

After about twenty minutes, Nathan clears his throat. “I asked Josie to the Winter Formal and she said no. Said I wasn’t her type.”

It takes me a few seconds to comprehend what he was saying. “Wait, what? When? After the dance-posal? Is that why you’ve been so upset?”

“Yeah. I don’t want to be, but I felt dumb. I feel dumb. I’m glad I didn’t ask her big like I was thinking about. But like, not her type? She told me I was hot, all-American and Mr. High School. Are those bad? She made them sound bad.” He scrubs his hand through his hair. “The worst part is that I still like her. If she changed her mind, I would take her to the dance in a heartbeat. I would ditch everyone to go with her.”

I stare at him, still thinking about Julia, but trying to understand. “Okay, so wait. You like Josie. A lot. You asked her out, she complimented you, but said no, and now you want her to go out with you? Even though she said nice things with an insulting tone?”

Nathan blows a raspberry. “Pretty much.”

“Dude.”

“Yep.”

“I have no ideas for you. I thought I was doing pretty well with Julia until tonight.”

“Yeah, Ginger.”

I crinkle my nose. “Yep.” I pop the letter p. “Ginger.”

“I don’t know what to say. Apologize? Tell Ginger to beat it in front of Julia?”

We come to no real conclusions, and around midnight, I go to bed. I text Julia about fifty times but each one sits on read, with no response. I don’t even get the bouncing dots. She obviously is not talking to me, not even considering talking to me.

The next morning, I knock on the Pritchetts’ front door and instead of walking in, I wait. It’s been years since I’ve waited to go inside, but I don’t know how I’ll be received today.

The front door opens, and Julia steps out. Her face is a little puffy, her hair in a knot on top of her head, and she’s wearing an old t-shirt and shorts. She folds her arms and gives me an unimpressed look.

“Uhm, hey. How’s Mabel?” I ask.

“She’ll be okay. She fell and hurt her hip. She passed out from the pain. Ginger’s mom told us that she’ll have to get a hip replacement, but that she’s fine. Mabel’s staying at their house for the next couple months, maybe longer. So I guess I can’t see her for a while.”

“Why not? Did Mr. and Mrs. Cole say you aren’t welcome?”

Julia glares at me, tightening her arms across her chest. “Why would I willingly go to her house?” She practically spits the word her.

I hold up my arms in surrender. “I was just checking.”

“It’s whatever. Why don’t you keep Nathan updated and he can tell me how she’s doing.” Julia turns to go back in the house.

“How would I know?”

“When you go see Ginger,” she scoffs. Yeah, sneers. Julia, the sweetest girl in the whole world, is sneering at me.

“Julia.” I step toward her and she backs away. I drop my hands and sigh. “It was a reflex. Someone is in tears and they hug you, you hug back. It didn’t mean anything.”

“It meant something to me,” Julia whispers. Her anger seems to be gone, replaced by sadness. “You didn’t even try to talk to me again the rest of the night. You got distracted, again . I really thought that I could trust you, but I guess I can’t.”

My eyes go wide, caught off guard by her response. “Julia. I was there for you. Not Ginger. But she is my friend. I want to be with you, but I am a friendly guy. I have pulled way back on the ‘flirting’, I pay so much attention to you, I spend all my time figuring out how to complete The List. I thought we were good. You acted like we were good.” I take a step toward her, and this time she doesn’t move away. She is looking down, and I can see the tears dripping down her cheeks. “Please, tell me what you’re thinking.”

“You forgot…”

I waited for a few seconds before asking, “Forgot what?”

“Forgot to bring me a lollipop.”

***

Julia

“What lollipop? When? I’ve been bringing you one almost every day since the game.”

Graham reaches for my face, but I shake my head and wipe away my tears before I start talking. “When I was seven, you read my list and said you’d bring me a lollipop, but Nathan asked you to play catch, and so you said tomorrow. And tomorrow came and went, and no lollipop. It’s ridiculous but I’ve spent the last nine years watching you get distracted—and not just with me, with sports and instruments and future dreams—so I’m scared. It’s not that I think you aren’t interested. It’s that I think you are; I just don’t know for how long. And what if we date and then you get bored? What about Nathan and my parents and your parents? Chloe even? We are so entwined in each other’s lives. It would be so awkward.”

“Julia. Stop,” Graham takes off his hat to run his fingers through his hair. “You keep saying this, but the only one who feels that way is you. Everyone else is on board. This is an excuse, just like the distraction is an excuse. I’m not saying you aren’t allowed to feel how you are feeling, but the real question is, do you trust me?” His eyes flash when they meet mine.

“I… don’t know,” I finally say.

Graham takes a step back, as if I struck him. His eyes show his hurt and he looks down. After a minute, he looks up, his eyes shuttered. “Well, the ball is in your court. Decide you trust me, and I’m here. I am entirely trustworthy. I know I goof off, I’m friendly, I tease, I quit things. But Julia, I have been in love with you since I was seven years old, before I knew what it meant to love someone. I’ve spent the last three months trying to show you that I am not going to get distracted. I signed up for wrestling, I stopped skipping class—well except for the promposal—I study, I turn in my assignments. Being with you has helped me be a better person. Do I help you be a better person?” He shoves his hands in his pockets and takes another step back. My heart is racing, and I am regretting bringing this up. My face is flushed, and I’m a little dizzy. The last few months flash before my eyes. I press my hands to my eyes, trying to stop the thoughts and memories.

“When you are ready to answer those questions, you know where I live.” He meets my eyes one more time before turning toward his house.

I watch him walk away and sit down on the front step to cry, but I have cried so much in the past twenty-four hours, nothing comes. I hear the front door open, and Nathan sits down next to me.

He nudges my shoulder and I look at him. “You know, I love Graham. He’s been my best friend since before I can remember, but I have always been team Julia. You are my twin sister, and there is literally no one I love as much as I love you. But this time, this time, I think I’m team Graham. You didn’t give him the opportunity to explain before you decided he got distracted. And who cares? Do you really think it’s reasonable for his focus to be on you all the time?”

“Well, I, no. That’s not what I mean. It’s not all about me. I just want to trust him, and I don’t know if I can.”

“Nah, you don’t know if you will. Big difference. This one is on you, sis.” He stands up and wipes his hands on his pants. He kicks me gently in the foot. “Still team Julia, but no one bats a thousand.” Nathan heads to the car and climbs in. He starts the car, and I stare at him the entire time. He rolls the window down, leaning across the passenger seat. “Wanna go for a drive? Maybe we can figure it out together. I helped him get the girl; maybe it’s your turn.” I give him a small smile and get in the car.

“I’ll take the drive, but let’s just hang out. Our relationship doesn’t need to be all about Graham.”

“It never has and it never will be. Like I said, I’m with you, all the way.” Nathan squeezes my hand before backing out of the driveway.