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“Don’t worry about our game this afternoon. Just have fun tonight. I’ll see you at training tomorrow. Let’s make it ten instead of eight, okay? Gives us both a bit of a sleep in.”

I nodded, not having any words to say to him. He drove away before I had closed the main door of the apartment building behind me. I stood just inside the door trying to catch my breath.

“Have you been away from home more this year, or is it just me?” Brad asked.

I took a sip of my wine and leaned back against the aqua coloured leather lounge. “No, it’s pretty much been the same,” I replied, staring out over the waves .

Brad and I had arrived early, so just the two of us could have a drink before Amanda and Thomas joined us.

Brad leaned back next to me. “It just feels like you’ve been away more, that’s all,” he sighed and took another mouthful of his beer. “You and Joel seem to be spending a lot of time together lately.”

I fiddled with the stem of my wine glass, ordering my stupid heart to stop fluttering. “He’s my coach, of course I’m going to spend a lot of time with him; I work with him. That’s all it is.”

I heard the lie in my voice. I hoped that Brad didn’t. I couldn’t talk to him about what had almost happened in Rome … and again in Paris … and again today. Brad, one of the few people I could usually tell anything and everything, was not someone I could confide in about Joel.

“So, you’ve been getting into a lot of finals lately,” Brad commented.

I sighed in relief that he’d decided to drop the whole Joel subject. “Yeah, I know. It’d just be good if I could actually win one. I was so close in Paris – Abigail Petersen’s not a fan of the clay. I thought I had her, but I got a bit too overconfident.”

I paused to take a breath. “You know what? We always talk about me, what’s going on in your life?” I smiled winningly at him. It would be so good not to talk tennis … or Joel for a little while.

Brad grinned at me. “Just the usual. Uni, clinical placement at Frankwright paediatric oncology … missing you.”

I swallowed nervously, choosing to ignore his last statement. “Oncology, wow, really? Wouldn’t that be kind of … I don’t know … depressing?” I thought about little Natalie, and the courtyard full of bald kids with not enough meat on their bones.

Brad shrugged. “Only if you let it be – I prefer to think about the positives. I could help make a difference to kids who might not have much of a chance otherwise.”

“Hey, do you know a girl called Natalie up there?” I asked.

Brad smiled. “Oh, yeah, she’s a cutie, that one. A real battler. She’s got a very rare form of leukaemia, and it’s quite aggressive, but she never complains or gets upset about all the treatments she needs. Isn’t she the one that you went to visit that day? ”

I nodded.

“Well, she’s definitely a massive fan of yours – she has your autograph framed beside her bed, and pictures of you in a little folder.”

“How’s she doing?” I asked.

“She’s not one of my patients … and I can’t really disclose … but she’s midway through another chemo round.”

Another one. My eyes prickled at the thought of that brave little girl idolising someone like me. I didn’t deserve her devotion. There were people out there in the world who were far more deserving than me – people who were making a difference to society. People like Brad.

“I think what you’re doing is noble.” I patted him on the knee. He put his hand on top of mine, capturing it and holding it on his thigh. He grinned, his slightly crooked teeth gleaming.

“I really do miss you, Mel, when you’re gone,” he murmured.

I smiled uncomfortably. “I miss you too, Brad.” I just wasn’t sure I meant it in exactly the same way he did.

“Well, fancy seeing you two here!” a voice from above my head spoke. I knew instantly who it was. I tried to take my hand off Brad’s leg, but he tightened his grip on it. I didn’t want to embarrass us both by wrenching it away, so I let him have his way.

“Joel, how are you? Who’s your friend?” Brad asked, his fingers caressing the back of my hand.

Joel smiled brightly down at both of us. Beside him, Julie looked as awkward as I felt. Joel had his arm around her. She wouldn’t meet my eyes. What was she doing here?

“Julie, this is Brad, a friend of Mel’s.” I could feel Joel’s eyes on me as he said it. “I thought tonight was supposed to be a double date, Stinky?”

“Oh, it is,” I assured him, narrowing my eyes at his smirking face. “Amanda and Thomas are meeting us a bit later.”

“Well, since you’ve snagged a table for four, mind if we sit with you guys until your friends get here? It’s crazy busy tonight.” Joel didn’t wait for either of us to respond, plonking himself down beside me, putting an arm up on the back of the lounge behind me. Brad gripped my hand harder.

I leaned out past Joel and turned to Julie. I would try and be polite, even though her presence was sending pangs of some strong emotion through me.

“So, Julie, what are you doing in Sydney?” I asked pointedly.

“Oh, I’ve moved here,” Julie said, tossing her long red curls over her shoulder. “Didn’t Joel tell you? I’ve been up here for a few months now.”

I leaned back and caught Joel’s eye. “No, he didn’t tell me that.”

Joel shrugged sheepishly. I distinctly remembered him telling me that he wasn’t with Julie, because she was in Melbourne. I tried to convey through my eyes that I was not happy about being lied to.

“Julie’s coming to Princes of Lion with me tonight,” he announced.

Brad’s eyes widened. “How did you snag tickets for that? I heard it was sold out within minutes.”

“Oh, I was on the VIP pre-sale. I never miss a Princes of Lion concert … do I, Mel?”

I threw him my dirtiest look and he grinned. Why couldn’t I shake his cocky exterior, just once? I finished off my wine and stood.

“Brad, let’s head back to my place, where we can have a bit of privacy.” I looked pointedly at Joel then – let him think what he wanted about that.

“But … what about Amanda and Thomas?” Brad asked, confused. I kept my eyes on Joel, who smiled serenely at me, his arm around Julie, who was looking from him to me, her eyebrows furrowed.

“It’s really only you I wanted to spend time with tonight,” I snarled. Brad stood hurriedly, chewing on his lip.

“Enjoy, kids,” Joel said. I scowled at him and turned jerkily to leave. Brad followed hastily, a little flustered.

“You too,” I replied icily, wrapping my arm around Brad’s waist and dragging him through the crowd.

“Mel!” Amanda called out. I stifled a groan. I just wanted to get out of there. I could still feel Joel’s eyes on us .

“Hey guys,” I mumbled as Amanda and Thomas weaved their way through the crowd towards us.

“Do we have a table? I thought you booked?” Amanda asked.

“We did. Mel wants to go home though,” Brad explained, his voice tight.

“I have a headache,” I lied, although there was a tightness at the base of my skull that could easily turn into one.

“Oh, that’s a shame. Are you sure you couldn’t just stay for even half an hour? I have some paracetamol here somewhere.” Amanda rummaged through her purse.

Thomas stilled her hand. “If Mel’s feeling unwell, we really should let her go home, babe. She’s got a huge tournament coming up, she needs to look after her health.”

I smiled gratefully at him, and he gave me a little nod.

“You guys could always go and hang out with Joel and his date,” I suggested, failing utterly to keep bitterness from my tone. Brad’s arm around my shoulders tightened.

Amanda grabbed me into an awkward one-armed hug, and Thomas patted me on the shoulder as they headed towards the bar.

Back in Brad’s car, he turned to me, a serious look on his face. “You were kind of rude to Amanda and Thomas.”

I shrugged, sinking further into the seat.

“I also don’t appreciate being used as a pawn in your little game with Joel.”

I glared at him. “Uh, excuse me, but I’m not the one playing games here! What was the go with you making sure he saw my hand on your leg?”

Brad shook his head. “Well, what’s the go with you making up excuses for us to leave? And then winding yourself around me to walk out?”

“I, well, I uh … I hate walking in heels.”

Brad smiled humourlessly. “Listen, I’ll take you home, but I’m not coming in tonight. Whatever is going on between you and Joel, I hope you get over it soon.”

The fury bubbled over. “ Nothing is going on between Joel and me!” I shrieked .

Brad started the engine, lips pursed. “So, you can tell me without a word of a lie that seeing him there tonight with that redhead didn’t make you feel anything?”

“Nothing,” I lied. Brad snorted disbelievingly.

I sat in stony silence for the short trip back from Bondi to Vaucluse. Brad pulled up out the front of my apartment building and cut the engine.

“Listen, Mel, I don’t want to fight with you.”

“Goodnight, Brad,” I said tersely.

I moved to open the door, but he grabbed my arm, turning me back towards him, pulling me close, covering my lips with his. I gasped in shock, his tongue slipping through the gap, stroking gently against mine.

Suddenly, all the frustrated, confused, swirly feelings in my stomach overtook me and I gripped his neck, my tongue caressing his. A sound from deep in Brad’s throat vibrated through our joined mouths.

Nope. This is a bad idea.

I broke away. Brad and I stared at each other in shock.

I turned and practically leapt out of the car. Even once I’d made it safely into my apartment, I could see his car idling outside through my bedroom window for long moments before he finally drove away.

I kicked off my shoes and stalked into the kitchen in search of more alcohol.

My phone rang after I’d downed three more glasses of wine. I fumbled for it.

“Why are you calling me, Joel? To gloat about how much fun you’re having at Princes of Lion?” I slurred.

There was a pause. It was too quiet. It couldn’t be later than ten-thirty – the concert would still be in full swing, but I couldn’t hear any noise on the other end of the phone.

“Joel? Are you there?” I asked .

He cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’m here. And no, I’m not at the concert.”

“Why not? Where’s Julie ?”

“It doesn’t matter. Listen, I just had a call from Natalie’s dad.”

“Oh, okay.”

The silence stretched. I tried to focus through the fog of wine.

“What happened, Joel?”

“Natalie lost her fight. The funeral’s tomorrow. Her dad thought you might have wanted to be there.”

The tipsiness leeched straight out of me.

“Of course I want to go.” My shoulders slumped and I rubbed at my forehead. “That’s just awful. Poor little Natalie.”

Joel cleared his throat again. It sounded like he was trying not to cry. “Yeah, it’s fucking horrible. Funeral’s at ten. You want me to pick you up?”

“Please. I’ll see you then.”

“Are you … are you alone?” he asked and the agony in his tone was lightning through my chest.

“I’m home … alone.”

“Will you be okay?”

My vision blurred. “I … I think so. I’ll see you tomorrow, Joel.”

I hung up the phone before he could hear me start to sob. Because if that happened, he’d want to come over. And if he came over nothing good would come of it.