Page 31 of A New Life in Amsterdam

After I have been to Dam Square in the morning and dropped off the parcels with the miniature felt cavapoos bound for the UK, I head back home to finish off one last felt dog. This one is the most special of all.

I have been working on it for a few weeks, making sure that it is as perfect as it can be and that it is identical to the real thing. I glue the eyes on and tweak the mouth, pushing more felt in around the face until I am completely happy with it.

By late afternoon, it is just right. Even I am astonished at the likeness.

I carefully place the dog to one side. Then, I get myself ready to pop round to Abe’s with my answer about that date.

I already have butterflies in my tummy as I imagine his response to me finally agreeing to go out.

I wait until I know he will be home from work and, as the darkness descends, I walk the few steps to Abe’s, with the dog carefully encased in my hand.

I knock on the door, taking care not to drop the little felt dog, and smile at the thought of Abe seeing what I have made for him.

I’m sure he’ll agree that it looks exactly like Ted.

As I walked over here, I pictured Abe’s face when he opens the door.

However, when the door springs open, Camilla is standing there!

‘Yes, hello,’ she says, giving me one of her steely glares.

‘Oh, um, I was looking for Abe. Did I come at a bad time?’

I hear Abe’s voice behind her, and he comes to the door.

‘Sorry, I was in the bathroom.’

‘No problem. I, umm, just came to give you this.’

I hand over the dog and Abe strokes it in his hand.

‘Wow, this is amazing. Is this Ted? It looks just like him.’

Camilla is still standing beside Abe, and it doesn’t look as though she is going to let me talk to him alone.

‘Well, I’ll, um, leave you to it then.’

‘See you. Thanks again.’

I hear Camilla and Abe speaking in Dutch behind the door but my language skills aren’t quite good enough yet to understand what they are saying.

Thank goodness I hadn’t given him an answer to the date yet. I knew Camilla was hanging around and I should have listened to my head rather than my heart. I was right to be cautious. Anything could be going on between the two of them.

I hadn’t expected to be back home so quickly, and when I walk in, I realise just how cold it is. The temperature isn’t much better than outside. The heating is struggling now. I throw my jacket off and put a cosy onesie on to stay warm. I need comfort and cwtches right now.

Then I pour myself a glass of wine and try to relax with a book, which is proving difficult.

My mind keeps wandering and I can’t stop thinking about how I missed something so obvious with Abe.

He is so bohemian and cool. Of course Camilla likes him.

I never even asked what the relationship was between them.

Perhaps he is not the monogamous type and thinks nothing of dating Camilla while trying to woo me.

I suppose I have also played hard to get, so what if this is all just a playful challenge for him?

If there is one person that I need to speak to right now it’s Debbie. She met Abe and Camilla and will tell me straight out what she thinks. It will be lovely to hear her voice too. I dial her number and desperately hope she picks up.

‘Hey, you. How’s fabulous Amsterdam? I’m already missing the waffles,’ she says.

I try my hardest to keep my chin up and sound cheery.

‘Yeah, all fabulous. I went to the Sunday market yesterday. There are so many great stalls there, so yeah, all good.’

‘Are you sure? You sound a bit down.’

As much as I try not to, I can’t help but burst into tears as I hear the concern in her voice.

‘Oh, it’s so silly. I’m getting homesick again. I missed you when you left, then I felt a bit better after going out to the market and now… I don’t know what’s wrong with me. The thing is that I knocked on Abe’s door and Camilla answered and now I feel so stupid.’

‘What do you mean, she answered the door?’

I explain and am surprised when Debbie is so supportive.

‘Just because she was there and he was in the bathroom doesn’t mean she’s dating him. I mean, he’s all over you in front of her. I don’t think he’d be like that if anything was going on. She seems quite pushy with him; she’s probably made some excuse to go over there.’

‘Yeah, but answering his door?’

‘She may have seen you approach and is trying to frighten you off. I didn’t get the impression anything was going on when I saw them together. All I see is someone trying hard to chase him. It’s embarrassing, if anything.’

‘Yes, but I don’t know for sure. I need to be cautious. I’m just glad nothing happened between us.’

‘Well, like I said, you don’t need anyone anyway.

Look, why don’t you come back to Wales for a few days?

Have a look at the house before the contracts are exchanged?

Maybe you’d get your fix of home and not miss it so much.

It takes time to settle in somewhere new, no matter how wonderful the place is. ’

‘Thanks, Debbie. I’ll think about it. Oh, I don’t know, it seems to come in waves. One minute I am over the moon being here, then I start missing home and, well, it’s mostly you I miss really.’

‘That’s perfectly normal. You went over there on a whim and now the honeymoon phase is probably starting to wear off. I’m not going to twist your arm, but if you want to come over and stay with us, well, it would be lovely to see you.’

‘I appreciate it. I’m just not sure. I promised myself that I’d said my goodbyes, and there’s still so much to do on the boat.

The registration is due to come any day for the new name and then I can get that painted on.

I guess I need to focus on the things I should be doing here and crack on with it.

You’re right; I suppose it’s just normal to have these unsettled moments when I’m in a new place, especially when Camilla seems to hate my guts. ’

‘Oh, ignore her. Of course it’s all natural. Maybe in the summer, when you’re settled completely and after all the work is finished, you can take a break and come and stay next year.’

‘That sounds like a good idea. I think I need more time to settle, or I may not want to come back. Thanks, Debbie. You’re a great friend. Anyway, how has Nigel been since you got back?’

‘Do you know, he’s been so much more appreciative of me – and me of him.’

‘I’m glad to hear you’re back on track, yet here I am complaining and on a downer. I need to get on with completing my life goals and stop moaning. It’s just one of those days, or weeks.’

‘Everyone has them. It’s easy to complain. We just take things for granted. I mean, how excited were you about living on a houseboat, and now you live on one, perhaps the novelty is wearing off slightly.’

‘I wouldn’t say it’s wearing off – I do love life on a houseboat. I guess it’s just my social circle and those little teething troubles. I’m sure everything will be fine. It’s a silly blip.’

However, as I try to perk myself up again, I hear a big clonking noise coming from the boiler.

That will be because it is working to keep up with the colder weather, I tell myself as I try to ignore it.

It reminds me that I still haven’t chased up Abe for the number of the boiler guy.

However, instead of worrying about the boiler, I go online and have a last look at the estate agent’s listing for my old house.

The buyers want to exchange contracts next week.

I look at the advert saying ‘Under Offer’ and for some reason, seeing it on there, knowing that I will no longer be the owner, makes me burst into tears again.

There are so many memories in that house.

This is the final moment. Now there really is no going back.

I let myself feel sad for a moment and then, as I always do, tell myself not to dwell on it. Nothing is going to change by feeling down about saying goodbye to the family home once and for all; besides, I have so much to be grateful for.

It’s a new start with my first Dutch class tonight. If I want to reach my goals of having a stall at the market and meeting new people, then I must get on with my language lessons.

In a large classroom with white desks and plastic chairs, I introduce myself as I sit beside a young Spanish student.

The native Dutch teacher doesn’t seem to have much time for frivolities and gets straight to the point.

She is almost on the verge of scary, but I know that if I want to learn this language, it is not about sitting here making friends and having coffee breaks. This is about getting serious.

We chant words out loud, answer each other’s questions and it is full-on from the outset. I am grateful that I picked up those books to learn a few basic words, or I would probably start to panic.

‘Hoe gaat het met jou? How are you?’ I repeat to the class.

I can do this. I know I can.

‘Alstublieft,’ I say out loud. How can ‘please’ sound so different in Dutch?

By the time the intensive class is over, my head is a jumbled mix of Dutch words, and I am relieved that it is done for the night.

Nothing ever came from taking the easy route.

I’ll get back to my books in the morning and look at the workbooks that the language teacher has given us to complete by next week.

It is a relief when my head hits the pillow.

However, I wake up at three thirty a.m. to the biggest clonking noise and realise that the boiler has got a lot worse overnight.

I finally fall asleep and wake up again at eight a.m., but I can feel something is drastically wrong.

The timed heating hasn’t come on and it is freezing, even under my thick duvet.

My nose is cold, and my cheeks are red as I go to the old engine room and check out the diesel-generated boiler.

A gauge sits in the red zone, and I realise that I have no idea what is wrong, but I do know that the boiler is no longer working.

It seems that on one of the coldest days of the year so far, the boiler has packed up.

I put my head in my hands, remembering Nigel’s words once again.

B.O.A.T. Bring Out Another Thousand. How many thousands will this set me back?