Page 50 of A Wreck, You Make Me (Bad Boys of Bardstown #3)

How did he… Right, of course. God, I need to really get with the program. Didn’t I already just establish that he did everything, that he was behind it all? So why wouldn’t he be behind this whole college thing that Callie brought up earlier?

“How did you,” I ask, unable to stop myself, “know about the dance thing? That I want to study dance.”

I wish I could say his eyes display something mysterious at my question, but I can’t.

His eyes, his expression, his entire body screams one and only one thing at me as to how he knows I want to study dancing.

He knows it better than anyone else because he’s the only one I’ve danced for.

The intimacy alone in his stare kills me so I have to look away as he says, “That was a stupid fucking question.” I wince, curling my bare toes as he goes on, “And Snow confirmed it when we had our chat.”

I look up. “You asked Snow about me.”

He moves his jaw back and forth before replying, “She knows you the most, doesn’t she?”

I nod.

“So then, yeah I asked her about you.”

I squeeze my thighs. “What about me?”

“Your hopes and dreams. All your little heart’s desires.”

I blush, my heart pounding in my chest. “You?—”

“She told me you’ve always wanted to dance.”

I squeeze my thighs and shift on my feet restlessly.

“Yes, I… When I was little, I’d talk about going away to dance, not necessarily to a dancing school but I did look up some programs here and there.

And Snow would tell me that she’d go with me.

I thought one day I’d make it happen. I always wanted to get out of that house, get Snow away from there.

So I thought one day, I’d find a way to do that and then we’d spend our days dancing.

Snow would read books but…” I lick my lips.

“It doesn’t really mean I want to go to college for it. I just… want to explore.”

He watches my mouth for a second, maybe remembering a similar conversation we had at the coffee shop, and I claw my fingers on the wall, moving restlessly again. Then, looking up, “So this is your chance to do that.”

“But I don’t… I don’t have any money. Before you say anything, I know you’re the one who’s going to pay for it. But you’re already doing so much, you’ve already done so much, I?—”

“I could’ve left you there,” he cuts me off with a ticking jaw.

“You’re right. I could’ve left you where I found you but I didn’t.

I couldn’t . Ever since I saw you at that strip club, serving the assholes of this town, I’ve thought of nothing else but to get you out of there.

I’ve thought of nothing else but to get you out of that hellhole apartment too.

And yeah, it’s because we’re connected. You said that, right?

It’s because you went through what I went through.

Maybe even worse because you didn’t have anyone else but yourself.

And you’re so grateful, aren’t you. You’re always running your mouth and telling me how grateful you are.

You fucking interrupted my peaceful night to tell me how grateful you are.

So this is how you thank me. You take the opportunity I’m giving you and live your fucking life. The easy way.”

Because it doesn’t feel right. Because while he’s out there making things easy for everyone, for me. The girl who lied to him. Who’s going to make things easy for him?

I haven’t forgotten about that. A lot has happened in the past two weeks, but it’s always been there, in the back of my mind. What he wanted from me. Where we were headed. His game, his lack of focus. The fact that he thought I could distract him from his heartbreak.

“What about you?” I ask, my voice full of choking emotions.

“What about me?”

“What about your…problem?”

He stiffens, his fingers fisting and that bottle he’s still holding getting crushed even more and I feel it in my chest. “You don’t need to worry about that.”

“But season’s only a few weeks away and?—”

“Not your fucking concern.”

I lean forward, insisting, “But you still need help. You still need to prove everyone wrong and?—”

“Yeah, you willing to help me then?” he asks, his voice rough, low, kind of… seductive.

And I press my spine back, shifting against the wall again. “Not… that way.”

“So which way then?”

He’s not going to like it. I’m fully aware of that.

He may even lash out but I don’t have any other option.

I have to say it. I have to at least make an offer of it.

Something I’ve been thinking about these past few days.

I didn’t even know I’d get a chance to say it to him but it’s here and so steeling my spine, I go, “I thought… I thought we could be friends.”

Danger flickers through his features, his entire body actually. “Friends.”

“I know things are rocky between us and after what I did, you may not even want to be my friend?—”

“Yeah, you got that right.”

I flinch. “But I really want to help. I really do. I don’t want them to bench you or take away your dream, Shepard. Just because you’re struggling right now.”

He is still for a few seconds, his eyes dark and staring, watching, making my belly flutter.

Making me think of all the things I shouldn’t be thinking about now more than ever.

Then, “I told you. If I needed a fucking therapist, I’d go find one.

If I wanted more cheer in my life, I’d go bang a cheerleader too while I’m at it.

I came to you for a very specific service.

Unless you’re willing to provide that, I’m not fucking interested in being your friend.

In fact, I’m pretty fucking uninterested in being anything to you except the man who gives it to you so hard, you shatter the windows of this house with your screams.”

I breathe for a few seconds. In and out.

I swallow too, to get the lump of emotion down.

I also fist and unfist my fingers at my sides.

Just so I don’t punch him in the face. Because like always, he has managed to do both, make me cry while being angry at him.

And even though I expected it, it’s not all that easy to bear.

But I can’t dwell on it. I can’t dwell on the hurt when I knew he’d bite me. I knew he had sharp teeth. So I get to this last piece of business between us. I dig into my pajama pockets and retrieve the thing that’s been burning a hole in my nightstand drawer, even at my old apartment.

“I think you should take this back,” I say, thrusting it at him.

He glances down and I don’t have to guess what he thinks about it, that I’m giving him back his money.

The cash he gave me that night. He was wrong.

It wasn’t double of what he gave Bridgette.

It was more than triple. It was over ten thousand dollars.

And I know he gave it to me to help me. So I could maybe go a few weeks or even a couple of months without having to look for a second job.

He probably also knew I wouldn’t take any more than that from him so it was another one of the things he prepared for when he came that night.

He’s visibly furious. Because not only does his jaw harden, I notice the lines of his body going rigid as well. Especially his shoulders and the bulges of his biceps, and I really wish he was wearing a shirt, so I didn’t have to see how his whole body grows scary when he’s angry.

But again, I have to persevere. “And I think…” I trail off for a second because he looks up, his eyes flickering with threats too. “I think you should also d-delete that video. From your phone.”

For some reason, that cuts me more than giving him his money back.

Because that video was… It was my gift to him.

I know he only wanted to record me out of revenge and to humiliate me.

But I put on a show for him because I wanted to.

Because I wanted him to remember the first night I decided to give myself to him. It was special to me. Precious.

And so was everything that came after. I know it’s crazy to think of it that way but I loved how he pushed me, made me feel things I’ve never felt before.

That I could only feel with him. That deep sense of trust, safety, submission.

Knowing that he’d take care of me. Knowing I could be that open with him, and he wouldn’t hurt me.

He did but not in that way. He broke my heart but somehow my trust in him is even stronger now than it was before. But it needs to go, the video, the money, everything. Because it’s a fresh start.

“Why?” he asks.

“Because we’re… Because you’re my stepbrother and I’m your s-stepsister. It’s not… appropriate. You?—”

“Not that either,” he clips.

“What?”

“You may be the sister of my new sister but you’re not my fucking sister,” he bites out.

I flinch again. “Stepsister.”

“Whatever the fuck. You’re not anything that involves the word ‘sister.’”

My breath hiccups and I say, “I’ve felt so guilty for lying to you.

To Callie. To the rest of your family for so long.

I’ve felt so… unclean. Every time I talked to my best friend, I felt like I was betraying her.

Every time I came around and saw your brothers, it felt like my shoulders would cave in from the weight of all my secrets and…

Secrets hurt. They always end up ruining things.

They hurt you . They made you so angry. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.

I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. Especially not your family.

That’s somehow my family too now. Something I’ve never had and…

Snow’s family. She’s lived with uncertainty for so long and I don’t…

I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize her happiness.

Not to mention, we need to find a way to co-exist in this house and everything that happened between us…

So please, take this money and delete that video because I don’t want any more secrets than what we already have. ”