Page 1

Chapter 1

Julia

I’m standing in the hallway at my high school, using a windowsill as a table, staring at my overcrowded bag in dismay. I pull out a textbook part of the way and try to cram two books where only one can fit. “I wish I had a locker. But no, stupid Arizona schools with no lockers. It’s probably a chiropractor conspiracy,” I mumble to myself.

“What’s a conspiracy?” a deep voice says from over my shoulder. I startle, dropping my bag in the process. A loud tearing sound mixes with the books hitting the floor.

“Shoot, sorry J.” Graham Kealoha, my brother’s best friend and my next-door neighbor, bends down and starts collecting the loose papers and books from the floor. He picks up my bag and stares at the hole in the bottom, letting the last few items slip out. “Well, the good news here is that now I get to carry your books for you. I’m a strapping young man; this will be no problem.” He winks and flexes his biceps.

I don't want to blush; I want to be totally unaffected. But that’s not how this works. I am affected. Honestly, I don’t see how I could not be. He is gorgeous. He’s barely under six feet tall, with dark skin and broad shoulders that come with being part Hawaiian. His teeth are perfectly straight, a product of years of braces, and bright white, because his mom used to be a dental hygienist. He wears a backwards baseball hat every day except Sunday, when he goes to church with his parents. I love when I get a glimpse of him Sunday mornings, in an aloha-style shirt, nice slacks, with his wavy black hair combed neatly back. It’s not that I wait for him to walk out to the car, but when the stars align, I definitely take the opportunity to look. But I need to stop that. I can’t like him. It’s not worth the risk. I shake my head at him, trying to hide my feelings. I want to say no thanks, but honestly, I need the help.

“Here, you can take the heaviest ones.”

He holds out his arms, and I load them up with my thickest textbooks. I grab my pencil case and a few notebooks. I stand and start towards my next class.

“So, does this mean we’re together? Carrying books is like a thing, right?” Graham smirks. “This could be the start of a beautiful relationship. My mom always says stuff like that and then sighs while the guy in the movie falls in love. I could be that guy for you, J.”

“Dude. Leave her alone,” my twin brother, Nathan, says, coming up behind us. “You ask her out all the time, and she always says no. Leave it.” I smile in gratitude and he nods back. My brother is an awesome guy, a little tense and grumpy but one of my closest friends. We look similar—wavy blond hair, green eyes, fair skin—only he is way taller than me. I’m not short exactly, but he is definitely tall. There is no doubt that we’re siblings. We even have the same cadence when we talk.

“Just because you aren’t looking for love doesn't mean she isn’t. Leave him alone,” Chloe, my best friend, snaps. I’m not sure when she got here, which is strange. Normally she loves to make an entrance. She brushes her dark hair away from her face, spearing Nathan with her bright blue eyes before returning to her cell phone.

“Well, good morning, Chloe,” Nathan says sarcastically.

Chloe doesn’t respond, taking a few quick steps to get away from Nathan.

I grip my books a little tighter, rolling my eyes. I wish they would just get along. Or at least try. But they are like oil and water— they take every opportunity to clash. They aren’t normally mean, just disagreeable. It used to stress me out, but now I know it’s their dynamic. Water runs downhill, the sky is up, and Chloe and Nathan argue. It is how it is.

“Nathan, it’s okay. I can take it. I know, deep down, you are actually rooting for me.” Graham nudges Nathan’s shoulder, careful not to drop my books. “Look, progress. She let me carry her books!”

“Ugh.” I groan out loud. It’s my method for trying to overcome this crush. Being around Graham always gives me that nervous, excited feeling. For eleven years. Eleven. I’ve watched him flirt and tease every girl with a pulse. Including me. Does he mean it? In the moment, probably. But long term? I don’t know, and that’s what scares me. His parents are best friends with my parents. His much older brothers used to babysit us. I see him all the time. He lives next door. Do you know how many days there are in eleven years? Yeah, me neither, but it’s a lot of butterflies, blushing, and nerves. And the best way to convince myself that I didn’t want to see him was to act like I didn’t want to see him. It’s called manifesting or something like that. I came up with it when I was maybe ten. Clearly, my progress is minimal.

“Be careful. Keep groaning like that and people will start to think you mean it,” Chloe taunts quietly as she picks at her nails.

“I do mean it!” I demand, a little too intensely.

“Mean what?” Graham says, trying to weasel his way back into the conversation. His eyes dart between me and Chloe, and when he realizes we aren't answering, he changes the subject. “So, back to the beautiful relationship. Julia, are you free tonight?” Graham wiggles his eyebrows at me. A couple sophomore girls walk by, and Graham winks at them after they wave. I wrinkle my nose for a second before I clear my face. I need to keep it to myself.

“She is coming to the football game with us. Like always.” Nathan says. Graham has a confused look in his eye for a second. His smile grows and he nods, almost as if he remembers what the conversation is about. I take a deep breath and steel my resolve. He can’t even walk down the hallway with me without getting distracted. He would probably like me just long enough to do some major damage to my heart before he moves on to someone else. Clearly, this won’t work. I can’t have a crush on him. Besides, even if I did overlook that, he is Nathan’s best friend. Recipe for disaster. I’ve seen movies. I’ve read books. The happy ending is fake; it’s the middle that is real life. The couple breaks up, and the brother has to choose. That’s real life.

“Just in case anyone cares, I’ll be there too.” Chloe rolls her eyes. She hates being left out of the conversation. Nathan rolls his eyes right back. For the love.

“I care, Chloe!” Graham grins, bumping his shoulder on hers.

“Thanks, Graham-cracker.” Chloe smiles.

The bell rings and I grab Chloe’s arm, pulling her toward class. Graham hustles after us, telling Nathan he’ll see him soon, and sets my books on my desk once we get to the classroom. “I’ll be waiting outside after class.”

“Graham!” Ginger Cole says, leaning against his arm, pulling his focus. Her shoulder-length blond hair should clash with the bright orange of her cheerleading uniform, but because life isn’t fair, she looks gorgeous. “Will you be at the football game tonight?”

“Of course! I never miss an opportunity to watch the cheerleaders.” He high fives the football player sitting in the desk next to me.

“Well, watch me, okay? I’ll throw a special flip just for you.” She flutters her eyelashes, pretending to be all demure but really, she’s throwing herself at him. I try to fight any physical indication that I am bothered by this by staring at my blank notebook.

“Mr. Kealoha, where are you supposed to be? It’s definitely not here,” Mr. Atkinson says.

“Right you are, sir. I shouldn't be here at all.” Graham heads towards the door. “Always good to see you.” He winks at me, but I hear a small giggle and whispers from behind me.

“Oh my gosh, Ginger. He is so into you!” one of the cheerleaders gushes.

“I know, right?”

I glance over my shoulder and see her smug grin. I look up to see if he’s still standing there. He’s long gone, and I am left wondering if the wink really was for me or not.

***

Graham

I think about Julia the whole walk across campus. I don’t understand how every guy in school isn’t in love with her. She’s smart, funny, kind, and so beautiful. I’m late for class again because I walked her to hers. I don't regret it, though. Hopefully I can charm Mr. Dune into not giving me detention. If I tell him I was helping a friend, would he believe me? Maybe he’s a romantic, and I can tell him I was trying to win over my crush. My crush . I hate that it's been years and still she’s just my crush. I want nothing more than to upgrade that, but like I said, years and no dice.

I have been best friends with Nathan since that neighborhood preschool group our moms started. No other moms were interested, so it was the three of us. The first day, I was sitting at the table playing with toy cars when the twins ran in. As soon as I made eye contact with Julia, the clouds parted. Angels sang. Hearts floated around her head. I was twitterpated, in a way only a four-year-old could be. I was mesmerized by her long blond hair. It was wavy and unruly, and I loved it. Still do. I ran into the kitchen and grabbed a lollipop to give to her. It was key to getting her to love me. Before I could pass it to her, Nathan jumped in the way and asked to play cars. So, that was that. I'm easily distracted. Always have been. This was the start of me watching Julia while I played with Nathan. In a not creepy way, of course. She might not return my feelings, but I’m not a creep. Over the next few years, things shifted. Nathan and I became more interested in sports, and Julia kept reading. And if she wasn’t reading, she was humming. I have always wanted to hear her sing. Unfortunately, the best I’ve gotten was a light melody through the bedroom wall when I slept over. Eventually, she met Chloe and the space between us grew.

I’ve always liked to make people laugh, just like my dad. He’s a big joker, always making people smile everywhere we go. Truthfully, he is a big everything. Well over six feet and three hundred pounds, his resting face is as terrifying as they come, but he has a sparkle in his brown eyes, just waiting to come out in the form of a joke. I want to be like him, so I am. Julia rolls her eyes a lot when I tease her, but she can’t hide the blush. She likes me; I’m sure of it.

When we started high school, I decided to ask her out. I built up my courage, but on my way to talk to her, I was waylaid by Ginger Cole. She took advantage of my distraction, and so we went out once. I didn’t want to, but I have a hard time saying no. I’ve gotten pretty good at switching it up enough so it’s not a date. That way, I don’t feel like a jerk at the end of the night, punching their shoulder and mentioning how great of a friend they are. No one likes to be rejected. Ask me how I know. Then, after I hung out with Ginger or Marissa or whomever, I would ask Julia out again. She would say no. The never-ending cycle. But one day, she is going to say yes. I’m sure of it. I think. I hope.

I walk into class and sit down beside Nathan.

“Glad you made it. Trying to get my sister to date you again?” Nathan asks, totally straight-faced. Don’t let it fool you— he has a great sense of humor. He just hides it, for a reason I cannot understand or explain. I want everyone to know how entertaining and fun I am.

“Yeah, didn’t make much progress. Maybe you could deliver a note for me?”

“Ha. No. You know I don’t care if you ask her out, but under no circumstances will I ask her out for you. That’s weird. Speaking of weird, remember freshman year when you tried to ask out Julia, but somehow you ended up on a date with Ginger? That was weird.”

“Thank you for the reminder. I love thinking about how I screwed that up. Besides, you know I hate saying no.”

“You know who is good at saying no? Julia. Every single time you ask her out.” Nathan laughs and I reach over to punch him.

“Low blow. She’ll say yes eventually.” I hold up my hand and cross my fingers

“Who will say yes eventually?” a girl asks as she’s sitting down, looking way too eager. She's wearing a cheerleading uniform, and I am sure whatever I say will make it back to Ginger way faster than should be possible.

“Okay, class. Sit down. Let’s talk chemistry.” Mr. Dune yells, saving Nathan and me from having to answer. Nathan winks at me and I mime writing a note with a smirk on my face.