Page 36 of All the Forbidden Things

I feel paralysed by the anger that engulfs me, and I struggle to breathe through my tears. Callum pulls away and looks down into my face as I fight for my breath, fight to stave off the anxiety attack stealing one more thing from me.

He whispers my name and murmurs instructions for me to breathe through my nose. I know what I should be doing, I’ve done it before, many times. Except, this time, it’s not working.

Cal places a mask over my face and presses the emergency call button. My head starts to spin and dots dance in front of my eyes as alarms sound around me. My head feels as if it’s about to explode, and then slowly, it doesn’t. The panic subsides, and it’s as if I’m being dragged out into the calmest of oceans while floating on a tide of feathers.

The next time I openmy eyes, Kenzie is sitting where my brother had been, her arms are folded across her chest and her perfect brows are pulled down into a frown as she stares at me. I slide my eyes to the sofa against the wall at the end of my bed and find Cal staring at me too, his knuckle pressed to his lip. Mel is curled up next to him, her head in his lap as she sleeps.

Cal lets out a long breath, and I can see the tension leave his body as his shoulders relax.

“Way to go to win some attention, bish,” Kenzie says as she gets up and moves to sit on my bed. “Shift over, my arse is going numb in that chair.”

I laugh. I’m still feeling a little bit out of it, and for some reason, Kenzie’s comment makes me laugh.

“That’s because it’s so bony, you skinny ho,” I slur, and this time she laughs.

“Well, we’ve not all been blessed by the booty gods and born with extra padding.” She makes herself comfortable beside me. “Now, give me a cuddle and tell Auntie Kenz all about it.”

“My bums fat,” I tell her.

“You have a great bum.”

“My ribs are broken. You have to be careful,” I whisper. I don’t know I whisper, but that’s what I do.

Kenzie sits up a little straighter, slides one arm around my back, one across my front, and I move so my head rests on her chest.

I take a deep breath in of her Jo Malone perfume and relax into the familiarity of being surrounded by family.

“I’m so sorry this has happened, Bill.”

“Me too, but at least it’s brought all of you to see me.”

“Well, if you missed us, there’s always FaceTime. I’m sure it’d be a lot less painful and traumatic . . . but then, you always were a bit of a drama llama.”

“Fuck off making me laugh, it hurts,” I order.

Cal stands and walks to the opposite side of the bed where Kenzie was just sitting. The room I’m in now is different from the one where I fell asleep last night, this one’s more like a hotel suite than a hospital room. I’m assuming Cal arranged the upgrade and they then moved me once the drugs had knocked me out.

“What happened earlier?” I ask Cal as he reaches for my hand.

“What happened is that you scared the fucking life out of me—”

“And me,” Makenzie adds.

“Me too,” Mel chimes in from where she’s now sitting up on the sofa.

“Is that the medical name for it?” I ask, laughing again because I’m so funny.

Cal huffs and shakes his head. “You had a panic attack and they sedated you. I’ve spoken to your doctor, and he said it was normal. They were kind of expecting it.”

“Wow, I have a doctor? All to myself?”

Kenz screws up her nose and shakes her head. “Don’t get too excited, this is real life. You got a McFugly, not a Dreamy or Steamy.”

I shrug, “makes no difference to me, not a fan of any of them right now.”

I turn and look at my brother, “except you. I’ll always love you.”

My nose tingles. I really don’t want to cry, so I grin while my drug-fucked brain attempts to find something funny to say.