Page 39 of A New Life in Amsterdam

Since Beatrix told me that I might not have to wait too long for the market folk to get in touch, I fill my days with getting jumpers and more needle-felted animals ready in case I get my stall.

I figure that I can always sell them online if all else fails.

There is always someone looking for a felt cockapoo somewhere in the world.

By the time I have much of my stock ready, the spare room looks like it is waiting to be part of a jumble sale as I fill it up with miniature dogs, cats, unicorns and mohair jumpers and scarves.

Perhaps it is for the best that I don’t have Abe to distract me.

It is more important that I impress the management down at the market.

I have never been more determined about something in my life, and I am going to make this stall work no matter what.

Four days pass and I have yet to see Abe, thanks to staying in and getting on with building my furry empire.

On the fifth day, I have no choice but to go out and, as I know I have to pass the coffee shop to get to the supermarket for my weekly supplies, I feel a knot of dread in my stomach at the thought of cycling past. I try to convince myself not to worry, that he will be rushed off his feet as usual and busy behind the counter.

In which case, unless he is staring out of the window, there is no chance of him seeing me.

Still, I pop my hood up, so that I can try to remain incognito.

As I start getting closer to the coffee shop my stomach does a somersault.

That’s the problem with break-ups, you dread seeing someone for the first time.

Perhaps I should just get it over with and then I will have nothing to worry about in future.

As I approach the coffee shop, I see the woman he gave his number to standing outside with a dog on a lead.

They didn’t waste any time. Ted is playing with the woman’s dog and I realise how even Ted has happily replaced me.

Then Abe walks out with a coffee in his hand and gives it to the woman.

They sit down at an outside table. I can’t help but stare as I watch them chatting and laughing about something as the dogs play together.

I want to keep on cycling as fast as I can, but find myself automatically slowing down as I watch, especially as I then see Beatrix coming outside and sitting down with them.

So, Beatrix is in on this too. I almost feel a little betrayed, but I guess blood is thicker than water.

I have to stop my bike before I lose my balance as I am going too slow to keep pedalling.

I stare over in their direction despite knowing that it is pointless watching them all.

It only makes things more painful. But then Abe sees me from the other side of the street and waves at me.

It is not his usual friendly wave but at least he is being pleasant.

Sheepishly, I wave back and then start to cycle away slowly.

Then I hear Beatrix shouting my name. She must have spotted Abe waving at me.

At first, I pretend not to hear her and wobble about on my bike, but she runs up to me as I get stuck behind some pedestrians.

‘Hey, we’re just having a coffee break. You want to join us?’

Do I want to join them? Well, this is awkward!

‘I’m just rushing off. I have to get somewhere.’

Beatrix looks at the reusable shopping bags in my basket.

‘If you’re off to the supermarket, it doesn’t close for another few hours. How can you refuse a hot chocolate? I’ll make it with your favourite cream and a chocolate flake, on the house. Just the way you like it.’

I think about making up some spurious appointment I have before doing my shopping, but a part of me wants to see Abe and break the ice. I may as well get this over with.

‘Well, okay, if you insist.’ I smile and take a deep breath before I reach the table with Abe and his lady friend.

‘Sandy, hi,’ says Abe.

‘Hi.’ I look at Abe’s mysterious friend and greet her too. It’s not her fault she was unwittingly involved in this love triangle.

I sit down with them in silence as Beatrix heads inside to make my drink. I hope she won’t be long; every second is excruciating.

‘So, how’ve you been?’ asks Abe, finally.

‘Yeah, good. I don’t know if Beatrix told you, but it looks like a stall is coming up, so I’ve been busy getting stuff ready. You know, in case I’m lucky enough to get it.’

‘She did tell me. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you. I know how much you want it.’

‘Yeah…’

‘And here she is,’ says Abe, looking at Beatrix as she carries the hot chocolate with cream overflowing from the top threatening to spill over.

‘Thanks, looks lovely.’

‘Sandy, have you met Johanna before?’ says Beatrix.

So, her name is Johanna.

‘No, I don’t think so.’

‘Abe, you’re terrible for introducing people,’ says Beatrix, rolling her eyes at Abe.

‘Sorry.’ Abe shrugs his shoulders.

‘Sandy, since my brother is so bad at introductions, I’ll do it. This is the amazing Johanna.’

‘Good to meet you, amazing Johanna,’ I manage.

‘Johanna does a lot of work for a local dog rescue. In fact, we are joining forces and doing a rescue day here next week. We’re just planning the last details. I love that Johanna dedicates her life to finding lovely homes for shelter dogs, and we want to be a part of it.’

‘Well, now I can see why you call her amazing. That’s great.’ How am I supposed to compete with a saint like Johanna? No wonder Abe was so keen to give his phone number to her!

‘Ah, it’s not just me that can take all the thanks. My wife started the shelter before we met, and she did all the groundwork,’ says Johanna.

Her wife?

‘We arranged the date for next Saturday. Maybe you can join us? Let’s hope we can get lots of people in on the weekend,’ says Abe.

Arranged the date? Could it be that I have got it all wrong? He did try to explain that Camilla was just lonely and there was nothing going on. I jumped to conclusions then, too.

I feel the blood drain from my face. I had thought that because Abe is so fun-loving, he didn’t take our relationship as seriously as I was beginning to. How could I have presumed such a thing, just from overhearing a conversation in a cafe?

Johanna’s dog starts getting excited as a woman approaches the table and my hot chocolate almost tips over with all the excitement.

‘Oh, here’s my wife now. This is Famke.’

‘Hi,’ she says.

I want the ground to open up and swallow me. I don’t think I have ever got a situation so wrong in my life.

I can’t look at anyone. I am so embarrassed for thinking that Johanna liked Abe and that something was going on between them. I can’t even speak, and drain what is left of my hot chocolate and make an excuse to leave.

‘Well, thanks for the hot chocolate. I guess I’d better get going to the supermarket, otherwise there won’t be any of my favourite bread left on the shelves. I’ll see you around then.’

‘Yup. See you around,’ says Abe.

I stroke Ted goodbye and pick up my bike and ride away, feeling like the most mighty idiot on earth.

How could I possibly sabotage something so good because I assumed the worst?

I didn’t even speak to him about my suspicions when, if I had, he could have told me all along about the dog shelter and why he was giving this wonderful woman his number.

How could I misjudge something so badly?

He has already told me once that I need to speak to him about things and not assume stuff.

As I walk around the supermarket in a subdued daze, I wonder how I can possibly put things right.

Is it really over? Or can he somehow forgive me for being such a fool?

But as I think about wearing my heart on my sleeve and telling him about the ridiculous assumptions I’ve made, I realise that would mean admitting how silly I’ve been.

The thought of telling him how wrong I was is mortifying.