Page 44 of A Cock and Bull Story

Jude lets out a strangled choke; Arthur and Theo wear identical looks of shock, but Jack—Jack just tips back his head and laughs.

“Love, I don't think you're trying that hard not to be an addict.”

I scowl.

“Don't you judge me because I let you touch my asshole up in the bell tower!”

Jude starts to choke even more.

“Dude, swallow,” I tell him as he regains his composure and glares at me. “Also, that’s what he said.”

No one laughs at my joke.

If possible, Jude frowns even more.

“You're in a lot of troubleanda lot of danger,” he snaps.

“Well, no shit, Sherlock—I’ve got problems out the wazoo!”

They all stare at me blankly, and I realize this has been our problem all along—these fucking idioms have screwed me over—pun intended.

Instead of joining Sexaholics Anonymous, I’ve, apparently, joinedShifter'sAnonymous. I can barely even compute that in my brain. Shifters—actual honest-to-God people who turn into animals—exist, and they have a help group.

“Quick!” I say, throwing my hands. “What came first—the chicken or the egg?”

Arthur stares in confusion, “I. . . I don't know. The chicken?”

“But a chicken has to come from an egg,” I argue.

“What does this have to do with anything?” Theo wonders.

“Are you guys humans or animals?” I rephrase the question. “Or are you animals who are humans?”

Jude strokes his chin.

“That's an interesting query. I've never thought about it from that perspective. I'd say that we're humans that can become animals because we're not completely mindless,” he finally decides.

“Dude, whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep at night,” I joke. “The bigger question is how could you guys have gone this long without figuring it out?!”

Jude gives me a piercing look.

“How couldyouhave gone this long without figuring it out?”

Jack speaks up.

“Cut her some slack. She’s. . . not that observant.”

I glower darkly at him.

“What's that supposed to mean?!” I demand.

Like I'm stupid or something.

Theo winces at me.

“I sent you a picture of my fish. . .” he trails off—like that was an obvious connection to him turning INTO A FUCKING FISH.

I give the blond man a look right back.