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Odin

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

I look at the Greek goddess sleeping in my bed.

She hasn’t covered herself. Elina shows no inhibitions with me. She lets me look at her without any shame, and that's just one more thing that drives me crazy about her.

I've never been so deeply enamored of a woman before with a woman before.

She surrenders shamelessly during sex, enjoying every ounce of pleasure she's entitled to. She obeys and commands, as if knowing intuitively what each of us needs to reach paradise.

I thought I would have a reluctant woman because of her inexperience, but she's a hurricane.

Hot, delicious.

I get out of bed because my body is still full of energy, but I've taken her three times in a short time span and she needs to rest.

I put on boxer shorts, walk into one of the rooms I've turned into a library, and sit on the couch with my head leaning against the backrest and my feet planted on the floor, apart from each other.

I keep one arm covering my eyes as I think about all the decisions I have to make from now on.

For a while, she made me forget. The guilt, the search for justice, the endless whirlpool of pain that has been following me since I woke up that day in the hospital when I was twelve.

I was taken out of Greece, but I'm not sure where I was taken to. I only know that my rescuerand I only returned to my country months later, when I was almost fully recovered.

When I returned to Greece, I was no longer afraid of anything.

We spent months talking about fear, unraveling it, until I completely conquered it.

I was twelve years old, with no reason to live except the possibility of avenging the death of my family. That made me unreachable. When you go through hell, there's nothing more anyone can do to hurt you.

I've managed to set the wheels of my revenge in motion, and it's only a matter of time before it all comes to an end. Before I punish the last person who destroyed my childhood.

And then, what's next?

Before bringing her with me, despite my plans to get married one day, I saw a huge void in my path. I didn't believe I could trust anyone enough to share all of me. I still don't believe it, but despite that, something has changed.

Maybe because I can now see her loneliness too. We are like two perfect pieces of a puzzle.

But what will become of the two of us from now on?

I don't know what to do. Neither concerning immediate decisions nor those that will need to be made in the long-term.

I don't want to send her back to her apartment. I can pretend it's because she would be in danger so long as Naim is still obsessed with her, but that would be an outright lie.

The truth is, I don't want her to leave.

Could I keep her with me?

Beyond the concern for her safety, I would like to experience what is blossoming between us without having to go from one place to another, pushing away deadlines, hours, and minutes to work on fast-forward every time we meet.

Will she agree?

I'm not sure.

Elina is inexperienced, yes, but contradictorily, she doesn't want to be accountable to anyone. Even if she is only half Greek, like me, she has many more characteristics of our people than of the English.

She is proud and combative. A true warrior.

I admire her more every day.

No, I'm not ready to let her go yet.

We both agreed to keep things on a physical basis, but I think we can change some rules, like her staying here for a while with me, for example.

I look at the side table and see my book on Norse Mythology. When my mind is exhausted, when I just want to close my eyes and be a normal man, not someone who has based his life on the search for his enemy's blood, or even when I think about giving up, I pick it up and recall what my rescuer told me about the god whose name I inherited.

I can't leave it all behind now, but there's a big part of me that just wants to go back to the bedroom and lose myself in the sleeping woman's arms.

I've been reading for some time when I get the feeling I’m being watched.

I look at the door, and as it always does, her beauty hits me hard.

I know she’s had a shower because her hair is wet and she's only wearing a robe over the same body which drove me crazy a few hours ago. She leans against the entrance as if torn between coming to me or backing off, but I know very well what I want.

I've had some casual relationships. I don't have issues with intimacy, but I'm not the kind of man to cuddle up after sex. Words of affection and non-sexual hugs are unusual for me, but Elina awakens in me an uncontrollable need for her.

Whenever we’re near each other, I need to touch her.

I put the open book on the sofa and reach out, inviting her. "Sleepless?"I don't know if it's the early hours of the morning, the attack she suffered yesterday, or what happened between us that’s made her seem utterly helpless.

“I woke up after you left,” she says, putting her hand in mine.

"Then why didn't you come to me?"

She shrugs. “I thought you might want to be alone. I also need it sometimes." Again, I realize how much in common we actually have. Her attention turns to the forgotten book beside me. "What are you reading?"

"Norse mythology. Gods and their battles."

Her beautiful eyes widen in interest, but she still hesitates. It's as if her mind isn't sure whether she wants to keep this closeness but her body has a will of its own.

“I don't know any stories about the Norse gods,” she says and sits on the edge of the sofa.

God, what is it about her that sparks such a strong desire to protect her? Something about this woman makes me want her with me all the time. "Would you like to learn some?"

"Would you teach me?"

I look at the face that now looks anxious. Elina is my private enigma. Will I ever be able to understand her complexity? "How?"

"Would you read them to me?" She focuses on her hands, as if she thinks she's dared too much. Shyness doesn't suit my goddess, but I think maybe it's just that she's not used to asking for favors.

"You want me to read to you?"

"And also comment on the story. I like to listen."

I know it’s crossing a line and maybe unfamiliar territory for us, but I can't resist. I squeeze her hand, and when she intertwines our fingers, the symbolic gesture of trust ends up dispelling any lingering doubts.

Pulling her close, I put one arm around her shoulders, and with the other hand, I pick up the book again. “This particular story is about Odin, the Norse god I'm named after,” I begin. “I'm only half Greek, did you know?”

She lifts her head to look at me and shakes it.

I don't even know why I'm revealing this. Despite my unusual name and people being curious at times, I never give any explanation of my origins .

“Odin lived in Asgard, in the palace of Valaskjálf, which he built for himself. His throne was there. From it, the god could observe what happened in each of the nine worlds, thanks to his two ravens, Hugin and Munin . During combat, he brandished his spear, Gungnir, and rode his eight-legged horse."

As I read, she is absolutely focused. Breathing evenly.

"The god sometimes took a violent and dark approach, inflicting inflexible punishments, like the sleep imposed on the Valkyrie Brynhild for disobeying him."

I notice she's smiling.

As I narrate, her body slips, and to my surprise, she lays her head on my lap. She stares at me, paying attention to every word, as if she’s reading my lips, though she doesn’t ask any questions.

I pretend that intimacy like this is nothing unusual, but the truth is I've never had this with a woman, a relationship that’s led to such a domestic situation.

It's weird, but at the same time it feels right, and worse, it makes me want more.

I put my hand on her cheek, and she puts hers on top as I continue the story.

“Odin was a fearless and ambitious god. On one occasion, to unravel the Norse runes, he went so far as to hang himself, stabbing himself and spending more than a week without eating because he was told that a sacrifice was necessary for him to absorb the knowledge.”

She squeezes my hand. “Odin was not afraid of anything. You are not afraid of anything."

That's not a question, and I think about what she's saying.

I'm not afraid of anything these days. There's nothing anyone can take away from me that hasn't already been taken.

Yesterday, however, when I was still walking home and Grigori told me what had happened to her, something close to dread gripped me.

The feeling of not being around to protect her when she could have been taken away has given me anguish, but I'm not willing to delve into it any further at the moment.

“Odin also had the ability to transform into any object or animal he wanted,” I continue .

"Can I ask you something?"

I pause reading again. “As long as it doesn't involve your father, you can ask me anything."

"It's not that. You said that Odin had the ability to morph into whatever he wanted to, so in a way, he was a liar. Don't pretend with me. Even when what we have comes to an end, always be honest with me. I was a little like Odin too, but I don't want to live a lie anymore. I'm being myself with you. I give you my word."

"Did you live a lie?"

She looks away. “Yes, but we’re not talking about me. Can you promise me that, Odin? When you don't feel like being with me anymore, if it happens before I feel the same, will you tell me?"

I close the book for good and pull her over my legs, making her straddle me. I hold her face and give her a light kiss. "We've barely begun. Why think about the end?"

"Because it's necessary. Nothing lasts forever."

I don't like her answer, because I know that some feelings can last for many years.

My hatred for Leandros is the biggest proof of that.

“I promise I'll never pretend with you, but I don't want that kind of conversation right now."

"What do you want?"

“You, one more time."

"Where have you been?"

"Home," I answer, and I know she understands that I'm talking about Greece.

We're lying on the bed, and she lifts her head to look at me.

After the library, we showered together. She's driving me crazy with the way she allows things to happen between us. Even though she has never been in a relationship, she accepts everything, without fear of intimacy—at least the sexual kind of intimacy .

In fact, I was the one who was confused when, after our shower, still naked, she asked where she should sleep.

Any other woman, after spending the night with a sexual partner, would assume they'd be sleeping together. The simple fact that I brought her here should imply that, but Elina seems ready for whatever I throw at her.

I think if I pointed out the guest room, she'd go there without even hesitating, but it's the feeling that she's going to slip through my fingers at any moment that makes me want to hold her closer and closer.

She gives herself without restraint, denying me nothing, but thenthe next minute, when it's all over, she acts like what happened isn't important, while I'm still overwhelmed by how she makes me feel.

"What did you go to Greece for? Was it about my father? Are they back?"

I think about how to answer. We agreed that we wouldn't talk about the bastard, but I can't leave her totally in the dark either. “No, they aren't."

"But you went there for him?"

“In a way, yes. I went to find out where my cousin was."

"Orien? He left a long time ago. Why would he come back now? Neither he nor Theo wanted anything to do with the island ever again."

I stare at her, trying to see if she's being sincere.

She is.

I can tell she's totally ignorant of what happened that day in the boathouse.

“Things aren't always what they seem."

She nods in agreement. "You won't tell me anything else, will you?"

"No."

She threatens to get up, but I close my arms around her.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to think."

“Can't you do it here?

"No. It's very difficult to think clearly with you so close."Her honesty disarms me.

“If it's any consolation, I feel the same."

She sighs and lies back against my chest. “I won't ask anymore, because we agreed it would be like this, but don't expect anything from me either."

"What does that mean?"

"That you won't have the right to ask me for my secrets if you don't tell me anything about you outside the bedroom."

Before I can stop, I find myself revealing, "I think my cousin is dead."

She sits up on the bed. "What? How did it happen? Does Theo know?"

Her reaction makes me realize two things at once: she truly believed he was gone, and despite never talking about her brother or any family member other than her parents, she does care for Theodoro.

"Yeah. I went to Boston to talk to him yesterday."

“God, I need to call my brother. I'm not sure he'll want to talk to me, but I need to know how he's doing. Theo adored Orien."

"Are you two fighting?"

“We haven’t really spoken much since he left. I haven’t told him that I’ve come to live . . . uh . . . that I'm here with you."

“I know you haven’t told him or your sisters, which is why I didn't say anything to him yesterday either. It's just that at some point, they'll need to know. Don't your sisters talk to your parents often?"

"No. Once a month tops. I'll call them next week, but I'll talk to Theo first." She pauses, looking unsure about continuing, until she finally makes up her mind. "Was it in Athens? Orien's death, I mean."

"No. He never left the island."

She opens her mouth in shock, and I know she wants to ask more questions, but instead she says, “I'm sorry."

“I don't want to talk about it anymore."

Elina looks ready to argue, but then she lies down on my chest. “It's okay if you don't want to talk about it anymore. Everyone has secrets."