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CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Nothing Good

“ S o, the cops have Tweeted a confirmation that Grant was stabbed inside his apartment,” Joel said, looking up from his phone as I finished my warm-up stretches to one side of the court.

It was two days since Ben’s funeral – since tennisfanboi’s Tweet about Grant that still had my stomach tied up in knots.

And only a week until we flew out for Wimbledon.

I was training extra hours at the moment to make sure I was ready.

This morning I was doing drills and weights, then taking a swim.

After lunch I would play a game with Joel, and he would push me to my limits.

“You seem very interested in this information, for someone who told me the other day that I was completely overreacting when I thought that maybe this thing with Grant was related to Ben and to … to your dad.”

“We’ve been over this, Mel. The world doesn’t revolve around you,” he reminded me with a little smile. They were the same words he had used in the car the first time I’d brought this worry up with him, after he got over the initial shock of my sudden suspicion.

But his words had done nothing to alleviate my concern. What if they – Steve and Ben – had died because of me, somehow? What if Grant had been almost killed because of me?

“Okay, but just hear me out,” I said, walking over to where he had my drills set out. “The night that Steve … well, you know that he and I weren’t on good terms.” I swallowed around the knot in my throat.

“Stink, we went through this the other day. And the night Grant got stabbed, you had a breakdown in a bar because you saw his fiancée out on her hen’s night – big deal.”

“But Ben and I had a huge fight, and then …” I swallowed again, willing the prickling out of my eyes. I swiped a stray tear away. I didn’t need all of this stress, with the biggest tournament of the year a week away.

Joel stepped closer, taking my shoulders in his big, warm hands, piercing me with those blue eyes. “Mel, how would anyone know that you had issues with all of them, and then somehow act on it almost immediately? It’s not related, It’s just a very weird coincidence.”

Everything he said made sense, but still I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was all linked to me.

“Brad knew – he was there every single time,” I muttered.

Joel snorted. “You think Lover Boy did all of this? He couldn’t hurt a fly!”

He was right. Brad was studying to be a paediatrician for crying out loud! He wasn’t going around murdering men in cold blood because they hurt my feelings.

I started my drills, trying to wipe my head clean of all the things that were still battering against the insides of my skull.

It helped … a bit. But I was still preoccupied as we finished up on drills and moved into the gym for weights training.

Joel watched me guardedly. “You’re dwelling, Stink.”

I eyed him crossly. “Of course I am! I love a good dwell, don’t you?”

Joel snickered, but his eyes were serious. “Mel, there are things that you don’t know – things about Dad and Ben – that could be related to what happened.”

“Like what?” I asked, intrigued.

Joel shook his head. “Believe me, you’re better off not knowing.”

“Do the police know about it?” I pestered .

Joel paused for a long while, then nodded very slightly. “I’ve told them the important parts,” he muttered.

“Is it bad?” I asked. He didn’t respond, staring away at nothing in particular. I sighed and that seemed to snap him out of it. He smiled brightly at me, falsely.

“Got any plans tonight, Stink?” he asked, changing the subject.

“Yes, actually, I’m having dinner with Brad, and Amanda and Thomas.”

“A double date with Lover Boy! That should be a pleasant evening for you,” Joel said. He turned to add some plates to the squat rack, but I caught the slight downward twist of his mouth.

I pursed my lips. Brad had called it a date too. I hadn’t forgotten that he’d kissed me, or that he had told me he wanted more. Was that what tonight was? Us trying for more?

“Maybe,” I muttered.

“It’s a pity, though. I was going to see if you wanted to come and see Princes of Lion with me – they’re playing in town tonight and I have two tickets.”

I stopped in my tracks and gaped at him. Princes of Lion tickets were almost impossible to come by, and every time they’d been playing in Australia, I’d been overseas at a tournament.

It was tempting … very tempting.

But as soon as I thought about Princes of Lion now, all I could see was a girl with her skirt riding up, legs wrapped around Joel. I shuddered at the thought.

“Thanks for thinking of me, Joel, but I just have this visual of you fucking in the mosh pit now, and that’s all I can see when I hear any of their songs.”

Joel moved closer, a cheeky grin on his face and a glint in his eyes.

“Well, Stink, if you come with me, I could give you something else to think about when you’re listening to them.”

I couldn’t exhale – he was standing so close that I could feel the heat from his body radiating out towards me. It was like a magnet, drawing me closer .

“I can’t cancel on my friends,” I said hurriedly, turning away to the squat rack.

Joel shrugged. “No worries. I’m sure I can find someone else who wants to go with me. I just wanted to give you first option.”

I couldn’t help myself. “If only you knew who it was last time – I’m sure she’d just love and encore performance!”

Joel chuckled. “Don’t be jealous, Stink. You have a chance to be ‘moshing’ with me at Princes of Lion, and you’d rather have dinner with Lover Boy.”

I stopped and whirled towards him.

“Let’s just get one thing straight here, mate! I’m not the type of girl who fucks random guys in the mosh pit at a concert. I’ve got a bit more class than that. And if that’s what you were hoping would happen between us tonight, then you would have been very disappointed!”

Joel put his hands up in surrender. “I’m hardly a ‘random guy’.”

I glared at him icily, working through my weights in silence, Joel hovering to spot me as usual. He seemed to sense that I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him.

Our lap swimming continued in much the same fashion. As I showered, Joel made us some lunch. It had become our training routine.

“Hey, Stinky,” Joel began as we finished up our lunch, trailing his finger along the edge of the table. I waited for him to continue.

“Sorry, Mel. You know I wouldn’t ever try to make a move on you like that.”

“It’s okay,” I replied awkwardly when I found my voice. Why did it cut me that he wouldn’t have even tried ? I mean, I would absolutely have told him where to go … wouldn’t I?

“So, are you and Brad dating now?” he asked.

“No. Well, not really,” I replied. He looked up at me then and his eyes were enquiring.

“Not really?” he persisted.

I shrugged. “I just … he’s always so … I don’t know how to explain it, but lately … can you tell I’m really confused about the whole thing? ”

Joel smiled, a genuine, beautiful, white toothed smile. My knees trembled under the table.

“It’s a big decision. You go down that path, you can’t ever go back to the friendship you had. But if you really like him, you should go for it. He’s a decent guy. You could definitely do worse.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “Well, thanks for your permission, coach!”

He hissed out a laugh and put his elbows on the table, leaning towards me. “You know you don’t need my permission, Mel,” he murmured, his face suddenly serious. I found myself leaning towards him, until our noses almost touched.

“I never thought I did,” I replied in a whisper. Oh God, his eyes! I forced my gaze to drop, only to stare at his lips, getting closer and closer to mine, so full and pink. As I stared, his mouth curved up in a smirk.

“You know, Stink, you can deny it all you like, but it’s only a matter of time before you give in and beg me.”

“Beg you for what?” I breathed against his mouth.

“For this …” His lips touched the corner of my mouth.

I leapt out of my chair so fast that it fell backwards.

“No! I’m never going to let that happen, Joel Herbert. I promise you. Never!”

I raced off the deck and up the stairs to the front door, heart battering against my chest. I couldn’t be in the same house as him another second.

His footsteps approached. As I turned the handle on the front door, he was behind me, his hand on it so I couldn’t open it. I turned and he was leaning over me, his palms pressed against the door on either side of my face.

“It’s not happening,” I muttered unconvincingly.

“What’s not happening?” he whispered against the side of my face.

I let out a shuddering breath and my hands took on a life of their own, reaching up to rest against his hips. He moved until his leg was pressing between mine.

Another shaky breath and my fingers burrowed under the bottom of his t-shirt. His skin rippled under my touch and he brought his hands down to cup my face, tilting my head back until I was gazing into the depths of his eyes. Until his mouth was very, very close to mine.

“Joel, I can’t do this,” I pleaded with him, turning my head away.

“Can’t do what?” he asked.

“I can’t do this with you.” The words were barely more than a breath; that was all the strength I could give to them.

“We’re not doing anything, Mel,” he replied, even as his hips pressed against mine. Had I pulled him closer?

I tore my hands off his body. “I’m not. I can’t.”

He released me and I opened the door and escaped. My legs were jelly beneath me. Before I was even to the gate he was behind me again, his hand on my arm, holding me back.

“Let me drive you home.” He sounded so reasonable that I felt the fight go out of me. I trudged back to his car.

It was a silent trip to my house. Maybe Joel realised that he’d overstepped a boundary today. A boundary that I was clearly incapable of keeping defined.

As I got out of the car, he spoke.