Page 69 of Antiletum (The Nocturne #1)

“One day”—I lean over to kiss her knee through the blanket, falling to my back once more—“you’ll be able to do it too. I’m certain. We will be able to fly together.”

I get lost in her hazel eyes, burrowing into me. Wondering if this is real. If I finally have her. My wife stares at me as openly as I do her. Lost in the calm quiet. Never wanting to leave. I’m warm all over.

Is this what it’s like to be relaxed? Happy?

The weightlessness I experience is foreign. New and exciting.

“Blair told me you never told any of them your name,” Delaney says softly. “From before.”

“No. I didn’t. I wanted to leave that person behind.

” I roll over onto my stomach, arms lost under a pillow.

I never break my wife’s gaze, nor she mine.

“And besides, Sebastian officially died. At the hands of your father. I stayed out of Omnitas, mostly, for nearly a year. Until I was completely unrecognizable.”

Delaney takes a deep breath. It hurts—witnessing the anguish flaring in her beautiful eyes.

“What was it like, when your family brought you here?” she asks. Avoiding talking about her parents. Not fully opening up. “Was it hard for you?”

I don’t allow the sinking sensation in my stomach to take hold, forcing myself into patience. Reminding myself that her forgiveness, her willingness to speak openly with me, will take time and effort.

“Yes. Those first months at The Citadel were incredibly difficult. Thrust into high society when I could barely even write. Only knew my age because Blair was able to read me with her smoke creatures and tell me. It turned out I was seventeen. Had been for a couple months when we met and was none the wiser. ”

We peer at each other, inspecting one another openly, looking beneath the years of age to the faces we first saw and fell in love with, fitting them to what’s in front of us now. Imperfect. Just right.

“It was unnerving. Meeting this strange woman and her telling me my age—down to the fucking second.”

Delaney laughs. “When I first met her she ripped my clothes off and had smoke creatures invading my nose.”

I groan. “Sounds like Blair.”

Soft fingers trace the owl tattoo across my back. The symbol that started pulling me out of my despair. Thanks to the friends I had made who held my hand through it: Mallin (literally); Alaric (metaphorically). My hand sweeps from beneath my pillow to curl around Delaney’s thigh, right by my head.

“I told you I don’t sleep much,” I say. “I don’t know if it’s because of my owl.

Or spending too many nights being on edge in the streets.

Either way, when I made it here, I endured endless sleepless nights in that cavernous room with that huge bed.

I felt like I was being swallowed whole, everything too wide and open, even though I was used to sleeping outside.

Kept waking with a jolt of guilt for finding a better life when so many others like myself were left to rot and forever would.

Abused and hungry. If it hadn’t been for my ability to shift and hunt, I’d have died long before my father found me.

Insomnia was fueled further because for the first time, as long as I could remember, I was allowing myself to feel more than just rage. ”

“Is that when you started painting?” Her quiet question speaks to her regrets in destroying the one I left for her. No bother. There are many more, as she will one day see.

I caress her supple leg in silent forgiveness.

“Yes. That was Heath’s idea. He gave me my first sketch book and paints. Told me to do something else in the times I couldn’t sleep. Not toss and turn and connect negative connotations to the act of sleeping itself.”

Endearment is clear in her voice when she replies, “That was smart. Did it help?”

“Eventually. It was very peculiar. How abysmal my penmanship was learning to write. Still is. But then drawing and painting came easily. I only knew how to read already because a librarian took pity on me when I sought refuge among the shelves and books so often. I chose the name Valledyn based off of a character I admired in a book.” With a chuckle I add, “I didn’t take into account how it would flow with my new surname that I would adopt as well. ”

“It’s a beautiful name. And it suits you.”

Delaney doesn’t stop her slow tracing over my skin, mapping out the wings on my back and shoulders.

“I like this.” Her admission is barely audible and an absolute understatement.

Her tone gives it away as much as her smoldering expression upon seeing it for the first time in the graveyard.

Practically burned me alive with all her untapped desire.

“I wish I could have had someone capture your face when you first saw it. What was left when I turned to you was positively sinful .”

Sitting up to join her, I pull her back into my arms. Nuzzle into her neck. She bends her back graciously to give me better access, making a delectable, breathy little noise.

“I knew you’d let me kiss you in that graveyard.” I kiss her now and she returns it with fervor. “You looked like you were ready to pull your skirts up for me right then and there.”

“When did you get it?” Delaney asks about my tattoo, pushing me away playfully.

“Around a year after my father took me in. I was cracking. I kept my composure up during the day, played my part and played it well. Then I’d fall apart in the evenings in my rooms after Heath and Blair finished their crash course etiquette, writing, and history lessons.

I got horribly drunk one night. Was downright maudlin.

Mallin and Alaric stopped by unexpectedly to find me raging and crying in my room.

So drunk I could barely stand. I told them everything.

About you—other than your necromancy. About my family.

About my ability to shift and what was expected of me in Suredeis.

Gave them both a right fucking scare when I shifted in front of them without warning. ”

Delaney laughs. “I wish someone had captured their faces.”

My own rumble answers her. “They took it in stride. All things considered. Then dragged me out to get the tattoo. Claim my identity and whatnot. Luckily, Mallin and Alaric were both raised within Suredeis and were trustworthy. But that’s another reason I generally don’t drink.

Aside from being easily caught off guard, I was very loose-lipped that night. Not worth the risk.”

“I like how loose-lipped you are with me,” Delaney admits softly.

I reach up and stroke her cheek. “Now if I can just get you to be the same.”

“I meant it.” She says it so hurriedly, I don’t think she intended to admit anything at all.

“Meant what, Delaney?”

“When I told you I love you. You were right. The words were yours in any form. I never really wanted to take them back.”

Warmth is running from the top of my head down to every last fiber of my being. “I love you too, ocellus . I intend to spend every day for the rest of our lives proving that to you. Better than I have.”

“ Ocellus ,” Delaney repeats, letting it roll slowly off her tongue. Like she can taste the meaning but not quite pinpoint its flavor .

Knowing dawns in the very eyes that inspired the nickname. I had been giving me little hints, all along the way. Ever since I made her my wife. I grin, seeing it on her face. She’s figured out what it means.

“Little eye?” Delaney arches a brow. “Like when you told me my eyes remind you of eyelets in feathers and wings?”

“They do. I could get lost in that blue. As vast as the sky.”

“You told me I fit every translation of the word. The others?”

“ Darling is the other typical definition. If you ever hear Mallin or Alaric emphasize the word darling around us , yes, they are absolutely teasing.”

“I’m sorry,” she tells me.

Instantly, I shake my head. Confused. “For what? You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“I have. I’m sorry for suggesting your father didn’t care about you beyond what you can do. I don’t know anything about your relationship with him. It was wrong for me to suggest such.”

I heave a sigh. “It only hurt because I’d had those same thoughts of late. I know they’re not true. But it can be difficult, not falling to feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy. Especially since everything has essentially imploded. All at once. The pressure has been immense.”

Lord. Leader of Suredeis . One of the two necessary people to achieve success in a better life for all. The other being my wife.

We’re quiet again, the only sounds around us the flap of wings and hoots and screeches of owls, owning the night. Like the Nocturne .

The thought of the deos and Suredeis has me clamping my eyes closed. Covering them with my hand.

It was easy, pushing the missing Vulpes Heartstone out of my mind when Delaney came to find me. Having never left for the manor at all. Waiting for me to return to her .

Yes, it’s been entirely comfortable not thinking of how horribly I’ve failed Suredeis . Murdering Rainah before she located Panthera. And now, letting Vulpes get away.

Delaney senses my shift, slipping away from our quiet, calm cocoon.

“You were upset when I came in here. Beyond everything between us,” Delaney says.

Peeking between my fingers, the shadow of her breasts are intimate and tantalizing in the low lighting. Such a lovely distraction.

She grabs my chin, tilting my head to look at her face and my hand falls away from my eyes. “What happened while you were gone?”

Rising, I glance around at the conservatory, all the formerly dead flora bursting with life.

Our magic holding without thought. To the point where the threads we used to seep life back into stalks and petals are wearing away, becoming settled until they don’t need our connection at all. Becoming permanent all on their own.

I gulp, steeling myself to let Delaney down. Yet again. “The Vulpes Heartstone is gone.”

Even in the minimal light, I can see the color drain from her face. The way her eyes narrow at me suspiciously. “What do you mean gone ?”