Page 32 of Antiletum (The Nocturne #1)

In this short breath, stretched across my sister’s grave in the rain, my want to be on the side of Suredeis forges fully.

It’s now unbreakable, the reasons all my own and completely different from the tentative want I found with Blair and Selise to aide in resurrecting deos .

Far past seeking freedom for the masses, but seeking it for myself.

Harsh breaths pull through my lungs, my tears stuttering in my eyes. Sorrow running through every vein compresses into a hard and heavy lump in my chest: determination. I refuse to be the naive girl lorded by grief and so easily influenced by others. Not anymore.

Motivations going forward will be wholly my own.

“I’ve been looking for you,” a rumbly voice calls at my back. Soft. Somewhat relieved.

Satisfaction pulls at my lips.

A black parasol trimmed with silver tassels spins leisurely between my fingers, a perfect pinwheel over my shoulder. I don’t turn to address my predictable husband. Just as he’s been searching for me, I’ve been waiting for him.

“I told your steward to inform you that I was going out. If you asked,” I reply airily.

That added little extra was to give me time to complete the two particular tasks I had in mind before my husband inevitably got impatient and came to find me: visiting a solicitor’s office where I learned of the sale of my parents’ estate shortly before they died, followed by a small spirlinary in a quiet corner of the city.

Val’s strides lengthen to catch up with mine, side-stepping my guards.

Faced forward, refusing to look at him—not yet—I add, “If he failed at his task, perhaps you should fire him.”

Val swivels into my path, forcing me to stop walking.

Handsome in his casual silk top hat, immaculately tailored black pants and black shirt, complete with a severe barn owl.

It’s a miracle he isn’t sweating to death.

“All I was told is that you were ‘going out’ when I asked him to retrieve you when you didn’t show up for our breakfast.”

A brow arches up my forehead. I gesture wide—indicating that I am, just as I said, out .

My hand traces towards the towering trees lining the sidewalk, the old stone buildings with their rose windows and arched doors, a spanning stone bridge blooming with wisteria over the street.

The rush of the river cutting through the city is apparent over the horses clopping about pulling carriages and carts.

Stifled, my laugh weighs my lungs. For all his quiet brooding, Val is surprisingly easy to read. Just as I thought, he still expected me to join him this morning.

“I was worried about you,” Val says softly, leaning in closer to me so his words won’t carry. Slowly, he reaches out for me, gently encircling my wrist when I allow his touch. A breathless sigh flows from us both.

Val clears his throat, pulling me out of the way and under the shade of a live oak, stringy moss stroking the top of my parasol.

“I hoped we might talk more this morning. That I might be able to better explain.” Faceted black bores into me with intensity.

“And that I might be able to apologize. Begin trying to make it up to you.”

I want to laugh at the notion. Ask him here and now how he intends to rectify his actions in murdering my sister.

“I’m fine.” The lie is seamless. Nearly sounds believable, despite the thickening of my throat. Numb would be a better word to describe me right now. But my blanket of empty self-preservation is rapidly burning away in my husband’s presence.

Not ideal.

Val’s focus flays me alive, roving over every inch of my face, skeptical. “I’m here for you, Delaney.”

He reaches up a large hand, veins prominent in the summer heat.

Knuckles brush over my cheek, then my three earrings when I don’t shy away.

“Beautiful,” he whispers so softly I don’t think he meant to say it aloud.

Some of his tension eases noticeably, my silly head turning into his hand against my will.

The desire to stroke my fingers over the black studs in Val’s ear overtakes me.

Deos . What is wrong with me?

“All I ever wanted was to protect you. Make you happy. This was the only way I could.”

All that sincerity is disconcerting. Twisted rationality within Val truly believes that his actions were justified. Explains why he tried to convince me that grand gestures are subjective.

How very romantic of him.

With what frequency was Val watching me, throughout the last ten years, without me even knowing? That one visit I had to Omnitas as a girl was a more pivotal moment than I ever would have guessed. Everything about me, my life, changed that day.

If I don’t distract myself soon, I might just fall apart again, in the middle of the bustling street.

Breezing past my husband, my stroll resumes. My guards follow along wordlessly, like their Lord isn’t present.

The streets of Omnitas are hot, humid, and busy.

The sun is high in the clear blue sky, bright and pure as a joyful baby’s grin.

As if not a single atrocity has ever occurred in the world.

Like it isn’t heating the trash and refuse running in the streets, steeping the stench of poverty and illness thick in the air.

Not even the ample flowers and scented oil lanterns can mask the smell.

Val follows in stride, worry washing over him anew in my blatant refusal to acknowledge his sentiment. “Delaney.”

Shock settles over my husband when I raise his arm so I might wind mine through it, instructing him to join me .

I cut him off briskly, before he can say anything. “It’s a lovely day, Valledyn. Walk with me.”

“You want me to accompany you?”

“That’s what I just said. Don’t a Lord and Lady often promenade through the city together?”

“That they do.” Val’s posture straightens, a small smile playing at his lips at my snark. “I’d be delighted.”

Both heat and cold race through my body, thrumming. An alive little thing. The chill of fury is strong—the fuel that’s keeping me going, keeping this demure smile plastered on my face. It has me squeezing Val’s arm, offering him a charmed grin.

The citizens of Omnitas begin to recognize the Lord and Lady in their midst as we stroll.

I covered my obvious attire announcing my station in a light cloak for as long as I could in this heat, shedding it only moments before Val appeared.

The pictures from our party haven’t been widely circulated yet, the images having only made it to the papers this morning, making me not as easily recognizable without Val.

Perfect.

“I would have joined you when you left this morning,” Val says. “We could have dined out, if you needed a change of scenery.” His statement is serious, confirming exactly what I expected. He stewed alone in his rooms, waiting for me to join him for breakfast. Oh, the arrogance.

I stroke a hand down his arm. “I was anxious to shop and didn’t want to bother you.”

“You could never be a bother. Anything in particular?” He nearly sounds charmed, glancing around at the lack of bags my guards carry .

“Just some pieces from the artisans of Omnitas. I’m having them delivered.” A last minute decision, after learning about my specific inheritance.

Val laughs. “Redecorating?”

I smile at him wide. “Something like that.” He smiles right back. Delighted as a dog given a treat after destroying something you love, entirely too eager for my forgiveness and attention.

Val’s voice drops lower, so only I can hear him. Gentle, but firm. “I understand you needed space this morning. But what came to light last night changed nothing. As long as you refuse to share our nights, we will begin our days together.”

The urge to tell him that his treachery came to light only minutes before I planned to close all distance between us, dangle it right in his face, is strong. He so nearly had me back in his bed.

“Yes, Valledyn. In some sense, nothing has changed.” Such as the strong, loving, united front we will put up as Lord and Lady. Husband and wife. Secretly preparing to resurrect Heartstones and return our deos from where they rest.

He’s taken aback by my quick acquiescence. “Very well, then.”

With every exchange, Val’s demeanor relaxes into a calm confidence. No need to bother correcting him right now.

Not out in the open with many watching eyes.

The determination of my ruse has me leaning into him often.

Gentle touches landing on his chest, his shoulder.

On top of his large hands as we walk and shop.

With every small affection, Val practically buzzes with contentment.

It floats over to me, skewing my focus. Enough that I have to keep reminding myself that he’s a murderer. That this isn’t real.

It never was .

Part of me wants to fling myself away from my husband.

Free the dagger sheathed at his side and plunge it into his neck, over and over and over.

To end his life like he challenged me to do.

Another deeply shameful piece wants to lean in closer.

Feel more of his heat. Maybe ask him to drape a strong arm over my shoulders.

Get a little closer and bask in the spicy, warm notes that are all him.

So rich and complex. Musky and masculine. Downright primal.

A towering cake slathered in lavender buttercream displayed in a window catches my attention, igniting a spark of inspiration.

With a sudden, more harsh than necessary yank on Val’s arm, I steer us to the bakery on an impulse. A trail of foxglove growing by the door brushes against my parasol before I snap it closed and prop it over my shoulder, dragging my husband into the stagnant sugary haze indoors.

A glass case displays a gallery of sweets, popping in colors and textures like a painting.

“What should I get?” I ask, pulling Val to the spread. “Oh, that one right there looks good. With the apples.”

Finger not quite touching the glass, I turn questioningly to Valledyn for an opinion.

He opens his mouth to answer, but I interrupt him, moving to a different array of treats.

“On second thought, a dozen of those.” I indicate towards little cakes like the ones Val was shoveling into his mouth last night—as if my whole world wasn’t falling apart. Yet again.

A coy, conspiratorial smile plays at my lips, turning to Val. When our gazes meet, I let some of the fire simmering in my soul surface for the briefest second. “My husband is partial to those.”

His brow furrows deep, head cocked to the side curiously. Studiously. Like he’s starting to realize this may all be too good to be true. This close, I watch Val’s black pupils overtake his black irises. “Delaney.” My name on his lips is rushed, fearful .

Turning back to the baker, Val doesn’t allow me to disregard him. He holds my elbow, pulling me to the side while my rainbow array of confections are stacked into a box.

“Delaney,” Val parrots himself, then licks his lips nervously. Lost for words. His hand digs deep into his pocket, and I have half a mind to rip it free, sink my own fingers into the fabric, and reveal whatever it is he clings to so dearly.

Chuck it into the sewers and thieve his comfort.

Instead, I challenge him with his own name. “Valledyn.”

As expected, his breath catches, just barely. His pupils bloom the tiniest bit, yet again, for a different reason than before.

“What is this? What are you doing?”

“Enjoying a lovely day in the city. With my devoted , doting husband.”

Val’s dark eyes scan my whole face, looking for something.

“This isn’t… what I expected,” he finishes.

The worry he held upon finding me on the street comes back to fruition.

His gaze slides up and down my body, concentrating on the black and silver dress I boast proudly, the spread wings of a barn owl decorating my hem.

Accepting that my attitude now doesn’t fit with how we left things last night.

Leaning up on my toes, I ground myself with my parasol to the floor. My lips slide across Val’s cheek, giving it a tender kiss. He shudders beneath my hand on his shoulder, instinctively bracketing my waist to hold me closer. Gravitating towards each other.

A sly smile plays on my mouth when I whisper in his ear, teeth barely clicking against his trio of piercings. “You’re not the only one who can put on a show.” From any vantage point, it would look like a simple exchange of affection. A dirty little secret shared between newlyweds .

When I drop down, Val’s jaw is tense, pulling me tighter, showing me that he wants to keep me close, his free fist balled at his side.

A deeper pitch coats my words when I brush by his shoulder, exiting his hold. Cold. A complete juxtaposition with how I stare at him with adoration, clasping our hands together. “Smile, Valledyn. The people are watching.”