Page 52 of A Wreck, You Make Me (Bad Boys of Bardstown #3)
Chapter Nineteen
The next day, I tell Callie that I’ve decided to check out some courses at Bardstown Community College. She squeals and I squeal back because I’m excited. I’m so, so excited to explore, to see what’s out there. And thanks to a certain someone, I now can.
I also tell her that I’d be up for her brothers’ offer for paying for my courses.
But only if they agree that I’ll pay half of it.
I do it because this will get back to him.
Because after a long night of tossing and turning, I’ve decided something.
I’m not giving up on him. No, we can’t have the kind of a relationship he wants but we are going to have a relationship.
It’s called friendship, something he hates but he’ll just have to live with it.
Thirty minutes after I hang up with Callie, I get his text on my phone.
My Toxic Stepbrother
Are you trying to piss me off again?
I’m filling the coffee pot when my phone chimes in my pocket and usually I wouldn’t look at it, but this is an exception.
Jupiter
Callie is fast.
My Toxic Stepbrother
Callie knows not to disobey me. You should learn from her.
Jupiter
She’s not your slave. She’s your sister.
I’m also not your slave. I’m your stepsister.
I said that purely to piss him off because friends piss each other off, right? Plus, he needs a little ego check.
My Toxic Stepbrother
I don’t need a reminder of who you are.
But maybe we should brush up on the rules again.
Jupiter
Yeah, about that. I also have some rules.
My Toxic Stepbrother
Is that right?
Jupiter
Yes. The first one is that this is a two-way street, you and me.
My Toxic Stepbrother
There is no you and me.
Jupiter
There, unfortunately, is. Because we live in the same house. Also known as co-existing.
Or co-living, whatever.
My Toxic Stepbrother
Are we back to that again?
Jupiter
We are. We’re going to compromise on things.
My Toxic Stepbrother
I don’t want to compromise.
Jupiter
You’re going to have to because that’s how this works.
You can pay for my courses as long as you let me pay for half of it.
My Toxic Stepbrother
No.
Jupiter
Ugh, you’re so annoying!
My Toxic Stepbrother
Ditto. Have a great day.
Jupiter
No, wait! Come back!
My Toxic Stepbrother
What?
Jupiter
Look, I really, REALLY want to do this. I really want to go to college, even if for a little while, just to see if it’s the right fit for me. And I never thought I’d get the chance. Not until you. So now you’re going to have to take care of it.
I won’t go to college if you pay for everything. I have to be able to pay for myself. Period. So you decide: Either I go and I pay my half or you insist on being this macho guy who has to pay for everything, and I don’t end up doing something I really want to do.
I know I only have to bid my time until I get the answer I want.
My Toxic Stepbrother
Fine.
Jupiter
Yay. Thank you, friend.
I did that on purpose too. Because I know it will piss him off but also, there’s no easing his way into it. He needs to be smacked in the face with things sometimes. This is my bite-him-first approach before he gets his chance to sink his teeth into me.
My Toxic Stepbrother
What the fuck did you say to me?
Jupiter
I’m sorry. I don’t know what you’re talking about.
My Toxic Stepbrother
Don’t fuck with me right now.
Jupiter
Oh, right. I’ve also decided we’re friends.
My Toxic Stepbrother
We’re absolutely fucking not.
Jupiter
Sorry, I already have you on my Christmas card list.
My Toxic Stepbrother
Burn it.
Jupiter
The list?
Sorry, can’t. It’s fireproof.
And bulletproof. Oh and it’s also in my head so it’s really not going anywhere.
My Toxic Stepbrother
You know what, I don’t have time for this. Call me whatever you want, I don’t fucking care.
Chuckling, I go back to work stocking the display shelf. Then, after about thirty minutes or so, I bite my lip and debate whether to do it. But then, I think I have to. This is all about compromise and co-existing and moving forward, so I shoot him another text.
Jupiter
So I really think you should delete that video.
I probably shouldn’t have started like that.
I probably should’ve made my case first. Which is that I’m keeping his money—I’m going to save it for Snow like I always thought I would if we’d gone through with our arrangement—so as a compromise, he should delete that video.
It’s only fair. On top of it being another secret, it’s also token of the night he took his revenge on me.
While I did everything out of love and would hate to see that video go, he did it out of revenge.
So it’s for best if the evidence of such a complicated night is erased altogether.
My Toxic Stepbrother
It’s gone.
Jupiter
What?
My Toxic Stepbrother
I deleted it.
Jupiter
You did?
My Toxic Stepbrother
Yeah.
Jupiter
Last night?
My Toxic Stepbrother
No.
Jupiter
So then, when?
My Toxic Stepbrother
Right after.
Jupiter
It happened?
My Toxic Stepbrother
Yeah.
I’m standing stuck to the counter because I don’t think I’d be able to stand on my own two feet because my legs are shaking so hard.
My heart is pounding so fast and hard too that I feel like I have more than one.
Like I have too many hearts and too many heartbeats.
My fingers slip on the screen a bunch of times before I can type out a single word that’s blaring in my mind.
Jupiter
Why?
My Toxic Stepbrother
Because I don’t need a fucking video to remind me.
Jupiter
Of what I did?
My Toxic Stepbrother
Of what I did.
How I made you cry.
Jupiter
I was crying?
My Toxic Stepbrother
Yeah.
I drank your tears just as I pushed you away from me so hard that you fell on the floor.
And then I just left you there.
So apparently, I did leave you. Unlike what you believe.
Wait a second. I just… I just need a moment here.
I need to get it straight in my head: I don’t have any recollection of me crying.
At all. I mean, I did cry but not at the club and definitely not in front of him.
But I know he’s telling the truth because only he would notice something that no one else would.
That even I didn’t. And of course, he’d be the only one to beat himself up about it.
Isn’t he the man who made my life better even though he was angry at me? So why wouldn’t he be beating himself up for exacting his revenge on me even though I hold no ill-will?
Jupiter
I’m not mad at you.
My Toxic Stepbrother
Well, you’re not paying attention then.
Jupiter
I don’t want you to beat yourself up for this.
My Toxic Stepbrother
Again, you need to start paying attention.
Jupiter
I lied to you for years, Shepard. I knew what I was doing. I knew what would happen if you found out.
My Toxic Stepbrother
And I proved you right.
Jupiter
You just… lashed out because you were angry. Rightfully so.
Can’t we just call it even?
My Toxic Stepbrother
No.
Because you lied for a good reason. And you were afraid for a really fucking good reason too.
I lashed out because I got butthurt. Because the first time I saw you wasn’t really the first time I saw you. Because you saw me first and that somehow didn’t sit right with me. It didn’t sit right that I wasn’t the one to find you first.
How was it that you watched me and followed me around and I never even knew you existed?
My phone almost slips from my fingers then.
Because… This is more than insane. Because who thinks like this?
Who gets mad because they weren’t the first ?
And not just about anything but about finding someone first. I swallow down my emotions or try to, but they keep swelling up and getting stuck in my throat.
And then before I can think about it, I type out my response with flying fingers and hit send .
Jupiter
I know you’re going to hate this, but you just went to the top of my Christmas card list. And my birthday invitation list too.
I will also write you letters that I will then send via pigeon carriers.
My Toxic Stepbrother
Are you done?
Jupiter
Not really but I’ll let you live.
My Toxic Stepbrother
Thank fuck.
Jupiter
Have a great day at practice! I believe in you!!
My Toxic Stepbrother
Jesus, fuck, stop.
I’m not going to.
Because I’m not just his friend anymore. I’m also his therapist and his cheerleader. I’m his everything that I can be. Because I was right. Who is going to make things easy for him while he’s out there making things easy for everyone else?
He needs someone in his life. Someone to believe in him like he believes in me. Someone to take care of his dreams like he’s taken care of mine. Someone to help him while he’s always helping others.
I start with upstairs. Helping him, I mean.
If the updated porch and the yard weren’t an indication that he’s trying to fix up his childhood home, then it would be the half-painted room upstairs with a bunch of trash bags in it.
I found this room two days ago and upon further inspection, I realized the trash bags were full of clothes.
Old clothes. So old and dusty that they were falling apart, and they belonged to a woman.
Immediately I knew what I was looking at: his mother’s clothes.
He's been trying to clean out his mother’s room, but judging by the half-finished things—the walls, the closet only half emptied—he hasn’t gotten very far, or hasn’t been able to finish it. So I’m going to do that for him.
Which is what I’m doing on my third night in his house when my phone chimes with a text.
My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother
Where are you?
Jupiter
Hello to you too.
My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother
Are you upstairs?
Jupiter
Yes.
My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother
Why?
Sitting on the floor, surrounded by his mother’s old things, I bite my lip and type.
Jupiter
I thought you were playing your soccer game with my sister.
My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother
It’s called FIFA and I can multi-task.