Page 6 of Antiletum (The Nocturne #1)

Stupid , I bash myself internally as Mallin hurries forward, Tabitha grabbing my elbow.

“Alright, come on,” Mallin says. “No sense dawdling unless you really are just a glutton for pain.” Edging Tabitha away from my uninjured arm, he takes it gently, my streaming eyes glancing up to meet his. He gives me a friendly wink. “I’m beginning to have my suspicions.”

All I do is glower at him.

He winces at my expression. “You have every right to be angry with me, my Lady. I broke your confidence, and so soon into our friendship. I should have warned you that I was going to tell Val, and I didn’t. There’s no excuse. For that, I apologize.”

Mallin sounds so sincere it gives me pause.

In my silence he continues. “You had that glint in your eye. The more I thought about it, the more I was worried you would take it a step further. And I was right. Val needed to know. You are in no danger from him. From any of us. Not for any reason.”

I huff, trying to stifle a multifaceted sob. My deadening hand begins to cramp, my fingers curling in the beginnings of rigor mortis. “That wasn’t your call to make,” I defend through gritted teeth and the panic fizzling in my chest as I fail to extend my fingers.

Mallin hurries our pace, Tabitha’s heels clicking along beside us.

“Not only would Val have flayed me alive for not making him aware, but I can’t in good conscience—for me — stand by and watch you hurt yourself.

” His tone is gentle, a contradiction to his swift pace to get me to our destination.

“Still, I should have told you.” He turns back to Tabitha.

“And you! You should be ashamed of yourself for encouraging her.”

Tabitha’s cheeks turn pink. “I wasn’t…” she trails off, knowing she’s about to lie. Tabitha absolutely encouraged my poor decisions. As she always does .

“Nonsense,” Mallin continues to scold unabashedly. “I heard you with her during both occurrences, and you were having a jolly good time. You’re going to have your own wedding soon, yes?”

“Yes.” Her response is a bitter and quiet mutter, knowing full well the point Mallin is about to present.

“I guess we can expect you to also practice without the counter of your husband then? Endure such pain?”

The embarrassment and shame staining Tabitha’s face crawls down to her neck. Mallin is right. Tabitha likely never will practice without her husband after their wedding, though she had no reservations encouraging my own defiance.

A pang hits my heart. Both over knowing that Tabitha will be leaving me tomorrow, as well as wondering if maybe it will be for the best. We’ve always been close, as close as I’ve ever been allowed to be with anyone, but I can admit that Tabitha hasn’t always been the greatest influence for me.

The sight of the infirmary doors coming into view nearly has me sobbing with relief. Tabitha’s and Mallin’s discussion is drowned out over the roar of my heartbeat pounding in my ears. My battle with nausea is quickly coming to an end, and I will not be the victor.

Nelda comes to the doorway, clicking her tongue with a pitying expression on her lined, dark face, her grey hair pulled back into a tight knot. “Come now, sweet thing,” she says, forgoing my formal title of Lady. “You aren’t the first. You won’t be the last.”

Mallin sighs. “No, but it will be much worse now.” He glances at an Ellden clock straining on the wall in the infirmary, its round face practically scowling at me over Nelda’s shoulder.

Nelda shakes a finger at Mallin. “Don’t ever presume to be able to tell me anything I don’t already know, boy.” The elderly woman cuts Mallin with a stern stare.

He chuckles. “I’d never dream of it, Grandmother.”

Night stretches over the Strigi Forest, the sprawl of silver stars twinkling against black.

This view is part of what made me decide to keep the tower for myself until we have to leave.

The serenity of sitting on this cushioned bench with the fresh scent of hazel and oak brushing my nose.

That, and my regular night time visitor who is drawn to this window, trimmed in black.

A sinking sensation pulls at my stomach, making the connection to how the starry night sky matches the colors reserved for only the Lady and Lord of Noctua to boast.

Me and Val.

With a wistful sigh, I push away that longing that’s plagued me since Rainah’s warning, forcing me to see reason. Sometimes I wonder if I have truly gone mad.

It makes it all the worse, how kind and understanding Val has been, not pushing me despite his clear confusion regarding what changed overnight.

Giving me space. I had but a few weeks to come to terms with the fact that I would be married.

Not only married, but become the Lady of Noctua .

Taking the position meant for my sister.

A position that drove my parents to lie to everyone about my magic.

I had barely begun mourning my parents and Rainah when I was informed Parliament had sanctioned a marriage for me .

I’ve been numbed by grief for so long, far before the demise of my immediate family, I’m not sure I know how to accurately process anything. I erased the ability to cope in a productive manner over the span of the last ten years. Much easier to pretend none of it exists.

Already, I’m tempted to try reaching Rainah beyond the grave again, to get answers on why I should be wary of Val. I so desperately want to trust him for unfathomable reasons. Just as much as I want to hide away.

Indecision has never addled me so thoroughly.

Though I saw Rainah in the mirror, she didn’t communicate with words as I hoped. It was difficult to hide my disappointment, making myself laugh with Tabitha as we went to leave despite my failure. Despite my trepidation in using my magic with so many strangers abound.

I just want to understand.

A warm breeze ruffles my hair, and in the distance, I see a familiar speck of darkness gliding through the air, headed to my tower. With a smile, I open the leaded window wider, leaving ample room to perch.

A knock pulls my attention. My freshly healed hand flexes, trying to work out the lingering tingles from my reinvigorated flesh and awakening nerves. The beeswax Val suggested does wonders for elasticity. Before I make it to the door, Tabitha peeks her head in.

“Hello cousin,” she says softly over the gentle purr of music from my phonograph in the corner. She’s almost too airy. Light from the gas lamp sconce shaped like an owl waves on her golden hair. “Do you have a minute?”

“Of course, come in.”

A piercing screech calls from my window, making Tabitha jump. “ Deos , that thing is back again?” She holds a dramatic hand to her heart .

I chuckle, strolling over to my window and sitting at the crimson cushioned bench to greet my visitor. As always, a branch covered in blueberries waits on the seat for me.

Perched on the sill is a male melanistic barn owl, his heart shaped face positively grinning at my approach.

In lieu of the typical white of his kin, he has a black face, matching his wise eyes, trimmings of brown around his beak. Tawny and onyx feathers mingle together on his wings with a dusting of pale speckles.

His head turns to the side, gaze narrowing with hostility on Tabitha.

“I haven’t seen him in a while. And don’t call him a thing ,” I scold.

Honestly, we pray to owls. Tabitha’s disregard is vexing to me.

“I’m glad he found me when he did. Now maybe I’ll have a friend when you leave.

” My heart sinks slightly. “At least until we leave for Omnitas to settle in The Citadel.”

Absent-mindedly, I brush down a couple of errant feathers.

His chest practically puffs as he inspects their smoothness like he’s done so many times since he came to me during my first full night in this tower.

I will miss the bird when it’s time to go.

This is the only time he’s come to me in a week, and I was beginning to think he’d forgotten about me.

Though perhaps it would be for the best. His behaviors have been indicating that he’s imprinted on me, despite clearly being an adult upon our first meeting.

“About that,” my cousin begins, coming to sit next to me. “I’m going to leave tonight.”

My already wilting heart plummets further. “But you were going to leave tomorrow.”

The owl tilts his head towards me, and I stroke a knuckle over the back of it. He bobs happily at my affection .

Tabitha offers me a soft smile. “I should have already left. My own wedding was pushed off so I could make it to yours when it was announced on such short notice.”

Tears prick the backs of my eyes. “And I’m so grateful.” I don’t argue her decision to leave tonight. What difference would a few hours really make? Besides, it’s not as if we’ve been inseparable, living on our fathers’ respective estates. “I’ll miss you,” I tell her with a watery smile.

“I’ll miss you too, cousin. I’m sure I’ll make my way to The Citadel before too long.”

Our bird companion gives a soft screech, hopping closer to me and briefly spreading his wings, almost as if he’s trying to flaunt his plumage. Or maybe he’s jealous of my split attention.

Tabitha laughs.

The owl ruffles his feathers softly, reproachful, moving closer to my side and away from Tabitha. “He really is majestic,” I observe. He makes a happy chittering sound.

“Such strange colors,” Tabitha muses, staring at the bird. “I thought most deformed offspring were rejected and starved by their mothers.”

I swear, he glares at Tabitha with undiluted hatred. Can’t say I blame him. She is being awfully rude.

Smacking against her arm, I say, “He is not deformed! Only a little different.” Something aches within me. Being a little different myself, I understand all too well. “And clearly, he’s a survivor. It’s admirable.”

She laughs. “You’re right. He is a handsome fellow.” Tabitha stands to her feet, not prolonging our goodbye. “I hope you find your answers, Delaney. And in turn, your happiness.”

I follow suit, leaving my animal friend at the window, watching us curiously. Half expecting him to fly off, he doesn’t, most likely waiting around for a snack .

Tabitha’s words needle at me, bringing up that indecision and confusion whirring within me—yet again.

Deos , I give myself whiplash. I can only imagine how my husband feels.

I haven’t been cruel, just… distant. While I try to figure everything out.

And acclimate to my new life and surroundings.

That chiding, guilty squeeze around my gut pulls me away from my want to trust. To let this go.

“Congratulations on your pairing, Tabitha.”

Without another word, Tabitha pulls me close, hugging my neck tight before letting go and walking to the door. She pauses at the threshold. “I’ll see you soon.”

Hollowness carves its way into me.

Another, quieter, screech calls, lifting my drooping head just as a tear slips from my cheek, falling to the floor. With a somewhat forced smile, I wipe it away and say, “Don’t worry. I didn’t forget about you.”

The barn owl clicks his beak once.

Going to a shelf by my door, I grab a jar with holes punctured in the lid.

The first time I caught him a treat, I learned to not feed him directly in front of me.

Watching him swallow a mouse whole while that worm-like tail hangs from his beak is not for the faint of heart, and it turns out, mine is quite weak.

Back at the cushioned window edge, the barn owl slides his head to the side, those wide black eyes staring at the glass in my hands hungrily. Laughing, I say, “Patience.”

About to give in to his hunger, my intentions are chased away by said owl hopping right next to my shoulder, mouse forgotten, to gently run his beak through my hair, smoothing a lock almost like I did his feathers. The branch covered in blueberries that he brought me catches my eye.

Gaze narrowed on him playfully, I pull back. “Stop trying to court me. I’m human. And you’re a bird. ”

Deos , I’m conversing with an owl. Accusing it of flirting with me.

He looks towards the mouse I’m about to offer him and displays his freshly preened feathers.

Fair point.

Holding up my newly healed hand, the silver of my vinculum band glints in the moonlight. “I’m also spoken for.”

Abruptly, he hops from the window ledge in a flurry of wings, landing on my knee. I yelp and barely stop myself from launching to my feet. He’s only ever perched on the window before.

My heart thumps in my throat, my eyes wide while I wait to see what he’ll do, those razor sharp talons pressed against my leg.

Never mind the owl. What am I doing!

Yes, we revere and pray to owls. But still, they’re predators and not often known to become friendly with humans—as Tabitha so kindly pointed out nearly two months ago, the first time this particular dark barn owl appeared at my window.

But all he does is slowly lean in towards my still raised hand, his flat, heart-shaped face coming up to my palm, soft feathers grazing my skin…

And slowly rubs his beak against my wedding ring.

A disbelieving sigh flows past my lips. Paralysis breaking, I lower my hand, unsure. Luckily, the panicked, squeaking mouse sensing a hunter gives me something to do. “Alright,” I say shakily. “That’s enough. Go eat.”

He’s still perched on my leg, those long, destructive talons resting against my thin skirt carefully, not even snagging on the fabric. Motioning towards the window to warn him, he follows my lead, weight shifting from foot to foot in preparation .

Swiftly, I unscrew the lid and fling the poor little mouse into the summer night, letting it tumble through the air in a flailing of limbs and tail.

The owl’s wing brushes my cheek, ever so softly, as he takes flight, diving towards his snack and catching it with ease, flying back in the direction of the Strigi Forest.