Page 19 of All the Forbidden Things

He remains impassive, but that doesn’t stop my heart rate from accelerating. Despite feeling sick, I continue to sip my coffee, just so I have something to focus on.

“You got any news for me?” I finally ask, keeping my voice low so as not to alert my mum.

Aaron slices his gaze from me to where Mum’s now busy prepping veg at the sink with Mel before he clears his throat and swallows. “First things first. There’s lots of speculation in the press and on social media about why Whitney was in the car with Gardener. Jerry’s been trying to reach you to discuss what to tell them. Whitney’s parents are here. I checked them into a hotel close to the hospital and arranged a driver for them.”

“Are they aware of the circumstances?”

“They are. Given the situation, we felt it best left to the police to explain the circumstances around the accident to the Federov’s, not you.”

I nod, unsure of how I feel about that.

This is it. Me being removed from the equation. The end of my marriage. Is that what I want? Right now, I think it probably is.

“I’ve clued in Lennon, and he’s put out a very generic press statement on your behalf, thanking people for their well-wishes but asking for privacy at this difficult time. You are still going to have to talk to him, though. I would advise talking to Jerry first, so you are both giving the same story to the public.”

Feeling oddly calm that everything is being taken care of, I continue to nod, my mouth too dry to speak, despite the coffee I’m drinking.

“When’s Whit going in for surgery?”

“It’s scheduled for eight o’clock tonight.”

I breathe in through my nose and hold the air in my lungs for a few seconds before releasing it.

“Are there reporters here?” I ask the room.

Mel nods, looking about as happy as I feel about it, which is to say not at all.

“The security team is here, and Micky’s out the front with the cops at the gate. He said to let him know when you were ready to go to the hospital and he’d clear the way.”

“Bloody vultures, the lot of them. They need to piss off and find some real news to report on.” Mum says. She doesn’t turn around from where she stands at the sink, nor does she take her eyes off the potatoes she’s currently peeling to within an inch of their lives.

I love her so bloody much.

I clear my throat. “Is there any news on Whitney’s condition?”

“She remains stable and had a comfortable night,” Aaron informs me.

I nod and continue as if I have zero fucks to give. “I’ll give Lennon a ring in a bit, but I don’t wanna talk to Jerry right now. Anything else?”

Aaron nods slowly and takes a manila envelope from his briefcase. My gut joins my throat and chest in pulling tight. I know what it is, or more so what’s inside, and all of a sudden, the little girl in my arms becomes heavier. I pull her in closer, and hold her tighter to my chest. Her fist wraps around my thumb, and I kiss the back of her hand. The love I feel for this little girl willnotbe broken. It can’t be taken away, no matter what those fucking results say.

“You want to do this here?” he asks, his hands trembling.

I don’twantto do it at all.

“I’ve not said anything to her yet,” I say, gesturing to Mum, knowing full well she’s taking in every word even if she’s pretending she’s not. “I’ll just explain once I know the outcome.”

“These literally arrived five minutes before you came down the stairs. I’ve not even looked at them myself yet.”

With one hand cupping Layla’s bum, and the other splayed across her back, my thumb brushes the soft, dark hair at the base of her head. I feel thethud,thud,thud, of her little heart against my chest.

Did the cells that went into creating that heart come from Gardener or from me?

Pressing my nose into her hair, I breathe her in and hold on to that breath, her scent. I trap it inside, absorb it into my marrow, and attempt with everything I have in me to stop my lips from trembling.

My knee bounces beneath the table.

Aaron pulls a single sheet of paper from the envelope and studies it.