Page 77 of A Wreck, You Make Me (Bad Boys of Bardstown #3)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Before he leaves, I make him promise to focus on the game.

He, in turn, makes me promise to never ever block him on my phone.

I make him promise he won’t leave his team and run home no matter what happens.

He makes me promise that I’ll never ever go anywhere without my phone.

Then, I tell him that this is his last chance.

If he ever goes behind my back and does things without telling me, I’ll never forgive him.

God, I can’t believe he did that. I can’t believe he tried to impregnate me without my knowledge.

And he only brought it up because I pissed him off enough.

No, what I absolutely cannot believe is how he looked when I told him the truth about my birth control pill.

And then hours later when he was leaving for the airport, I can’t believe how disappointed I was.

That I was protected. Against him. Against any accidents.

It’s the craziest thing in the world. I’ve never even thought about babies.

I didn’t think I could. Just like college, a career.

I had Snow to look after. I had to keep her safe, provide a home for her, send her to college.

I always thought dating, babies, happily ever afters were for other people, Plus, I was in love with a man I could never have.

So it never even entered my mind to wish for such things.

As for college, having babies does not mean the end of those things.

Does it make things hard or delay things, yes.

Look at Callie. Yes, she wanted to be a ballerina for as long as she could remember and yes, pregnancies delayed that dream for her.

But they didn’t kill it. She found a way to keep her passion alive—she teaches ballet to kids in town—and next year, she’ll finally go to Juilliard.

I personally think that’s so inspiring and such an example for Halo and Flora.

That they could do anything they wanted, whenever they wanted.

But the thing is that Callie could only do it because of a support system.

Because of her family. But mostly, because of Reed.

A man who loves her more than life itself.

So it’s crazy to even let it enter my brain, this dream.

Of making a family of my own. I always wanted to be a part of something, and while I am now, making a family of my own is too tempting a dream and there’s no way I can wish for that.

Because the only man I’d even want to have that with said he can’t love me. And without love there’s no family.

So it doesn’t make sense that when two days after Shepard leaves, my period comes and my heart breaks. Sitting on the toilet, I see blood on my panties, and my stomach feels hollow. It doesn’t make sense that I then reach for my phone, sitting on the bathroom counter, and fire off a text.

Jupiter

I got my period.

His reply comes a second later; he’s in California right now and since it’s first thing in the morning on the east coast, it’s super early for him.

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

Good.

Jupiter

You’re not disappointed?

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

You’ve got tampons and other stuff for it?

Classic avoidance. But since I don’t want to talk about it either, I let it go and type out a reply.

Jupiter

Yes, Shepard. I have tampons. I’m a girl, remember? This has been happening to me since I was twelve. I keep myself stocked.

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

Fuck, that’s too young.

Jupiter

I mean, it is what it is.

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

Callie got hers around thirteen and we all had a family meeting about it. About who would explain things to her.

Despite the emptiness in my womb, I chuckle at the picture. All the grumpy looking, hypermasculine—I’m sure they were all hypermasculine back then too—Thorne brothers talking about how to handle their little sister’s periods.

Jupiter

Let me guess, you volunteered.

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

Fuck yeah, I volunteered. The rest of them were pussies. Ledger kept saying he wanted to throw up and Stellan and Con both had such serious expressions on their faces that they looked like military generals or whatever.

So I said I’d talk to her. But thank fucking God, she already knew most of it. She was the last in her class to get it and all her friends already spilled the beans about it.

Crisis averted.

I bite my lip, imagining a younger version of Shepard going into Callie’s room to explain feminine things. I bet he was nervous too, just like his brothers, but because his brothers needed him, he did what had to be done. He put his feelings aside, buried them deep and ventured into the unknown.

So maybe it does make sense. That I’m disappointed. Because what girl wouldn’t want a man like that in her life? Forever. Permanently. Till death do us part. Even if he loves someone else and can’t love her.

But then that’s the whole issue, isn’t it? He loves someone else who broke his heart and left him. He’s angry and lonely. Maybe that’s why he wants a baby. To fill that gap. It has nothing to do with me.

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

You bleed a lot?

His text breaks me out of my morose thoughts and I swallow thickly, blushing.

Jupiter

I don’t think we should be talking about this.

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

Why not?

Jupiter

I don’t want to talk about my period with you. Or rather the details of it.

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

Again, why not?

Jupiter

Because it’s gross. And because it’s too intimate.

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

First, it’s not gross. Nothing about you or your pussy is gross.

Second, nothing is too intimate between us. Because it all feels right.

So again, you bleed a lot?

I stare at my phone for a few seconds, realizing he’s right. Everything somehow feels right between us.

Jupiter

Yeah.

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

Fuck.

Jupiter

I can see it right now. On my panties. They’re soaked.

My thighs too.

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

Jesus, baby.

I bet it hurts too, yeah?

Jupiter

Yeah.

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

I have a way to help.

Jupiter

How?

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

Make yourself come.

I stare at the phone for a few seconds with my mouth open. Then, my fingers fly over the keyboard angrily.

Jupiter

Are you seriously turning this into a sexual thing?

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

What the fuck? No. I wouldn’t do that.

I’m clearly an asshole but I’m not going to take advantage of the situation when you’re in pain.

Periods are brutal. I know. Got a sister your age, remember?

Jupiter

Okay, then. Why should I make myself come, exactly?

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

Because it’s basic biology.

An orgasm produces endorphins. Endorphins are natural pain relievers. It also helps relax the uterus and its cramping, which is the reason for your pain in the first place.

Jupiter

How do you know all this?

My Toxic-But-I-Am-Toxic-Too Stepbrother

I’m a fucking athlete. I live for endorphins.

Jupiter

I don’t think I can touch myself when I’m on my period.

But apparently I can, because he tells me how.

He Facetimes and coaches me through it and since we’re cut from the same cloth, I do it.

I do everything he tells me to do while he plays with his dick on the other side of the screen, and it does make me feel better, the orgasm.

Something I never knew. So that’s what I do for the next several days.

We talk every night and I give myself orgasms in the name of alleviating my pain, but I know I’m doing it because I miss him.

I do it because I want to come with him, come watching his face, watching his muscles tense and twitch when he comes.

It’s usually after ten, when Snow is asleep and I’m in my room by myself, and he’s in his room wherever he is.

He’s bare chested and I’m in my nightie.

He looks so handsome through the screen, smirking at me, chuckling, teasing me, talking to me about things—games, the food, his hotel, his teammates, what he sees out the window—and telling me if I’d like the city he’s in.

While his eyes say he doesn’t want to do this.

He doesn’t want to be so far away from me.

His eyes tell me he needs me close. He needs to smell me, touch me, kiss me, fuck me.

He wants to hold me and instead of going to sleep alone in his bed, he wants to go to sleep with me.

I know all this because I do the same things.

I laugh with him, tease him back, tell him about my classes, my homework, new friends I made at school, girls’ nights and that Snow is teaching me to play Xbox these days because she misses him and doesn’t have anyone to play with.

I tell him I lock the doors carefully and engage the alarm system when we’re home.

And yes, I bring my phone everywhere with me.

He also asks about my mother and if she has tried to contact us.

She hasn’t. Not since the night she barged in here.

Initially, I did think she’d come and try to ruin things for us because she holds a mean grudge.

But it’s been weeks now without a word from her so I don’t know what to think anymore.

In all honesty though, I don’t think I’m too worried.

Even if she hasn’t moved on, I have him with me and my entire family so I’ll be okay. Snow will be okay too.

And I watch his games.