Page 23 of A Lord in Want of a Wife (Daring Debutantes #2)

L ondon was not what Lucy expected. No, it was better! The Chinese believed that nothing outside of the middle kingdom could ever compare to what the emperor had built. And so despite everything her father had said, she had low expectations. And how surprised she’d been!

The sheer press of bodies was the equal to Canton.

And the excitement that generated filled her with joy.

London was alive as every big city was, and she adored it.

Granted, she was coming to the city as the pampered daughter of a wealthy man, or so they pretended.

Therefore, she should be accepted everywhere, right?

She was not.

Her mixed race was stamped upon her face and sidelong glances followed her wherever she went. But that was nothing! Compared to the beatings she’d endured in China, sniffs of disdain meant nothing. She was finally off the boat, finally in London, and now she could step into her future.

Because she had coin if she wanted it, plenty of food and a soft bed on which to sleep. Life had never been so good for Lucy. Especially now that she had a secret goal.

She meant to learn everything she could about English customs. If she married Cedric, then she would have to learn what was expected of a countess. She must live as he would need her to live.

That was task one. Task two, as always, was to find the coin that he needed.

She would fill her dowry with as much money as she could manage.

Her father had already promised her all the money from the sales of the spice.

And so she worked with Captain Banakos to learn how that was accomplished in England.

Her father hired dancing instructors, paid for English clothing and found a woman to teach her and Grace how to act in England.

It was hard, especially when the maid was a sour, angry woman who delighted in chastising them.

But Lucy did the best she could given that she was not ‘out’ yet, as if any of the young English girls had done half the things she had in her life.

They hadn’t, but she was English now, according to her father, so she had to sit in itchy dresses, practice pianoforte as if she wanted to master a musical instrument and wait interminably for Grace to choose a husband.

It was maddening, and she was feeling the strain every second that she sat and stared at a city she could not venture out into. Her only relief was when Captain Banakos visited to explain what he’d done when selling her two boxes of spices.

Two weeks after docking in London, they received an invitation to return to the boat for a time.

The message came from Cedric, along with coins for a hackney, and directions to the ship.

Clearly, he did not mean to escort them.

And equally clear was the fact that he was inviting Grace, not Lucy.

But Lucy insisted she go along. After all, she was the savvy sister when it came to cities.

Grace had spent most of her childhood hiding from the glorious places she’d visited.

A boat was safety to her. Travelling through a busy city was intimidating.

And so Lucy got to go, as well as the nursemaid chaper one whose greatest joy seemed to be catching the foreigners in doing something un-English. Their father was occupied elsewhere and that was good. The fewer people who saw her reunion with Cedric, the better.

She couldn’t wait to see him again.

She wanted to show him what she and Captain Banakos had done with the sales of the spice he had so generously allowed them to store in his cabin. That money would soon be in her dowry, and she wanted to see his face when he saw the exorbitant sum.

She needed to show him that she had found her solution. Unfortunately, when they arrived at the boat, Cedric was not there. Grace, naturally, did what she always did. She changed into sailor’s clothes and lost herself among the sails. Which meant that Lucy could do exactly what she loved most.

She went below decks to the captain’s quarters to run through the accounts. And she too lost herself in the click-clack of the abacus beads and the steadily growing numbers of profit reported there.

They had done well with the spice sales.

She now possessed in her dowry more money than she had ever had in her life.

Surely Cedric would see that total and drop down on one knee before her this time.

And she would not dismiss him like her sister had.

She would happily take him into her arms, her bed, her life.

She didn’t hear when he arrived on the ship.

Captain Banakos was the one who told her after he finished giving a duke a tour.

And what was a duke doing looking at The Integrity ?

She had no idea except that she wanted to go on deck to find out, but her chaperone glared her back into place.

‘A lady does not seek out gentlemen. They come to her.’

Privately Lucy thought the woman was bitter because she couldn’t control Grace and now took out all her distemper on Lucy. But there was little she could do. She needed to learn English customs and so far, this sour woman was her best source.

So she stayed put. She worked on the account book. She pictured Cedric down on one knee before her. And she waited.

‘Who is this duke?’ she asked the captain, who had started working at a central table studying maps.

‘He’s Lord Domac’s cousin. I expect they’ve met your sister by now.’

Of course they had. And as always, Lucy was the afterthought, the one left to wait on someone else’s pleasure. In China, she had expected it. In England, she was beginning to tire of it, especially when Grace seemed to be able to do whatever she wanted.

She knew she shouldn’t be bitter. After all, it was thanks to Grace that she was here in the first place. If she’d stayed in China she would have no future at all. But it was so hard to be patient when Grace had every opportunity—every man—and Lucy had nothing but the account books.

What a child she was being, sulking when she was the luckiest girl alive. Or perhaps, the second luckiest after her sister. She returned to the safety of numbers. She scratched her sums in neat rows. And she waited.

Eventually, the captain went up to see what was happening. Lucy could hear men’s voices filtering down to her, but she couldn’t make out any words. Which meant she ended up sitting and waiting, which is all proper English girls seemed to do.

Thankfully—eventually—her patience was rewarded. She was making some final notations in the account book when Lord Domac finally, gloriously, knocked and entered.

‘There you are,’ he said, his voice so warm it sent tingles down her spine.

She turned immediately, her gaze eagerly scanning him. He looked leaner, if that was even possible, but his clothes looked fine, at least to her. It was the wariness in his eyes that made her pause.

‘What are you doing there?’ he asked, a teasing note in his voice. ‘Have you been counting all your money?’

‘I’m told that it is not polite to talk about money.’

‘Oh, it’s not,’ he said. He pulled out a chair and settled close enough to see what she was doing, but not near enough to touch her. ‘But between us, it is the most magical discussion of all.’

She smiled, knowing that this was her moment.

‘Well, as to that…’ she said, drawing out the excitement.

She opened up the account book to the appropriate page, her gesture expansive.

‘Look at that,’ she said, pointing. ‘That is how much father is putting in my dowry. I have never had so much in my life! And I know I can make more. It is only a matter of the right cargo, you see. And finding the right merchants to sell to here and along the way.’

He craned his neck to see while she waited for the shock and pleasure to come across his face.

It didn’t. If anything, his expression tightened down.

‘Most impressive,’ he said.

She stared at him. Those were the words she wanted to hear, but she could tell he was disappointed.

‘Isn’t that a large amount? In English money, I mean.’

‘It’s an extraordinary amount,’ he agreed, his tone flat.

‘But not enough for you.’

His expression turned rueful. ‘This boat is worth nearly ten thousand pounds. And you know what the sale of this cargo is worth.’

She did. It was a fraction of the boat, but several times what she had.

‘You need so much?’

‘Not me. I can survive on nothing. Have for much of my life.’ He exhaled slowly as if trying to control his emotions. ‘I have been home,’ he said. ‘I have seen the state of things there. And I have been to see my father. I—’ His voice choked off. ‘This is not polite talk, even between us.’

‘No,’ she said, her spine straightening. ‘But I am tired of being treated as a child. I will hear it all. Now.’

‘I have never thought you a child,’ he said. ‘And I have never lied to you. I told you we could not marry.’ He looked away, his expression infinitely sad. ‘I went home. I need to marry now.’

Her heart lodged painfully in her throat, but she pushed out the words anyway. ‘And this is not enough? What I have in my dowry—’

‘No, Lucy.’ Then he swallowed. ‘No, Miss Richards. I’m afraid we do not… We cannot…’ He sighed. ‘No.’

The finality in his voice hit her hard. There was no hope there, and a darkness had entered his eyes. She reached out a hand to comfort him, but he pulled back from her.

‘Never fear,’ he said, and she could tell that he was making an effort to be lighthearted. ‘You will meet all sorts of people now. And once you are out, every gentleman in London will clamor after you. But don’t be too quick to choose. I shall be loath to lose you.’

He winked at her as he spoke, a painful echo of when he had first tried to flirt with her. But now there was so much between them that the shallowness of the expression irritated her.

‘You cannot lose what you do not have.’ What he would not marry.

Pain flashed across his expression, but he quickly suppressed it.

Then he spoke quietly, in an undertone that was just for her.

‘I had hoped to have your help,’ he said.

‘As my sister-in-law. I have looked at the estate books. Thanks to you, I understood much of it, but I am sure you can point out more. You will see more.’

‘As your sister-in-law?’ she squeaked. ‘You still mean to marry Grace.’

He nodded. ‘I will treat her and you honourably,’ he said. ‘You will both have a good life with me. I swear it. For as long as you choose to remain by her side.’

As an unwed sister. As baggage attached to Grace’s side.

As someone who laboured over his wealth while her sister grew fat with his children.

Did he not see how demeaning that would be to her?

To toil while hidden away? She had hoped for better outside of China.

Indeed, he had been the one who gave her that dream because he saw her as a whole person.

‘My father has three other ships,’ she said, her voice and tone low. ‘He has already said I can look at their accounts, too.’

‘Of course, of course,’ Cedric said, nodding. ‘And I would never take you away from your father. But if you would like it, it would be an enormous help to me. I would be so grateful—’

‘If I helped with your affairs. To bring you some coin.’

‘I’m sure your sister would be pleased, too. Eventually, it would go to her children, you know.’

Grace and Cedric’s children.

‘Do you truly want this for me?’ she asked, stunned that he could say such a thing to her.

He looked into her eyes, and his expression fell. His eyes widened, and all his false cheer disappeared. Instead, she saw desperation and pain. Such awful pain that it verged on madness.

‘I have no other solution,’ he rasped.

‘I offer you everything,’ she said, her voice breaking on the words. ‘I love you.’

He jolted upright, awkwardly scrambling out of his chair. ‘Never say that again. Not to me. Not to yourself. Don’t even think it.’

Tears clouded her vision, but she refused to let them fall. ‘But you—’

‘No!’ He backed away, reaching behind him for the door.

Tears slipped down her cheeks. She couldn’t stop them now, but such was the price of understanding. He was not the man for her. No matter what she wanted, no matter how her body still ached for him. He was not for her.

She turned away. ‘I hope you and my sister will be very happy,’ she said.

‘Miss Richards,’ he said. Then he touched her arm. ‘Lucy, please. You knew from the beginning—’

‘I did,’ she said, interrupting him. ‘And now I understand.’ She turned to face him directly. ‘There is no true feeling inside you. Only greed for coin.’

He reared back as if struck. ‘That’s not true!’

It wasn’t true. She knew it wasn’t, but she was in pain, too. She’d offered him everything she had, everything she was, and it wasn’t enough. She wasn’t enough.

So she twisted him in her mind. She changed what she believed about him so the future would not destroy her soul. He was a monster, she told herself. One lost to greed.

She straightened out of her chair, facing him as directly as she could. She did not offer him her hand. It was trembling too much.

‘Good day, Lord Domac. I hope I never see you again.’

He stiffened as if she’d slapped him. And maybe she had. She saw the hurt in his eyes, but also saw a dawning understanding.

‘I have hurt you,’ he said.

She shook her head. ‘You have shown me your true colours. Money will always rule you.’ Then she turned her back on him.

‘Lucy,’ he whispered, her name filled with anguish. She kept her back straight, refusing to look at him. If she did, she might break. She might run to him and beg him to reconsider.

She stood still, unwilling to move.

A moment later, she heard him sigh. There was a rustle of fabric as he probably bowed to her. A ridiculous nod to propriety, given the very improper things they had done together. She didn’t turn to see. And a moment later, she heard him leave the room.

She waited longer, still fighting the tears. No matter what he felt, she knew that this was a true ending between them. And she was satisfied with that result.

For an hour. Maybe as much as two.

And then she changed her mind.

An hour later, she changed it again.

Indeed, she descended into a madness born of anger, loneliness and despair.

Cedric pursued her sister with intent. Lucy found ways to sabotage it.

She tortured him on a walk in Hyde Park. She disparaged him in whispered secrets at night with Grace. And she watched with excitement as Grace began to fall in love with someone else.

Grace wanted Declan, the man who was the Duke of Byrning. It was added spice that he was Cedric’s cousin.