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“What was that? Whose phone was that?” he demands.
My blood suddenly runs cold, until I take a moment to think about this. I shouldn’t be so afraid or nervous for Hardin to know Zed’s here. I didn’t do anything wrong; he came, and he’s leaving. He already gets irritated when Trevor comes by my office, and Trevor’s a coworker and entitled to stop in anytime he wants.
“Is fucking Trevor there?”
“No, it’s not Trevor. Zed’s here,” I say and hold my breath.
The line is silent. I look at the screen to make sure the call is still connected. “Hardin?”
“Yeah,” he says and lets out a ragged breath.
“Did you hear me?”
“Yes, Tessa, I heard you.”
Okay? Why isn’t he screaming through the phone or threatening to kill him yet?
“We’ll talk about it later. Make him leave. Please,” he calmly requests.
“Okay . . .”
“Thank you, I’ll see you when you get home,” Hardin says and hangs up the phone.
When I put my phone down, slightly bewildered, Zed turns to me and says, “Sorry, I know he’s going to freak out on you.”
“No, he won’t. He’ll be fine,” I say back, knowing it’s not true, but it sounds good, anyway. Hardin’s reaction to Zed being in my office caught me off guard. I’d never have expected him to be so calm. I expected him to say he was on his way here. I sure hope he’s not.
Zed walks toward the door again. “Okay. Well, I guess I should go.”
“Zed, thank you for coming by. I probably won’t see you again before I leave.”
He turns, and emotion flashes in his eyes, but it disappears before I can decide which emotion it was. “I won’t say meeting you hasn’t complicated my life, but I wouldn’t take it back. I’d go through all of this shit again—the fights with Hardin, the friendships I’ve lost, all of it. I would go through it again, for you,” he says. “I guess it’s just my luck; of course I can’t meet a girl who doesn’t already love someone else.”
His words always get to me, always. He’s so sincere all the time, and I admire that about him.
“Bye, Tessa,” he says.
His words hold much more than a simple friendly goodbye, but I can’t project too much into them. If I say the wrong thing, or anything at all, I’ll only be leading him on, again.
“Bye, Zed.” I half smile, and he takes a step toward me.
For a moment I panic, thinking he’s going to kiss me, but he doesn’t. He wraps his arms around me in a strong but brief hug before placing a light kiss on my forehead. He steps away immediately after and grabs hold of the door handle, almost like it’s a cane.
“Be careful, okay?” he says, opening the door.
“I will. Seattle isn’t too bad.” I smile. I feel very resolved now, like I have finally given him the closure he needed.
He frowns and turns to leave the room. As he closes the door behind him, I hear him say gently, “I’m not talking about Seattle.”
Chapter nineteen
TESSA
As soon as the door shuts and Zed is gone—gone for good—I close my eyes and lay my head back against the chair. I don’t know what I’m feeling. All of my emotions are jumbled, swirling around me in a cloud of confusion. Part of me feels relieved to end this back-and-forth between Zed and me. But another, smaller part feels a significant loss. Zed is the only one of Hardin’s so-called friends who’s been there for me constantly, and it’s strange to realize that I’ll never see him again. The tears burn, unwelcomed, down my cheeks as I try to collect myself. I shouldn’t be crying over this. I should be happy that I can finally close the book on Zed, tuck it away, leaving it only to collect dust, never to be opened again.
It’s not that I want to be with him, it’s not that I love him, it’s not that I would ever choose him over Hardin; it’s just that I do care for him, and I wish things had played out differently. I wish I would have kept our relationship strictly platonic—maybe then I wouldn’t have to completely cut him out of my life.
I don’t know why he came back in here, but I’m glad he left before he could say anything to confuse me or hurt Hardin further.
My office phone rings, and I clear my throat before answering. When I say “Hello,” I sound pathetic.
Hardin’s voice carries through strong and clear. “Did he leave?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you crying?”
“I’m just . . .” I start.
“What?” he implores.
“I don’t know, I’m just glad it’s over.” I wipe at my eyes again.
He sighs through the line and surprises me by simply saying, “Me, too.”
The tears are no longer falling, but my voice is hideous. “Thank you”—I pause—“for being understanding about this.”
That went much better than I’d expected, and I don’t know if I should be relieved or slightly worried. I decide to go with relieved and finish the last of my time at Vance as peacefully as possible.
Around three, Kimberly stops by my office; behind her is a girl who I’m sure I’ve never seen at the office before.
“Tessa, this is Amy, my replacement,” Kimberly says, introducing the quiet yet stunning girl.
I get up from where I’m reading, trying to reassure Amy with a friendly smile. “Hi, Amy. I’m Tessa. You’ll love it here.”
“Thank you! I already love it,” she says excitedly.