Page 63 of Antiletum (The Nocturne #1)

Blair laughs, which seems like an odd reaction.

“I absolutely deferred. But first, I was stolen. Only the people closest to me are aware of this. And Parliament. Because Llewellyn ven’Sol sold my story to Parliament as an explanation for why the likelihood of my being a Panthera spy was low.

And why I might be a devoted spy for the Noctua people instead, despite the rarity of changing factions. ”

This surprises me. “Val’s father.”

She smiles. “Yes.”

“And why was he the one to plead your case to Parliament?” I ask, but I can guess at her answer, knowing how he brought Val under his metaphorical wing.

“Because I was his ward. He was the one who rescued me from my captors.”

I had no idea that Blair and Val were essentially raised by the same man .

Seems as if the late ven’Sol patriarch had a habit of collecting powerful strays. Just as complicated as everything else, I’m unsure of how to feel about this man I will never meet.

“Llew was a private person. Especially after the death of his wife. He holed away in his ancestral seaside home for a lot of years, right near the Vulpes borders, of no use to Parliament anymore seeing as how he could no longer use his magic with his wife dead. Or at least, that’s what most believed.

Though the Ellden clocks weren’t as easily upset before, it was still precarious.

And antiletum that would even things out hard to come by.

Still, he never stopped searching for necromancers though his ability to track was greatly hindered.

That was why he was in Panthera when he found me.

Enslaved for years within my own faction to help the clan leader who kidnapped me build his miniature empire.

Until Llew and Heath came along and gave me another choice.

On my word, they killed him, bringing me back to Noctua to work with them instead. For a much better cause.”

“If Llewellyn was irrelevant to Parliament after his wife died, how did he become Alter?” I ask.

“Him and his son Heath both were brilliant men. Most skilled schemers and liars I’ve ever met.

Their politicking was pure genius. They were still well known and respected.

From an ancient bloodline. Perceived as loyal to Parliament from all their years acting as Parliament’s hounds.

An easy choice to be made Alter when the previous option was shrouded in scandal.

Llew would be a fully controlled subject, as Parliament saw.

Especially since Heath was unpaired. They wanted Heath back more closely under their watch without making it obvious they were trying to bring him to heel .

What better way than to call him to The Citadel than with his magicless father? ”

“But Llewellyn did still use his magic. He found you,” I point out. With a racing heart, hoping I’m not betraying him, I add, “And he found Val.”

Blair smiles wide and knowing, instantly easing my fear. “Valledyn has finally told you the story of how he came to us.”

Her relief makes my chest clench. The crinkle of her eyes tells me how deeply she cares for him. Flaws and all. Same as Mallin. And Alaric. If they know of his background, it’s less surprising that they’re willing to overlook his murderous antics.

“I met him. Before he came to you. When he was still—”

Blair holds up a hand. “Don’t say it. Don’t say that name.”

Curiously, I glance around the spirlinary , wondering if someone has come upon our conversation.

Blair’s smoke creatures flitter around, keeping guard no doubt.

We’ve been speaking quite openly about a very touchy subject.

I can’t imagine why Val’s former name would be any more dangerous to utter than what we’ve already said.

“He hasn’t told any of us what his mother called him,” she explains gently. “Which means he doesn’t want us to know. He put that person to bed the night he chose a new life and a new name. That’s your piece of him to keep.”

A squeeze around my fingers matches the cinch around my heart and brings my gaze to my lap. I forgot that Blair was holding my hand. So different from how she was when we first met. An empathetic woman, severe but caring.

“Llew made an exception a few times, to use his magic unbound after his wife’s passing.

When he became desperate and hoped the necromancers needed may be in Panthera being one of them .

And then tracking again for the first time in years after being fed information about a mysterious girl on an antiletum estate.

Rumored to be a grower like her parents.

One who was arriving in Omnitas with her family around the same time as him. ”

“But he chose to follow Val instead of me.” Bitterness laces my tone. “And adopted him for what he can do. Fostered his obsession for me, because I was needed too.”

“No one but Val knew how integral you were in Llew’s scheming before your wedding. He only came clean after, and there was no hiding left to do.” Blair’s statement matches what Val told me, that he never betrayed my trust about being a necromancer myself.

I can’t help but ask myself the same questions as Val: Had I known that boy I met was also a necromancer, would I have known he was Val from afar, hearing stories of the bastard necromancer within The Citadel?

Would I have known that he’d been fighting for me all along?

The tiny flickers of hope I held every time I looked at my husband, believing Sebastian to be dead but seeing him all the same, tell me that I would have.

And I would have worked equally to bridge that gap, to find him again and not leave all the burden upon his shoulders to carve into a life that we could share with each other.

Instead, I believed myself alone and gave up. I gave up on hope or the idea of a happy life. Mostly, I gave up on myself.

Blair continues, trying to make me understand.

“Llewellyn’s father trained him young to search for necromancers.

That man was fanatical. He was ruthless, as soon as Llew’s showing revealed him as a tracker.

That same goal was instilled within Heath when his gift was the same,” she tells me softly.

“ Suredeis originated in that family, many decades ago. It’s all they’ve known for too many generations. ”

Quietly, I say, “It sounds like we’ve all been exploited for what we can offer the cause.” Blair no exception. Llewellyn either, apparently.

“Llew’s father wasn’t as kind as he and Heath turned out to be.

Things could have been much, much worse.

For Valledyn. For me. No matter his motivations, he held out a hand to pull us out of the unfortunate lives we were served.

And he cared for us. Treated us as his own.

As did Heath. I had been with them for years by the time we found Val.

I suppose you could blame me for exploiting him, just as much as his father and brother.

” She pauses, her eyes glassy, voice low and strained when she adds with fervor, “But I love that boy. We all did.”

My nose burns and my vision turns hazy. Emotion aside, I let out a small chuckle, remembering how Selise told me Blair isn’t much older than us. Even through the relatively small age difference, she truly does give off such a wise, caring air. Stern, but maternal all the same.

“Val belonged with us.” Again, her warm, soft hand envelops mine.

“And you do too.” She doesn’t have to elaborate further, to harp on the failures of my parents to make her point about the acceptance I’ll find in this makeshift family.

If I’ll only allow myself to take it. Everything I’ve ever wanted, far beyond what’s offered from Val.

The more we speak, the more I believe that Val really did find a family with these people I accused of not caring for him.

How difficult was it, adjusting to his new life?

Such a contrast from what he left. No ease into the difference.

An ache pulls at me, needing to see his face, touch it while I apologize for suggesting he was unloved.

Blair inspects me pointedly. “We’ve all done things we’re not proud of.

We may be angry with each other. We may dole out punishments from that anger and disappointment.

Hold each other accountable. But change is uncomfortable, Delaney.

Difficult decisions have to be made in order to see that change through.

At the end of the day, we’re all human. And we all make mistakes. ”

Sniffling, I have the inkling we’re no longer talking about Llewellyn .

“He’s back, by the way.” Blair gives me a sly, knowing smile. “I know you’ve been asking about him in between feeding your heartsickness up here.”

My stomach falls to the floor beneath my pew. Equal amounts of excitement and terror course through me in an overwhelming sense of anticipation.

“Do you know where he is right now?” Pulse racing rapidly, I’m suddenly hot. Nervous.

Blair grins at me. “As a matter of fact, I do.”

I make only one short stop in Val’s chambers before heading to the conservatory Blair directed me towards. In his en suite, it’s easy to find the three diamond earrings in a velvet lined box, tucked safely in the corner of a drawer. A grin comes over me.

My predictable husband.

The three miniscule studs are identical to the ones I recently ripped free from my flesh. With a smile, I briefly skim my fingers over Val’s ebony wood comb then tuck the jewelry box in a pocket of my shimmery black skirts.

Quickly, I retreat from his rooms with what I need.

Ready for the hands that crafted them to place the vinculum and diamonds where they belong.

Equally anxious, I’m worried that by the time I reach the conservatory my husband may be gone, effectively out of my reach before I can get to him.

Before I can apologize and tell him what he means to me.

No matter how hard accepting that truth may be.