Page 30 of A Lord in Want of a Wife (Daring Debutantes #2)

And she could, her eyes closing as she remembered him in the sails. Him behind her in his bed. Him with his hands on her breasts and his body surrounding hers. How he’d made her body sing.

How she wanted to feel it again.

She reached for the ties to her stays. She could undress herself as easily as he did. She could—

‘No.’

‘What?’

‘I cannot touch you like that and stop. I cannot…’

‘I want it.’

He released a long shuddering breath. ‘I get to choose, too. I will not ruin you.’

‘But—’

He cut off her words with a kiss. He cupped her face, he teased the roof of her mouth, and then—

He swept her up in his arms. She gasped and clutched his arms, anchoring herself to him as he set her down in the berth. There was room there for them both, but he did not set her longwise. And he kept her face forwards while he gently set her down.

‘Cedric—’ she began, but he shook his head. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to say anyway, so she fell silent as he knelt before her.

‘We can do this,’ he said, his voice tense.

She didn’t know what he meant, but she didn’t care. In this, he knew what he was about. And she was his willing partner.

His hands skimmed down her legs, quickly cupping her feet before inching his way up her calves. She wore stockings and slippers, but they might as well not have been there for the heat she felt at his touch. Strong fingers, large hands and the mesmerizing squeeze as he steadily rose up her legs.

Her knees fell open and her toes curled. Then the cool air hit her thighs as her skirt bunched over his arms. Would he touch her there again? That spot between her thighs?

‘Have you explored on your own? Have you touched yourself?’

He held her gaze as he asked, and she couldn’t imagine lying to him for all that it made her cheeks flush.

‘Yes,’ she said, her voice hoarse.

‘And did you think about me?’

‘Oh yes.’

He grinned. His hands rolled over the top of her thighs and his elbows slid between her knees, pressing them open. Her skirt sat well above her knees, and he took his time rolling it even higher until her intimate place was fully exposed.

He teased his fingers across the skin above her stockings. He let his thumbs trail across her mound. And while he was still grinning at her, he let his fingers delve into places she had only begun to explore.

‘It is better with you,’ she said.

‘Don’t forget that,’ he said, pride in his tone.

And then, to her great pleasure, he thrust a thumb inside her. In it pressed, thick and sweet. She groaned to feel it, her back arching. It wasn’t her most sensitive place. She had learned that spot well. But this was good, and she loved it.

‘You like that,’ he said.

‘Don’t preen.’

‘I’m appreciating.’

His other thumb joined the first, pushing in, widening even as she squeezed.

‘Ah,’ he said happily. ‘You are strong.’

She squeezed him again, and he responded by stroking his thumbs upwards. He separated her folds, he pushed upwards, and then he rolled across that sensitive place.

Sensation shot through her body. She arched off the berth, her head thrown back.

‘Pinch your nipples,’ he said, his voice rough.

Her breasts were flattened beneath shift and stays, but she knew how to please him. While she held his gaze, she pulled her breasts out, showing them to him while she moved them in a way she liked.

And he liked.

His eyes grew dark, and he licked his lips. She pretended his mouth was on her breasts, sucking as he once had. And while lightning shot through her body from breast to womb, he stroked her nub. Her belly clenched, her legs trembled, and her muscles tightened around…around…his fingers?

She hadn’t the awareness to understand what he was doing. Two fingers? Three? Pushed inside her, stretching her while she undulated above him.

So close.

So exquisite.

And then he stopped. She strained forwards, but his hands were on her thighs. She couldn’t move where she wanted. She couldn’t force him to continue.

Her hands fell away from her chest. She gripped the mattress as she strained forwards, but he held her off. He held her still, and she nearly sobbed as the tension hovered, hovered, and then began to fade.

What was he doing? Why—

He pressed a kiss to her knee. And then another to the top of her stocking on her inner thigh. She was so open, so hungry that there was room for him there. Room for him to trace his tongue higher.

Further.

There.

His tongue pushed in where his fingers had been.

She didn’t know what to think. The act was so intimate, so different, she couldn’t at first comprehend it. But then she lost herself to the sensations.

He tasted her everywhere. He held her open as he explored her. Fingers, tongue. Sweet heaven, he was everywhere.

She lost track of what was his tongue, what were his fingers. She lost herself to the feelings. And then he pressed upwards. He found her most sensitive place. He licked her while she gasped.

Her belly coiled even as her back arched. She wanted more, more, more of whatever he did. Strokes and presses while she cried out. His fingers spread her wider and he blew cool air across her swollen flesh.

He played her body until she lost all control of herself. He built the tension in her, then paused. He held her at the edge with a caress, a taste, a tease. She could not tumble over, she could not get what she wanted, and he clearly loved the game.

‘Cedric,’ she gasped. ‘Cedric!’

He didn’t answer. Or if he did, she couldn’t hear it over her own whimpers.

And then he paused again. He waited as her breath eased enough for her to whisper.

‘Please.’

‘Always.’

Then he opened her with his thumbs, pressed his lips to her flesh, and sucked.

Sensation.

Lighting.

Yes!

The waves crashed over her. Release burst through her, saturating her body with bliss. And all through it, she knew he was watching her. She knew he was pleasured by the sight of her ecstasy. And if she missed it, she was reminded as he pressed kiss after kiss to her thighs.

Tiny presses of his lips while she lay boneless and open on the settee. Whispers of words she couldn’t hear against her skin while she remained spread before him like a banquet.

Until he stopped.

She felt him pull back. She watched as he used his handkerchief to clean them both. And then he rocked back on his heels as he gently pulled her knees together.

‘Remember me,’ he said. Then he flashed her an expression filled with regret. ‘Forgive me.’

She frowned, straightening her clothing as she pushed herself upright. But it was too late. He was already backing away.

‘Cedric?’

‘I’ll understand,’ he whispered.

‘What?’

‘I’ll understand if you don’t wait for me. Your father is right. You are young.’

She grabbed his shoulders, turning him to face her. ‘I know my own mind.’

He wasn’t listening. ‘I will return, I swear it. I’ll come back with a full cargo and enough coin to make you proud.’

She touched his cheek. ‘What if I am already proud of you?’

He smiled as if she had just gifted him with life itself. ‘That’s why I need you,’ he said. He pressed a kiss to her lips, then abruptly left the room. He waited for her up top, his gaze fixed outwards to India and China. And when she came up to speak to him, he shook his head.

‘There is a hackney waiting for you. Do you see it? It will see you safely home.’

‘But—’

‘Do not ask me to break my honour, Lucy. It is the only thing I have left.’

She looked at him, knowing now that the risk she wanted to take was not in bringing him to her bed. That was a thing of pleasure and joy. The risk she must do was to speak her heart.

‘You are abandoning me,’ she said quietly. ‘It doesn’t matter why you are going. I feel abandoned.’ Just as she had when Grace left her to become a navigator. When Ah-Lan left her to learn his trade in China. And now, again, when she remained behind while he left.

He looked stricken. His jaw went slack as horror crossed his face. But even though she’d bared her heart to him, she could not change his mind.

‘I want to become worthy of you,’ he said as he touched her face.

‘You are—’

‘I must prove myself, Lu-Jing.’ He flipped around to look back at London. ‘I have failed so many times. Don’t you see everything at stake here? My sisters’ dowries, my investors, the Prince Regent! I cannot disappoint them. I can barely look at myself in the mirror without recounting my failures.’

‘Count your successes instead. You found work for your brother-in-law. The first children’s book is out and doing well.’ She had purchased a copy herself and thought it wonderful. ‘You found investors who believe in you enough to give you their coin. What is that but a myriad of success?’

He nodded, but his gaze did not return to her face.

‘One more, Lu-Jing. One more success and I shall return to you. If you are still unattached, I will drop to my knees before you, I will shower you with treasure and I will marry you.’ He turned to look at her.

‘I will do this. But I will not say I love you until I can feel worthy enough to stand by your side as your husband.’ She sighed.

There was no changing his mind. Not without breaking him.

Three days later, he left with their full cargo. He meant to seek a market along the way in Africa or India. Then he would fill the hold on the return trip with the tea so loved by the English.

While she remained behind to silently fume.

For nineteen very long months.