Page 53 of A Wreck, You Make Me (Bad Boys of Bardstown #3)

Besides I don’t need to pay too much attention to it.

Jupiter

Why, because my sister is kicking your ass?

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

I’m letting my sister kick my ass.

Jupiter

What, why?

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

I’m not going to win against my little sister. Especially when she’s still new to the game. Plus she needs cheering up after everything.

What kind of a brother would I be if I didn’t cheer her up?

I want to reply to him. I do. But my chest clenches so hard that I have to take a moment to myself.

So as expected, my not-so-toxic stepbrother and my sister have become besties.

While he leaves for practice super-duper early and is never around to eat breakfast—or even dinner at times—with us, I know for a fact that they stay in touch throughout the day via texts.

I hear about it from Snow when I come back from work.

But no matter how busy he is, he’s always back in time to play their favorite soccer game, FIFA.

I always knew they’d become best friends and it warms my heart to see I was right.

Snow has always loved him from afar and while it was mostly due to soccer, I know she loves him now as her brother too.

For the first time ever, she’s so comfortable in someone else’s presence Someone who isn’t me or one of my friends.

This is her relationship outside of me and while I’m a little jealous that her world isn’t confined to just me, I’m so much happier about it too.

She needs people she can count on and he’s the best man for the job.

Which also means the decision I made that night to stay away from him was the right one.

I can’t give in to my feelings and start something with him, start something that he wants.

Because what he wants is only temporary.

Which means things between us will end one day and what if we end up hurting Snow over it?

I know she wants me to be happy and gives me enough hints that I should do something about living under the same roof as him.

But she’s too na?ve to understand that things between us aren’t meant to last. And I don’t want that to affect her when she finally has everything that I ever wanted her to have.

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

Now what are you doing in the upstairs room?

Jupiter

Making things easy for you.

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

What?

Jupiter

I know what you’re doing. As in, with the house. I saw it the first night I came here.

You’re trying to clean it out, update it. So I’m trying to help you.

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

Help me.

Jupiter

And while I’m not at all handy with paint brushes and changing pipes or whatever it is you’re planning on doing, I thought I’d try to sift through things and organize.

And I decided to start with this room. The one that you left unfinished.

He, of course, takes his time replying. I’m pretty sure he’s seething downstairs. Although you wouldn’t know it by the sounds. As in, there’s a roar on the TV and my sister just whooped about it. She probably scored a goal or something. Or maybe he let her score a goal.

My phone chimes in my hand and my fingers jump to unlock the screen.

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

Fine.

I was about to give up on that room anyway.

Jupiter

Because it was your mother’s room?

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

Yeah.

Jupiter

Was it painful? To clean it out before.

It’s too personal for him, I know. But I’m afraid I’m not going to back off. I’m not going to leave him alone to be by himself. Not after everything we’ve been through. Besides, he invited me to live with him in this house, and I intend to make the most of it.

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

It was.

For all of us. None of us could do it. I remember Ledger threw up the moment he entered the room and never went back in. Stellan probably got up to stripping the sheets but that was it.

Con never went in. Callie was too little.

Jupiter

What about you?

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

I finished stripping the bed. Getting rid of the rest of the bedding. I packed up her knickknacks from the dresser. But that was all. Couldn’t touch her clothes or any of her other stuff in the closet.

Then Con locked up the room and said no one was supposed to go in there. And no one did.

Jupiter

Until you again.

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

Yeah.

I bite my lip, thinking how he’d been the only one years ago who did what his brothers couldn’t do. And I bet he did it for them more than for himself. I bet he did it because what kind of a brother would he be if he didn’t help them out?

God, I wish we were having this conversation face to face.

I wish we weren’t talking through screens like we’re miles away instead of being in the same house.

But I know this is for the best, him downstairs and me up here.

Because I don’t know what I would do if I actually saw him right now.

I’d probably throw myself at him, and break all the promises I have made.

Jupiter

What made you change your mind now?

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

It’s time.

Jupiter

Time for what?

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

To finish what I started.

My brothers and my sister hardly ever come around anymore. And very rarely to this house. Too many bad memories, I guess. So I’m just trying to give them something to come back to.

Jupiter

You miss them, your siblings.

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

Of course, I miss them.

They’re my family.

Jupiter

You’re lonely.

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

You got that because I’m trying to clean a room?

My eyes well up with tears and since I’m alone, I let them fall. I let them stream down my cheeks because yes, he’s alone. He’s so, so alone.

Jupiter

Sort of.

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

So are you going to stay upstairs and have more epiphanies about me?

Jupiter

That’s the plan.

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

Because you’re trying to make things easy for me.

Jupiter

That’s what friends do.

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

Don’t wanna be your friend, remember?

Or at least, not the kind you have in mind.

Jupiter

That’s the only kind of friend we’re going to be.

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

Kinda hard to do when I can smell you from down here.

Jupiter

What?

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

Your scent of honey and rose.

I frown at the screen, my mind racing alongside my heart. Then, with shaking fingers, I type out my reply.

Jupiter

That’s my new perfume.

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

Yeah?

Jupiter

Did you steal my new perfume?

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

Well, I thought friends share things.

Jupiter

I did not share that with you.

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

So I guess, yeah, I did steal it.

Jupiter

You went into my room?

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

Technically it’s my room.

Jupiter

That you insisted that I stay in.

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

Funny how things work out.

Jupiter

Shepard!

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

How else am I supposed to smell you then?

Jupiter

You’re not supposed to smell me.

My Not-So-Toxic Stepbrother

If you don’t want any secrets, that’s fine. But I don’t mind keeping secrets for you. I don’t mind cheating, stealing, lying or sneaking into your room when you’re not there just so I get to be close to you.

It’s like I can hear him. Right now. I can hear him saying all these things to me, whispering them in my ears.

Or more like rasping, with how rough his voice is.

How full of gravel. I also smell him, in this moment.

In the air, through the walls. Sweet and tart strawberries.

But then who am I kidding, I always smell him.

Even when he’s not home. But I remind myself of my promise, my goal as I put the phone aside and go back to work.

But then a couple of days later, it becomes really hard to stay true to my good intentions because he doesn’t come home.

He isn’t home by the time he usually is to play FIFA with my sister.

While Snow is disappointed as she goes upstairs to bed, I’m more worried.

I know him. There is no way he’d miss his time with Snow. There has to be something wrong.

And then I find out why.

I have alerts set up on my phone, about his articles and things.

I know most of them are lies but I have no way of knowing how he’s doing at practice.

While most of the articles are stupid gossip about the supposed love triangle and all the dire predictions about his stats in the upcoming season, some of them do say that his performance is improving in practice.

He may not be where he was last season before everything went to shit but he isn’t as bad as he was when the pre-season practice started.

It warms my heart, knowing he’s doing better.

Of course, he doesn’t tell me anything when I ask because I’m not his ‘cheerleader’ but I don’t let that deter me.

I still tell him how much I believe in him and how he’s going to prove them all wrong.

Not to mention, having these alerts also made me aware of what Snow had been afraid of. As in, the media knows about us. Or at least, about me and what I look like.

One morning we woke up to find my picture in an article, in my uniform from the coffee shop.

I was at the register, and the angle was such that the photo was taken from across the street.

It was seriously violating. The only consolation was they didn’t have Snow’s photo, just her name and all the information was about how Thornes had helped us with her sickness.

Nothing of our parents and the sordid history.

But if they found out about the coffee shop, then there’s a chance they could also find out about the strip club.

While I have no issues or shame admitting I worked there once, there are certain things I don’t want them to find.

Like the fact that a certain soccer player I’m related to, the one who’s been in the news a lot lately used to visit me at the club.

I mean, everyone saw him when he used to go and back then, I was just an anonymous redhead that he may have taken a shine to.

But apparently, I’m not anonymous anymore.

What if someone finds out and it’s all over the news?

What if he loses his place on the team because of it?

But when I see the notification of an article on my screen tonight, it’s not about me or Snow or predictions about his performance.

It’s something even worse. It’s the news of Isadora and Stellan.

They’re engaged. My eyes fly through the article as I read, trying to absorb every word all at once.

It says that someone spotted a ring on her finger while she was out with friends.

And sources close to them say they got engaged in secret and were keeping it on the down low.

And is it because they didn’t want to hurt Stellan’s twin brother who also happens to be Isadora’s ex-fiancé?

After that, they go on to compare the two rings, the one Shepard gave her and the one Stellan has proposed with.

What fucking assholes!

Before I can think about it, I call him. He picks up on the second ring and his voice fills my ear. “You okay?”

And then it fills my heart because I called to see if he was okay. If I read the article, I bet he did too. He may have found out about it at practice, in front of everyone. Clutching my phone in my hand and standing stuck to the door of my—his—room, I ask, “Where are you?”

“Are you guys okay?” he asks again.

“Yes. Yes, we’re fine,” I tell him, realizing he’ll never answer me until I give him the answer he’s looking for. “Where are you?”

He takes a couple of beats to answer and my heart squeezes and squeezes in my chest. Then. “I’ll be home late.”

“Is it true?” I ask then and wince myself so I don’t even know what he’s going through. All I know is I don’t have to tell him what I’m talking about because he knows. Because he hasn’t spoken a single word in the last however many seconds.

He hasn’t even breathed.

And God, I can’t breathe either. I can’t breathe with this pain in my chest. But somehow, I manage to whisper, pressing my spine against the door, “Come home. Please, come home, Shepard.”

“Why?” he asks, his voice rough, cracked.

“Because I…”

I love you. I love you so much. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone and please let me make it better. However I can. However you want. I’ll do anything you want me to. Just please come home.

“Because you what,” he growls, angrily, torturously almost. “Talk to me about what I deserve and all the fucking hardships I’ve gone through.

All that bullshit you never stop reminding me.

Or maybe you wanna talk to me about my practice and fucking smother me with your belief that I can do it and that I can prove them fucking wrong. ”

“Shepard, please, you?—”

“Because if that’s what you want to do, then I don’t know how many times and how many ways I can tell you to fuck off. I don’t need your fucking friendship. You know what I need from you. Unless you’re ready to give me that, leave me the fuck alone.”