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Chapter Nineteen

Eva

I’m beginning to question what the hell I see in a man who wakes me up at the arse crack of dawn and thinks running , is a good thing to do. If it wasn’t for the fact I’ve basically checked out his arse for the past three miles, watching his leg muscles and the ones on his back pull against his t-shirt, I’d have stopped by now.

Waking up to two orgasms and having Luke again in such an intimate way, was euphoric. He is a sex god. A sex god who spanked me like a naughty girl. A bad, naughty girl who needed to be taught a lesson.

Shit. I can hear myself. Can hear what a slut I’ve turned in to. Am I a slut if I want one man, though? Surely not. Whatever the rules in today’s society, one thing’s for sure, I am a slut for him. He’s totally side-swiped me and knocked me head over heels for him. I’m pretty sure I’d do anything he asked me to in the bedroom.

I feel safe there with him.

I feel safe everywhere with him.

It’s like he’s come back, wrapped his arms around me and ensured I’m his priority. Anyone would be lying if they said that was something they didn’t want.

What I don’t want, is the side of him I still can’t actually believe is real, to take him away from me, or force me to walk away from him. It’s a no-brainer there’s more to know about him, but with Luke, I feel like I need to go slow. Peel back one layer at a time.

Not get hung up that I said I love him and he didn’t say it back. I could overthink it and obsess about the fact I put myself out there again, and again got left hung out to dry. Or I can not think about me, and think about how the man in front of me, making me feel hot for different reasons, is clearly working through some stuff.

He feels comfortable with me. I am the one he wants to be with. I need to let him go at his pace and when he’s ready, be there for him.

All I can suddenly think about are his words and the way in which he clearly enjoys being the protector. The carer. The man he wanted to prove he’s always been. He is everything he says he is and more. But has he always been in that role? I wonder if anyone has ever cared for him?

“Stop.” Heaving, my hands hit my knees. “I quit.” I feel like I’m going to pass out.

Luke turns and runs back to me. “What’s up?”

“My lungs, Luke. That’s what. They’re on fire.”

He laughs, and I double take, feeling my head spin.

“Sorry.”

After sucking in some air, I manage to stand straight. “I feel like a dishevelled donkey following a dangling carrot.”

He laughs again but I don’t see what’s funny. “You’re a beautiful donkey.” He kisses my sweaty head, and I feel like a petulant child crossing my arms when he turns and bends his legs.

“Let me be the donkey for a bit. Hop on.”

“But I didn’t catch you. You stopped.” I’m not sure why I’m arguing with him. I can’t run anymore. “You can’t just bend the rules for me.”

“I would break all the rules for you, Eva. The sooner you accept that, the easier our relationship will be.” I climb on his back, and Luke stands to full height, his hands holding me steadily underneath my legs. He starts walking, sniffing through his nose and taking a few deep breaths .

Meanwhile, I’m smiling at his use of the word relationship. Three miles is just a warmup for him. He’s barely broken a sweat whilst I’m starting to stick to him. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure, Little Warrior.”

I chuckle to myself. “I don’t think that name fits.”

Looking over his shoulder quickly, he meets my gaze. “You’ve been my warrior since the night I took you to hospital.”

My smile quickly fizzles out. “Warrior implies I’m strong. I don’t think I am.”

“I disagree. To care like you do for others doesn’t come easily to some. Takes a fuck load of grit to have worked two jobs, care for a child and have a sick dad to think about.” Luke’s arms tighten slightly. “How is he by the way?”

There’s a tonne to unravel in everything he just said. On a sigh, I explain, “I shut the shop because I couldn’t do it. Maybe it was postnatal depression or life just messing with me, but it was too hard. Working every hour having to look after Liam and Ben got the better of me.”

Luke stops walking, visibly annoyed. He cranes his neck. “Ben’s an adult. It’s not your job to look after him.” His hostile voice matches the way his face has turned rigid and angry. “The prick needs a fucking wake-up call.” He takes a few more steps then stops again. “I’m sorry.”

I rest my chin on his shoulder. “Don’t worry. He’s a knob. He’s only around because of Liam.”

He sighs. “That’s why I’m sorry.”

Lifting my head, he can’t be apologising for Liam? Liam is my everything.

“It should have been me.”

Just as I go to reprimand him, my mouth snaps closed. “What?”

His nostrils flare, but he composes himself. “It should have been me. I should be Liam’s father. Not him.” A wet fog begins blurring my vision. Looking down at him, he’s deadly serious. “If I hadn’t left, you’d have slept with me. You wouldn’t have found comfort with him. It’s my fault I pushed you to him, and for that, I’m truly sorry.”

Tears spill over my lashes as Luke shakes his head, his annoyance with himself, overwhelming.

“I,” the right words don’t come to me .

“You don’t have to say anything. All you need to know is, if I could take it back—running away how I did, I would.” He starts walking, his footsteps crunching the ground, dispelling the silence.

We stay like this until the scenery is changing and we’re making our way to the top of a hill. Luke sets me down once we’re there.

It’s breathtaking. The views across the landscape are unbelievable. There’s no one around. Nobody awake. No noise. No distraction. Nothing from the outside world. All there is, is me and him.

Standing behind me, Luke’s arms envelope me. He holds me tight, his chin resting on my shoulder. His warmth is comforting, his smell considering he’s ran, still manly and sweet. “Look over there.” He points, and my eyes follow.

Golden petals reach for the clear sky above. The beginning of the new day casts away the cloak of twilight which still begs to stick around. The warm colours painting above us begin to mix together. They blend, warming my soul, an immediate sense of calm blanketing me.

“I know you said you watched sunsets with your dad. Well, every day we were apart, I watched the sunrise. I knew no matter the distance, whatever you were doing, the sun was rising for you too. I told myself that we would enjoy these together one day.”

I hold his arms around me, resting my head against him. “It’s beautiful.”

We share a comforting silence before he asks again, “How is your dad?”

Unexplained and unexpected tears begin filling my eyes. I dodged this question already. “He’s okay,” I concede, the warmth from the rising sun beginning to kiss my cheeks. “He’s going to move into a home.”

Luke holds me a little tighter. “Is that a good thing?”

I smile a small smile. “For him it will be.”

“And for you?”

I swipe under my eye. “I don’t want to lose him.”

Luke comforts me as a barrage of emotions hit.

My eyes close, my head falls. It takes me a few minutes to gather myself, sniffing and wiping my damp eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologise to me, Eva. He’s your dad. ”

I look out to the rising sun; a light shake to my head. “I told Mum I would go with her to see the home, but once we do, that’s it. Everything will change.”

“You don’t know that,” he says lovingly.

“I do,” I reply, catching a tear with the tips of my fingers. “Doctors once promised he’d get better with treatment, and nothing worked. He just isn’t the man I remember.” I smile looking at the sun, remembering better days. “We watched the sunsets every weekend up until around the time I met you. Even Tiff and Jamie would come. They could see he was slipping.”

“What about your mum?”

I shrug. “She can’t look after him anymore.” I pull myself away from the warmth of Luke.

“What is it?”

He’ll tell me I’m wrong, but I know I was close to giving them a better life. “I should never have closed the shop. If I hadn’t, I don’t know, maybe things would be different now. Maybe I could have paid for better treatment. I ruined it. It’s all my fault.”

I’m immediately pulled back into his hold. “No. No way that’s all on you. Dementia is cruel, Eva.”

“I know, but if I could have got the art therapy up and running, he would have been happier. I would have been able to afford better treatment, or Mum could have had better facilities to care for him. His dementia just got worse. There’s no coming back from it.”

“No. That’s still not on you. Who says he can’t still have the best care now?”

“Doctors. Medical professionals. They said it’s time to stop the medication altogether. He’s so much worse, there’s no point anymore.”

“Please don’t take this any other way than it’s intended. From what I’ve read, your dad has lived a lot longer than most considering the illness he has. If these are his final years or even months, surely you want to make the most of them? Make him as comfortable as you can?”

The fact he’s looked into this makes me feel weak with gratitude. I know what Luke’s saying is right. I just hate hearing it. And I know I’m not strong enough to watch Dad completely forget us all.

“I can come with you. ”

Turning my head, I face Luke. Sure-fire eyes hold my unsteady ones.

“If you need me, I mean. I can come with you. Check the place out.”

I laugh as tears drip down my face. “You’re not serious?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because my Mum will be there.”

Luke looks at me like he’s lost, and I immediately stop laughing. “You are serious.”

“I know.”

“But… that would mean we’re… what would we say?”

Pulling me closer, Luke kisses the side of my head, beaming a wide, happy smile. “Considering we’re both adults in our thirties, we don’t have to say anything.” He cups the side of my face, turning my head to kiss me on the lips. It’s soft and loving. Tender. “But if you want to label it, I’d say you’re my girl.”

My cheeks lift higher and higher. “Your girl? I like the sound of that.”

“Good.” He kisses me before he pulls back to study my face. His unwavering stare penetrates my outer shell, making me wonder what he’s thinking. He looks content. His face is relaxed, his own smile beginning to stretch on his face.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. Come on, let’s get you home.” He stands holding out his hand for me.

I take it, and he immediately swings me onto his back like he’s Action Man.

“Luke,” I laugh, gratefully wrapping my arms and legs around him.

My man.

Arriving back home, we’re oblivious to the world around us as I unlock the door—still on his back, leaning down and turning the key. I laugh as he swings me down around his body, closing the door shut with his foot.

“Take a shower with me before you have to collect Liam?”

I smile up at him, walking backwards, slipping off my trainers as our lips chastely hit against each other .

Luke removes my top as I lift my arms. “Shit!” Looking down at my feet, red begins staining the heel of my sock. “What the hell is that?” I hop, and Luke steadies me.

“Let me see.” He pulls on something sharp which is imbedded into my skin. “Glass,” he then says, holding it up.

“Glass? Shit, it stings.”

“You need to clean—” Luke takes a step back.

“Is there more?”

His head scans the kitchen space. “Yeah. Be careful.” He looks around again. “What the hell happened? Something must be broken.”

“The window,” I say grimly, my heart thumping in my ears when I see the broken glass pane. “Luke, the window’s broken.”

Luke flicks his gaze to me. “There’s this too.” He holds out a note, his face as white as a ghost. He refuses to look at me. I can see his jaw tensing.

The bitch isn’t safe

Reading it, my hand shakes, my skin turns ice-cold. “Liam,” is all I say on a lost breath, jumping up and immediately making my way to the door.

“Eva, wait!”

I look back at him. “I have to get Liam!” I frantically move towards the door, but Luke puts his body in front of it.

“Listen to me. I’ll send Adam.”

“Adam?” My voice falters. My legs turn to jelly. The rush of adrenaline takes over me.

“My brother can drive to where Liam is. Make sure he’s safe.”

Safe. The word nicks my core. “We can go now! It’ll be quicker.” I try to get past him but fail miserably.

“Eva!” he barks, his hands lifting to my arms. “Listen to me.” He waits until I manage to drag my eyes to his. “Whoever came here could be watching. They might follow us.” The harsh realisation slams into my chest, the rush of blood to my head making me dizzy. Luke catches me when I fall into his arms, his hands cradling my head and my back. “It’s okay. I won’t let anything happen to you. ”

My chest tightens. “It already has.”

Luke’s hold on me loosens, but doesn’t altogether drop. “Let me check the house and make a call. Then you can get what you need before we leave.” He lets me go and walks away, leaving me alone, rooted to my spot.

Once he’s finished, I’m dodging the glass and running to my bedroom. Grabbing my sweater, I search for my bag and make sure to get my phone. I make it back to Luke who’s on the phone to his brother, listening and nodding his head.

He looks to me as he opens the front door. “Where am I sending Adam?”

“Ben’s place.” I give him the address and we’re in Luke’s car in under five minutes. Neither of us talk. I keep my gaze fixed to the outside, sending up a million prayers that my baby’s okay.

Twenty minutes later, Luke takes a call. It connects to the Bluetooth system, the voice of his brother loud and clear for both of us to hear. “Adam.”

“Luke, it’s a red.”

The call ends immediately and Luke’s slamming on the brakes. He spins the car in one swift move, hitting the accelerator which sucks me back into my seat.

“Luke? What does he mean?” My heart is in my throat. My hands grip the leather, a horrible feeling of dread landing heavy on my shoulders.

His teeth are clenched. I can see angry lines tightening his face. “Code red, Eva.” His eyes subtly but urgently check my expression. “It means hospital.”

Hospital.

No. Not my boy. Please God don’t let anything happen to my boy. How is this happening? Why is this happening?

Fear torments me as we drive at high speed in the early morning traffic. Arriving in double time, panic surges when the car’s brought to a hasty stop outside the front of the building. We fly out of the car, running as fast as we can to the reception desk.

A man scurries towards us, his face is grim. Bleak. This must be Adam.

“My son?” I whimper, begging him to tell me where my boy is.

“Adam, where’s the boy?”

Luke’s brother studies me apologetically, giving me a look that could shatter any mother’s hopes with one swipe. “Emergency department. ”

I don’t need to hear any more. My feet drill into the ground until we come skidding to a stop at the door to the ward. Luke’s hand is on my back as he opens it for me with the other.

“A word, Luke,” Adam says, making me look back at him just as we’re about to go inside.

Luke’s brows knit, and he looks between the two of us quickly. I silently beg him to come with me. I need to get inside right now. “It can wait.”

Adam nods his head understandingly, and together we go in search of my son, stopping at the desk and asking for him.

“He’s in bay three,” the lady tells me with a quick look to Luke standing by my side. “What relation are you to the patient?” Her eyes drag up and down his torso. I haven’t got time for this.

I turn to move having heard where Liam is at the same time she darts from her seat, momentarily catching my attention.

“She’s his mother,” Luke snaps, his eyes never leaving hers.

“The father is already in the room. Only one of you can go through.”

Luke sighs heavily. “I’ll be straight out once I know she finds him.”

“Sir—”

Neither of us stick around to hear what she’s got to say, and I’m grateful for Luke’s guiding hand placed on the back of my neck. He’s here.

Opening the door with an urgent push, the first thing that comes into view is my son lying on the hospital bed. A clear mask is covering his nose and mouth, the straps too tight on his little cherry-red face. “Liam.” I rush towards him, stopping by his bedside. “Liam, Mummy’s here. Mummy’s here. You’re going to be okay. We’re here, baby. We’re here.”

Luke steps into my line of vision on the other side of the bed.

“What the fuck is he doing here?”

I swing my head as Ben stands from the chair in the room. “Are you okay?” I turn to face him properly, my eyes raking over him.

Ben scowls at Luke, and I grab his arm making sure he sees me. “Hey, look at me. What happened? Are you hurt?” My mind goes into overdrive. Someone must have had eyes on me and Ben. How else would they have known where he lives? “Talk to me. ”

“Did someone show up at yours?” Luke asks Ben, his voice demanding as he looks down at him. At well over six-foot, Luke commands authority over most people.

Ben suppresses the shakes overriding his body. He’s scared. “Uh, yeah. Someone was there,” he rattles out, his eyes eventually looking down at me, clearly wondering what the hell is going on here.

What have I done? This is all my fault. I’ve put Liam and Ben in danger all because of my relationship with Luke.