Page 12 of Antiletum (The Nocturne #1)

I’d rather not deal with Mallin’s reaction to my sacrificing Tabitha to the Heartstone right now. At least this morning I did learn that Tabitha’s final words were truth.

Good for her.

Mallin motions his hand impatiently for me to get to the point.

He’s used to my long winded explanations, usually getting too lost in my own thoughts and real-time ruminating on the topic at hand to converse.

Old habits and what-not. Mallin’s a good friend, generally not prying at my cemented doors too hard, knowing how fragile they can be.

“Apparently Delaney had some kind of premonition from Rainah the night of our wedding, telling her not to trust me.”

In a very characteristically accurate reaction, Mallin lets out an echoing belly laugh, head thrown back. Another reason he’s a good friend. His contagious humor cracks a smile from me as well.

“I mean…” Mallin trails off, giving me a patronizing stare, brow raised. Challenging me to argue.

Fucking Rainah. Being right.

“Yes,” I say with irritation that is decidedly directed at a dead woman and only a little towards myself. An internal lie that I cling to. “It’s certainly brought forth complications. I gave Delaney the barest basis for, well, everything.” I pick up the letter from Parliament, waving it gently.

“How did she respond?” Mallin asks.

With an exhausted sigh, I lean back in my chair, raking my hands down my face, failing to clear the ache in my throat. “Not well. She’s more suspicious of me now, not the government. ”

Mallin gives me a pitying stare. “I’m just going to go out on a limb here—knowing you so well.

I would wager pounds of antiletum that you snuck in while Delaney slept.

She woke up, and you were just unexpectedly there.

With breakfast. Then bombarded her with information while she was still getting her bearings for the day. ”

Immediately, I defend myself. “Well, it wasn’t getting me anywhere before, giving her endless space. I had to do something.” It seemed like a foolproof idea at the time. “You essentially said the same thing minutes ago.”

“You truly are both pathetic and painfully clueless, Valledyn.”

“Yes. We’ve established that. Now help.”

He shakes his head. “You can’t just go from one extreme to the other.

Letting her run from you without any push back and then jumping straight into allowing yourself into her rooms, while she sleeps, to demand she accept your company while simultaneously giving breadcrumbs about this generations-in-the-making coup. That’s a very aggressive approach.”

I gape at him, very clearly seeing the point he’s making.

A good, good friend.

“You may be on to something.”

He does have a happy marriage. He was able to inform Selise of Suredeis and all that the organized resistance to Parliament entails in a way that didn’t have her running from him. And he had a couple relationships before they were paired.

Personally, I’ve never had more than one-time partners.

Just enough to release my tensions while also learning how to be a proper lover.

Aptly discovering how a woman might like to be touched.

What might make her shake and moan and scream my name as she comes.

And never anyone at The Citadel. Imagine bringing my wife face-to-face with the women who taught me how to fuck .

What a nightmare.

“And what do you suggest?” I ask Mallin, hastily rifling through papers to find a clean piece. I collect my pen, poising it in my hand. Ready to take notes, like a knowledge hungry scholar being enlightened to something new.

Mallin stares at me, disbelieving. I’m overly eager. I wouldn’t dream of being this blatantly desperate in front of anyone else. Besides, perhaps, Alaric. And Delaney. And I suppose Blair as well.

After the warning from dear Tabitha before her untimely demise, I had a fool’s hope that giving Delaney a glimpse at the truth would start to soften her suspicions.

If I gave her a legitimate reason why her dead sister may be warning her against me—if I offered her my very real hatred for Parliament and a glimmer of why it even exists. A hint at what I intend for us to do.

Bring all the Heartstones back.

It was a split decision during dawn hours when I returned to the manor to surprise my wife when she woke.

Ever resourceful, a trait I deeply pride myself on, our breakfast together was to serve a few purposes.

One: soothe my ever increasing ache to be in Delaney’s lovely presence.

Despite my promises to myself, I may have given in—twice—to my need to have my mouth near her skin.

Two: have a legitimate excuse that isn’t “I killed Tabitha” for how I got answers on my wife’s reservations towards me.

Certainly no need to mention the light torture before said murder.

Three: forcefully open up the door for me to begin trickling the truth to Delaney at a palatable pace.

Turns out it wasn’t all that palatable to her.

It had the opposite effect and my wife is now more wary of me.

Mallin sighs, rubbing at the back of his neck, and takes a seat. “Fine. I have some ideas that I suppose I’ll share. Only because this is becoming absolute torture watching you flounder.” He grins. “Though it is refreshing seeing you so profoundly bad at something.”

Then we spend the rest of the day huddled in my office, coming up with ideas. Time that is much better spent than aiding in preparations to leave.