Page 29 of A Lord in Want of a Wife (Daring Debutantes #2)

L ucy had never felt happier. She had work thoughts to occupy her mind and Cedric to hash them out with at tea.

She had the excitement of commerce without the fear that had dogged her night and day in China.

And, at times, she had sweet moments of laughter when Cedric met her eyes over a shared moment.

It never mattered what they were sharing. They connected over victories and disappointments alike. The moment their gazes locked together, she would feel an electric charge shoot through her body. Her breath would catch, her skin would prickle and need would bloom in her womb.

It was passion, romantic desire, or maybe it was simple bodies in proximity. But every time she won his smile, she felt her world brighten. And every time he relaxed in her presence, showing her either happiness or frustration, she felt the burden of anger ease inside her.

He was no longer the moody companion she’d met on The Integrity . Neither was he the angry, frightened man who had pursued her sister. This Cedric was a man of singular focus. He wanted to make their next shipment a financial windfall, and he worked tirelessly to see it accomplished.

So she worked with him instead of against him. And their time together was even better than their interludes aboard ship.

And yet the happier she became, the more she fantasised about that long-ago time.

She remembered their kisses in the moonlight.

She relived his touch in his cabin. And she pretended that they had not stopped.

That he had opened her completely and thrust inside.

That he had filled her as a man fills a woman because she could think of no one else who completed her so perfectly.

Their skills in commerce complemented each other. He charmed the investors. She calculated the money. And together they argued over the space in the cargo hold and the merits of each buyer or seller.

It was a complicated process as deeply stimulating as how he had opened her thighs and brought her to completion. And most nights, she found herself reliving one of their discussions while imagining his body between her thighs.

It was a tortured, twisted thought process that left her aching in a way that she couldn’t satisfy herself. She wanted him. She loved him.

And maybe it was time to have him.

She might never get the kind of marriage her sister had with the Duke. Cedric was not in a position to offer for her hand. Her father had said as much. And though she had forgiven his hurtful actions, her father had not.

So she was not destined to be Cedric’s bride, but she would have her moment of perfection with him nonetheless.

Because he had helped her find her confidence and her place in this world.

She was manager of The Integrity now, plus her father’s three other merchant ships.

And she wanted to share that with Cedric in the only way she could.

In her bed. Because she loved him.

And so she made her plan.

She arranged to see Cedric on the boat. The repairs were done, and the cargo nearly loaded.

Indeed, the ship was set to sail in three days.

And, because the opportunity had presented itself, she asked Captain Banakos to inspect a new ship her father was considering buying.

There wasn’t money for it at the moment, but it was a possibility for the future.

Which meant that the captain was nowhere near when she and Cedric took a last tour of The Integrity and its hold. They talked with the ease of long friends, laughing together when needed, and worrying together because so much depended upon what they’d done here.

Finally, she led him to the tiny room that had been his berth so long ago.

She noted the new mattress she had installed there, and then she looked in his eyes.

She could see by the sudden flare of his nostrils that he was remembering what they’d done here.

And when he shoved his hands into his pockets, she knew he wanted to touch her but was holding himself back.

All she need do was convince him that restraint was no longer necessary. And since she had never been coy once a thing was decided, she stretched up onto her toes and pressed her mouth to his.

He resisted. She could feel the tension in him neither giving in nor doing any of the things she dreamed about.

Then he set his hands on her waist. Oh, to feel him touch her again!

Inspired, she teased his lips with hers, and he met her tongue to tongue.

They played together, at the edge of his lips, penetrating neither one’s mouth.

And then, to her shock, he set her away from him.

‘Did you arrange for Captain Banakos to be away?’ he rasped. ‘And did you plan to be here without your chaperone?’

She smiled. ‘I did.’

‘So we can do this?’

‘Yes.’

‘Because you want it?’

‘Yes.’ She lifted her face to his. ‘I want it with you.’

‘Has your father changed his mind? May I marry you?’

She dropped back onto her heels and shook her head. ‘He was very angry at you.’

‘As well he should be. What I did was unforgiveable.’

True. Except… ‘I forgive you.’

She felt the impact of her words. His body tensed then released, and the shimmer in his eyes made her stroke his cheek.

‘You are not the man you were.’

He didn’t seem so sure of that. ‘I don’t want to hurt you ever again. If this venture doesn’t work…’ He gestured vaguely around them at the boat and their cargo.

‘Then you will find another way.’ All through this, his determination had never wavered. ‘But I don’t want to wait.’

‘Neither do I,’ he said, and she thought for a moment that they were of one mind in this. She thought he would take her to the new mattress, and she would feel all those things again. How she ached for him!

But he did not.

‘I must prove myself to you.’

He already had.

‘And to your father.’

She rolled her eyes. ‘I have lived without a father nearly all my life. What need have—’

He pressed his hand against her mouth, silencing her with a fierceness she didn’t expect.

‘Never say that again,’ he said, his expression gentle despite his harsh tone. ‘He is the best man I have ever met. He is the reason you are in England with a home, fine clothing and a dowry.’

‘I don’t have one yet,’ she said. ‘He won’t dower me until next Season.’ Resentment bubbled up inside her.

‘And…’ he said quietly, ‘I must prove to myself that I am worthy of you.’ He spoke with such severity, not directed at her, but at himself.

‘Isn’t that my decision?’ she pressed.

‘It is,’ he said. ‘But it is also mine.’

She stared at him, seeing that he was determined. She felt the heat of him pressed against her, and yet he still held himself back.

‘I have decided what I want,’ she said firmly. ‘I want you.’

‘Why? I have brought you nothing but pain.’

So many answers to that. Because he saw her, fought with her, and surrendered to her. Because he daily struggled to honour his family responsibilities at the cost of his own happiness. But in the end, there was only one answer.

‘Because I love you.’

He kissed her then with such fierceness that she became breathless. He thrust his tongue inside her, he stroked the inside of her mouth and he pulled her hard against his whole body. She felt his heat and his hunger, matching it with her own.

But that was all he did. He kissed her until she couldn’t breathe, and then he pulled away, dropping his forehead against hers as they breathed together.

‘I cannot say I love you,’ he finally whispered.

‘What?’

‘I cannot tell you that until I have proven myself. God, I wish you understood this. I want you.’ He ground himself against her as if she couldn’t feel how thick he was, how hungry they both were. ‘But you wouldn’t respect me if…’ He groaned. He couldn’t even say the words.

‘If you made love to me?’

He nodded. ‘I wouldn’t respect myself if I took your virginity now. And I don’t think I can stop myself.’ For proof, he slid his hands down her sides, his thumbs grazing across her breasts while she gasped in reaction. ‘I will not dishonour you,’ he said, his words harsh.

‘I don’t feel dishonoured,’ she snapped. ‘I feel…’ What? Frustrated. Hungry. And precious. What other man would deny himself when she stood there offering everything? No other man but Cedric. ‘You are so frustrating!’

‘I know,’ he said. ‘Believe me, I am feeling very annoyed with myself.’

His cock was hot against her pelvis, the pressure sweet as she pulled herself higher against him. He groaned at the feel, but no more than she. How did he set her blood on fire so quickly?

‘I decide,’ she whispered. ‘You do not make my choices for me.’

He looked in her eyes. Their gazes held for a long time, and she thought for a moment that he understood. But in the end, his expression turned fierce.

‘You decide for you, but I am part of this equation.’

‘Yes,’ she whispered. ‘Yes, you are.’

They were still standing face-to-face when she felt the buttons on the back of her gown slip apart.

His hands were clever as always, and soon her dress sagged then slipped off her shoulders.

But this was not China. She wore almost as much below her gown as above.

The dress slipped away, but beneath that she wore stays atop her shift.

He looked down, his gaze hot as he stroked his finger across her chest. He skated to the edge of her shift, teasing the ribbons there, but not pulling them.

‘I have dreams about your breasts,’ he murmured. ‘I remember how they feel in my hands. Your nipples enchant me.’ The edge of his thumbnail cut over the fabric to her tightened nipple. He scraped it there while her breath caught with every pass.

‘I think about your legs,’ she said. ‘I watched you climb the ratlines, the way your muscles bunched before you jumped from one to the other. The way you caught yourself, swinging while your shoulders hunched, and you pulled yourself up.’ She shook her head.

‘I watched you a thousand times. I can still see it.’