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“Did you have ulterior motives when you invited me here?”

We're lying on the couch in the office after some delicious sex.

“Always.”

Earlier, he took me to an adjoining room with a dining table and also a bathroom. After we took a quick shower, still not putting on a fresh shirt, he pulled me into his arms.

“Since when do you make jokes?”

“Who said it's a joke? I had intended to have lunch with you earlier, but other than that, all other thoughts were downright lewd.”

“We are sex addicts.”

“No. We are addicted to each other.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“It depends.”

“On?”

“Whether you’re staying or not.”He finally returns to the subject that has been fermenting in my head for weeks.

“What do you want? I don't know if I understood your proposal correctly.”

He turns me around, making me straddle his lap. “Do you want the truth or a soft version of it?”

“The truth, always.”

“Marry me.”

I stare at him, shocked.

I know I asked for the truth, but I can't close my mouth, I'm so amazed.

Since my entire life has been a sham, spending these months being myself almost all the time has done wonders for my insecurity. I still wasn't ready for what he just said, though.

I stare at him, and I'm sure I’m still gaping. “We don't love each other.” I make the first excuse that comes to mind and watch his jaw twitch.

Deep down, I know I'm lying to myself all over again. Maybe what I feel is not yet that solid love that comes from living together for years, but I've known for some time that I'm in love with him.

“Is that so important? Loving each other, I mean.”

I don’t know what to answer.

Is it important that he loves me? Or can this mix of intense physical attraction with companionship, respect, and the way he seems to want me at his side all the time replace the fact that he's not in love with me?

What about the secrets that we keep from each other? How can we build a life together without absolute trust?

“I'm dyslexic,” I blurt out before I lose my nerve, and it's as if the pressure I've carried all my life is lifted from my chest.

I watch his face closely, looking for any expression of disgust or pity, but all I see is confusion.

“What?”

“I didn't know the name of this thing I have until recently. It was Zoe who explained it to me. I'm dyslexic,” I repeat. “She's made an appointment with a specialist for next week, when she comes to New York for the masquerade ball.”

“I don't mean to be insensitive, but what does this have to do with my proposal?”

“What do you mean? It has everything to do with it. You won't want to bond with someone who doesn't—” I almost blurt it all out, but shame stops me. “Someone who can't learn.”

“I don't want you to say anything like that ever again. Why be so hard on yourself? I know next to nothing about dyslexia, but we can research it together. Just give me a few days and I'll find out all about it.”

If I weren't so confused, I would be able to smile. This is how he handles everything. Odin is not afraid of responsibility. He even seems to crave it.

“Have you never sought help?"

I shake my head from side to side, not looking at him. “It will be the first time I've been to a doctor to try to understand more about my...about my problem.”

“The first time? What about your parents? They had to know about it, right?”

“Yes, they both knew, but it's complicated...”No way am I going to reveal that my problem was just another weapon my father used to keep me under his thumb. I'm not ready to tell him everything yet.

Seeming to notice my discomfort, he says, “Okay, you said you'd go to a doctor with Zoe, but if you don't like him, we'll find another one. Only, as I said, I still don't see any connection between that and getting married.”

“Odin, this is just one of the many secrets we keep from each other. I just told you something that has embarrassed me all my life. Would you trust me with what torments you too?”

He doesn't say anything for so long my insecurity can’t handle it and I get up from his lap.

“That's what I thought,” I say and head to the bathroom.

“Where are you going? We’re having lunch in half an hour.”

“I'm sorry, but I can't. I need to think. I'm not ready to decide anything right now.”

A week late r

UMAMI BURGER - NEW YORK

“So you didn't answer?”

“No."

“I don't know if I would have either. It wasn't exactly a romantic proposal.”

“It's not that. I don't care how the proposal was made. Until recently, I thought I didn't even want to get married.”

“And now, do you want to?”

“I don't know if I want to get married, strictly speaking, but I want more of him, more than we have.”

“You are in love.”

I look at my plate. “Yes, I am. I don't know how it happened, but I don't think there's any other name for what Odin makes me feel, other than love.”

“Even though he hates your father?”

I sigh, tired of never sharing my problems. Maybe the time has come to truly open up to someone. After a sip of my juice, I tell her about my father's likely responsibility for Orien's death, and that I also suspect that Odin's mother was Leandros's mistress.

I won't reveal everything he told me that day in Montana, but I do say that I think the revenge he’s planned against Leandros is to avenge his family.

Zoe looks shocked.

Maybe it's hard for her to understand, but it's not for me. I know exactly who the person that brought me into this world is.

“I realize that this might sound strange, but if my father is to blame for what happened to his cousin, I can understand Odin's desire to bring him to justice. Despite that, I worry about what will happen to my mom.”

“Yes, from what you said, your mother is very dependent on her husband, isn't she?"

“Totally.”

“May I give you some advice?”

“Yes, you may. That's why I asked you to have lunch with me.”

Zoe arrived in New York yesterday with her husband. She said she wouldn't miss my first party for anything, and we agreed to have lunch at this burger restaurant too. They make a potato chip with salt and truffle cheese, and she’s been craving it.

“Try to process one thing at a time. Since you’ve managed to separate in your heart what you feel for Odin from his problem with your father, maybe you should focus only on what you want.”

“I know what I want. Him. As much as I think there's a chance he could hurt me—because if I accept his proposal, I'll be the one bringing love into the equation—I really want to say yes.”

“So what's the problem?”

“I'm not exactly a brave person. I don't like to take risks.”

“You think very little of yourself, Elina. Courage isn’t not being afraid of anything. It's not backing down even though you’re scared. My self-esteem wasn't great either when I first met Christos, but he's been helping me rebuild it ever since.”

“Christos adores you, Zoe.”

She smiles and nods, but then turns serious again. “Do you know what I’ve learned? Not all love stories are the same, my friend. Don't look for a recipe for happiness. Each couple has their own way of making things work. I don't consider myself capable of judging what's going on inside a person, but I can say with certainty that Odin is crazy about you. From that first day we met, the energy between you was palpable. He couldn't look away for even a second.”

I try to interrupt her, but she makes a gesture with her hand, stopping me.

“If what you want is my opinion, then given what you’ve told me about being in love with him, I think you should go for it. But I'd feel like a terrible friend if I didn't insist that you need to tell him about your dyslexia. I think his reaction will show you exactly what kind of person you are getting involved with.”

“I already told him. We’ve talked so much today that I forgot about it. I told him I think I'm dyslexic.”

“And?”

I shrug. “He said he didn't understand what it had to do with his proposal.”

“Yeah, I think I've now forgiven Odin for all that stupidity when he called you his employee.”

“Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

I shake my head, denying it.

“Odin is crazy about you, Elina. He may not even realize it himself yet, but my guess is that he's just as much in love with you as you are with him.”

“Do you really think so?”

“I do. He could choose any woman he wanted, and I'm not saying this to belittle you but just because it's a fact. The response he gave you just shows me that he wants you more than anything. Give the two of you a chance.”

“I’m scared. I suffered a lot at the hands of my father because of my learning difficulties.”

“Odin is a good man. He’s not your father.”

“I don't want him to stay with me out of pity.”

“That's not what I meant. I’m saying that he really sees you.” She looks a little frustrated and drops her sandwich on her plate before looking me in the eye again. “It's not a common thing, you know? People getting involved to the point where they want to know each other on a deeper level. I think that's why there are so many divorces. Couples bond with their own mental image of what their ideal other half is like. They don’t allow themselves to see who their partner really is.”

“Do you think I should accept it, then?”

“I can’t answer that, Elina, but I honestly think you deserve a chance to be happy. As for accepting the proposal, as much as I like you, you'll have to make up your own mind on that.”

“That's what I feared.”

“I know.”