Page 13 of Accidentally Falling For My Best Friend (Chicago Awakenings #2)

Her comment also reminds me how truly fucked up this whole situation is.

Not only am I harder than I think I’ve ever been from the hottest kiss of my life, a kiss with my male best friend of all people, but that kiss was also in front of his girlfriend and my fake girlfriend after I insisted that I’ve never been attracted to Oakley .

Fuck.

“Really fun,” Aspen agrees, smirking at me knowingly.

I look over at Oakley and find him staring at me with a sort of dazed expression. Maybe we drank more than I realized? But looking around the table, I confirm that our glasses are almost full, so I don’t think he’s had more than a glass or two of wine over the last several hours.

“Are you okay?” I ask quietly, internally panicking that he’s re-evaluating our entire friendship after he felt my erection grinding into him.

Oakley blinks a few times, like he’s trying to come back into focus and lets out a small laugh. “Why wouldn’t I be okay? Like Sage said, no big deal. Right?”

My still very hard dick is protesting that statement, but if our kiss wasn’t as earth-shattering for Oak as it was for me, I’m not risking our friendship over disagreeing.

“Right. No big deal.” The lie tastes bitter, and something in my chest sinks as I try to ignore the guilt I feel over lying to him.

Oakley suddenly turns to Sage and grabs her hand. “I’m ready for bed, honey, are you?” he asks, already starting to move toward his room.

“Sure,” she says with a giggle, jumping out of her seat to keep up with him.

“You ready for bed too?” Aspen asks. “We can clean this all up in the morning,” she offers.

My mind is racing with thoughts and questions over what the fuck just happened.

But I’m still hard and I can’t concentrate enough on anything other than how horny I am, so I agree and follow Aspen into my room, excusing myself to shower before we inevitably fall into our routine of watching reality shows while I do sudoku or puzzles on my phone until we fall asleep on opposite ends of the bed.

As soon as I’ve removed my insulin pump and I’m naked under the warm spray, my hand is wrapped around my swollen cock, stroking, trying to focus on only the sensation and how good it feels like I normally would.

I add some of the lube I keep in the shower to my hand, trying to fight the memory of that fucking kiss, and focus on anything else, but there’s no use.

That was by far the single hottest moment of my life.

Am I gay? Have I really been so ignorant of my own attraction to not know that about myself by now?

I try to picture another man, an actor, or athlete that I’ve heard people refer to as attractive, but despite how desperate I was feeling moments ago, picturing other men has my cock flagging in my grip.

I try to think about my past hookups and relationships, about the women I’ve been attracted to before, but no one stands out.

Then the way Oakley’s lips felt against my own comes rushing to the forefront of my mind, and all I can focus on is the way he was so aggressive, almost teasing as he nipped and licked at my mouth before exploring with his tongue.

My cock is aching again, already leaking as the memories of that kiss consume me.

His fingers in my hair. His firm ass on my lap as I ground my erection into him.

What would it feel like to have less clothes between us?

A part of me is shocked by the thought. Before our kiss I would have never cared what Oakley was wearing, let alone wished for him to be naked.

But I’ve also never been as turned on as I am fantasizing about him.

I’m enjoying it way too much to be overly concerned about the details of what it all means. I can stress about that more later.

Pleasure overwhelms me, spreading from where it had been building deep in my gut throughout my whole body until I feel like I’m on fire with how turned on I am, burning from the inside as my dick jerks and my hand is coated in cum.

I’m panting under the warm water, one arm outstretched, leaning into the tiled wall for support as I struggle to stay standing.

Fuck.

I just jerked off to thoughts of my best friend. After sharing what was undoubtedly the hottest kiss of my life with him.

I have no idea what this means for us, or for me, but there is no denying now that I’m attracted to Oakley.

Even as I’m filled with guilt over what I just did, my cock twitches again at the thought of our kiss.

I’ve never been this horny in my life. Even in my teenage years when other guys seemed obsessed with the idea of having sex, I’ve always been sort of indifferent, content to take care of my urges myself.

I’m definitely not indifferent right now as I picture my best friend.

What the fuck is happening to me? Is this what it’s supposed to feel like when you’re attracted to someone?

How did I go this long without realizing that I’m into my best friend?

Have I been ignoring feelings that were there before tonight because of how insistent we’ve always been that we’re just friends when people make assumptions?

Or did that kiss awaken something inside of me that I wouldn’t have ever discovered if we’d never crossed that line?

Aspen must read the confusion in whatever expression I’m wearing as I leave the bathroom to get into bed. “Want to talk about it?” she offers.

“Nothing to talk about,” I respond firmly.

I don’t know what any of this means and I’m definitely not ready to talk about my reaction to the kiss or the thoughts that it inspired with anyone.

And even if I was, Oakley’s girlfriend’s best friend probably isn’t the ideal person to talk about it with.

Aspen might be able to relate to some of these emotions, but I don’t want her projecting her situation onto me any more than she already has.

This might have been a fluke that will blow over and I’ll forget all about it in a few weeks.

No need to have her thinking I’m in love with Oak because I enjoyed kissing him.

Or what if she felt obligated to tell Sage about what I’m feeling?

Oakley seems very happy dating her, and I would hate for something I said to Aspen to compromise his relationship.

Talking is definitely not a good idea. I’ll just continue to question everything I thought I knew about myself internally.

That’s way better.