Page 55 of All the Forbidden Things

“Bill, were you still thinking of nannying, or are you done with that?” Cal asks her.

Billie stares at her plate, poking at her food with her fork. “I honestly hadn’t thought too much about what I was gonna do, maybe look for a job at a daycare or nursery or something.” She shrugs as she responds. Finally looking up, her blue eyes sweep from my face to her brother’s. “I was actually thinking about going back to uni next year and carrying on with my degree, but I’ll have to look into whether the credits I achieved in the States could be transferred or if I’d have to start over again.”

She sends a small apologetic smile my way.

“I’m gonna need someone as a live-in anyway, and they’d also have to be willing to travel when the band’s on the road.”

I watch as she sits up straighter, as if what I’ve just said has sparked her interest.

“What were you studying at uni?” Jake asks her.

“Psychology with childhood development and sociology as electives.”

I move my jaw from side to side in an attempt at loosening it. It works until Jake asks another question, and then I feel it tighten up again.

“What were you hoping to do with it at the end?”

“Childhood psychology. I’d like to work with children who are victims of trauma.”

Her tiny stature seems to grow as she answers, and it’s obvious this is something she feels passionate about.

Pride washes over me, and I knock back the glass of red Cal poured me when I first sat down to keep from smiling. Smart and beautiful.

“Why’d you give it up, your studies, I mean?” Again, Jake. Fucking Jake acting all interested and charming.

Billie tilts her head to the side and sucks in her lips while considering her answer. “I don’t like all of the rules and regulations that go with the subject. There are so many set guidelines you’re supposed to adhere to, and I hated the constraints. Each case, each child, patient, whatever, is unique. I know that from first-hand experience.” She pauses and shrugs before looking between all of us. “It just wasn’t what I thought, and I don’t want to waste six or seven years of my life studying something, only to discover that’s really not what I wanna do.”

She’s twenty-two.Justtwenty-two!Onlytwenty-two! And yet, I’m finding her more interesting, more engaging, than most of the women over thirty I’ve come into contact with in recent years, including my wife.

Especially my wife.

Fuck me, did I fuck up there.

“So, what else could you do, what else are you interested in?”

And fuck me again, sideways this time, because Jake needs to shut his mouth.

Before I can even move my eyes away from her plump lips, her little nose and the freckles dotted across it and come up with something interesting to say, he’s there, like a little Jack Russell, yapping out his next question.

Meanwhile, I sit there, mute, watching her.

“I’d still like to work with babies or children in some capacity, and I love music. Obviously, it’s been a big part of my life. Then there’s fashion, and I’d like to travel some more.”

“So, working for Max sounds like the perfect job then,” Kenzie chimes back in. “You’d get to travel while working with a baby and surrounded by music and musicians.”

“If you’re seriously thinking about nannying, I’d rather you worked for Max than anyone else, especially if you’re looking at live-in jobs,” Cal says, my eyes narrowing at everyone around the table because not one of them has bothered to ask me about this first.

“Most nanny positions are live-in, especially in London, most locations, really.”

I refill my wine glass as I search for another excuse as to why this shouldn’t happen, but at the same time, I recall how comfortable Billie looked holding Layla in her arms. After what I’ve seen today, if I were ever going to trust anyone with my baby girl, Billie would probably be very close to the top of the list.

“Where would they live, Max, if you get someone to live in?” Cal asks.

“The flat above the garage,” I reply.

“What about the studio, the noise?” Jake asks.

“It’s fully soundproof. Plus, it’s not like I’m going to be over there at odd hours. If I’m there working, chances are whoever I take on for the job will be over here with the baby.”