Page 40 of A Wreck, You Make Me (Bad Boys of Bardstown #3)

My mother scoffs. “You’ve always been such a drama queen.

‘Men look at me too much, Mom. Men want me too much. They touch me when I don’t want them to.

’” She shakes her head. “You like to pretend to be a mother, don’t you?

Well, that’s what mothers do. They make sacrifices.

And so what if men want you too much? You’re pretty.

You’re young. You’re desirable. Well”—she studies my face for a second—“when you actually make the effort, but stop with your whining, will you? That’s how the world works.

If they want to touch you, let them as long as you’re getting something out of it. And you were, remember? Money.”

“Why do you hate me so much?” I blurt out then.

I can’t believe I’ve never asked her that question.

Not point blank at least. But I do now. “It can’t just be that I always hated Jeremy and didn’t want you to marry him.

I mean, you know how much of an asshole he is.

You know that. You’ve seen that. So what exactly is your problem with me? ”

My mom’s eyes go hard then, her chest heaving with anger. “You don’t remember, do you?”

“Remember what?”

She watches me a beat before revealing, “It was you. You told him.”

My heart is racing but I don’t know the reason. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Her chest jerks with a sharp angry breath.

“You told your father about Jeremy.” I open my mouth to say something but she keeps going, “You let it slip that you saw Mommy with a man. A friend who came over to visit while Daddy was gone. You told him that we were in our bedroom for a long time and that you couldn’t play your stupid little game with me because I was busy. ”

My mind is reeling. I don’t believe it. This is absolutely not true.

Is it?

So then why am I getting flashes of my mother in a robe, laughing and smoking a cigarette?

And a man who looks like a younger version of Jeremy, laughing with her, kissing her.

Why do I feel like I’m standing outside of my mom’s bedroom, peeking through the sliver of an opening?

And when my mother saw me, she came over to chastise me and shut the door in my face.

And I felt so much anger at her, such fury that when my dad came back from work that night, I complained about how she sent me away, without playing with me because she was busy with her man friend.

“Now, do you remember?” Mom goes on, her teeth clenched, probably studying it on my face, the realization.

“You were the one. You ruined my life. So my problem with you, Jupiter, is that your father was the only man I ever loved. And I loved him so much, I gave him everything he wanted. Including my virginity on prom night, which got me pregnant with you. Since your grandparents were stuck-up assholes who went to a Catholic church, they wouldn’t let me get an abortion.

And your father, he promised he’d be there for me no matter what.

But as soon as we got married and I had you, he forgot that promise.

He cheated on me, twice that I know of, while I was stuck at home taking care of you.

And then, when I wanted to get back at your father for what he did to me, you ruined everything for me.

“But that’s not all, is it? You wanted me to take care of two kids alone .

Without anyone to take care of me. Without a man.

And I realize Jeremy wasn’t the best option.

I always knew he was a drunk who cheated on his wife with me and an asshole.

But it’s better than living alone. So basically, I hate you, Jupiter, because the moment you came into my life, into my womb, you’ve done nothing but ruin things for me.

You drove everything good in my life away, and when I tried to make the best of it, you didn’t like that either.

You fought with me, threw tantrums, accused Jeremy of looking at you wrong, like you didn’t walk around the house wearing your little shorts and tight t-shirts, loving every second of it.

And now, you don’t even pick up my calls.

I’ve been calling you and calling you because I need your help and you don’t even have the decency to talk to me.

It’s like you want me to be alone. You want me to be unhappy. ”

Ah, so that’s why. She hates me because I ruined her life.

I drove the only man she loved away. Because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.

Got it. I don’t know what I was expecting her to say.

Maybe I thought she’d finally tell me she didn’t hate me.

That maybe it was all in my head. Or maybe she did hate me after all, but only a little bit.

And we could maybe… find a way back to each other.

I could finally crack the code and make my mother love me.

I had no idea her hatred for me was so all-encompassing.

All of a sudden, I feel weak again. Like I did right after everything had happened.

I feel like I could crumble any second. And while crumbling and falling apart and sobbing are all okay things to do, I can only do them when I’m alone.

I can’t let my sister know I’m going through something, and I can definitely not let my mother know.

I need my mom to leave, which is why I ask, “How much do you need this time?”

If she needs help, it can only be one thing, and I’m right.

She says she needs three hundred dollars because she’s short on rent.

Jeremy got fired again and he hasn’t been able to find anything new.

It’s a lot of money for someone like me, even without the debt, but I still give it to her.

Because I always lend her money, even if it meant picking up extra shifts at the strip club.

Because she’s my mother, and even if she doesn’t love me, I love her.

And now as it turns out, everything wrong in her life is because of me.

Finally, my mother is leaving three hundred dollars richer, and I decide to go check on Snow first. Except when I call out for her from the hallway, she doesn’t answer.

And when I find her sleeping in her bed and try to wake her up because it’s not really bedtime, she doesn’t wake up.

And I realize I don’t have to wait to fall apart in the shower because I already am falling apart as I call 911.