Page 6

Chapter 6

Dyre

I wrestled with Sunny for control.

I agree with you, you idiot, I silently seethed, but this isn’t the way to go about it. Hasumi just died for fuck’s sake. And we haven’t properly explained anything to Elijah. He probably thinks we’re insane!

I got the distinct mental harrumph of displeasure the wraith sent my way, loud and clear. More talking? That is all you mortals ever want to do with your limited existence—waste it talking. What is there to say? The angel is ours. We created him. It is our magic that gives him life. And he has already indicated that he wants us. I can taste the desire on his lips. We should be glorying in the physical delights a corporeal body makes possible.

I mentally rolled my eyes. It was quite the feat, trying to carry on an argument with my internal monster while a soft set of chiseled lips clung to mine and Elijah’s bright aura engulfed us. Sunny, I swear to fuck if you don’t back off right now, I’ll make our combined life a living hell.

A mental snort. You already do that, witch. With your stupid talking. And your pointless and incessant thinking.

Sunny!

Fine. But if you make our angel cry, I will take over permanently, witch.

I didn’t think it was an empty threat. But Sunny did finally give me back control of my damned body. I relaxed my grip on Elijah’s soft golden hair and reluctantly pulled back, putting some space between me and the glowing warmth of him. His bright blue eyes met mine, and he stared up at me in shock. And I could feel the tangled emotions coursing beneath the surface, thanks to the maker’s bond between us.

“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice coming out rough. I cleared my throat and grimaced. “Sunny got carried away. As usual.”

Elijah just blinked at me. Shit. Maybe the emotional rollercoaster of a day had damaged his soul link to his body or something. I quietly felt along the magic ties anchoring him to his new body. And to me. But everything seemed fine.

More than fine, actually. The spell I’d used to create the revenant I was currently straddling hummed along stronger than ever before. As if it fed off our romantic connection.

“Panic attack over?” Ambrose said, a wry tone in his voice. I had forgotten he was even there, for a moment. I watched him warily as he reached past my arm to pat Elijah on the shoulder. But he didn’t seem angry.

Elijah’s throat worked for a bit before he replied. “Uh. Yes, I suppose it is.” He studied Ambrose’s face as if it held the mysteries of the universe. Then he frowned. He opened his mouth to say something more, but Ambrose cut him off, sliding a sly but tired look between us.

“It looks like you two need a moment to talk. I’ll just go see if Niamh needs any help with the snacks.”

Then my strange… boyfriend—though the word still seemed so bizarre in my head—vanished in a swirl of shadows. Leaving me still hovering over a very confused and disheveled Elijah.

I sucked in a breath and went to stand up, but Elijah moved quickly, slapping a hand over mine, pinning it where it still rested over his heart. “Was it only Sunshine?” he said, the words tumbling out of him like he just couldn’t help it.

I tilted my head, trying to figure out what that strange expression on his face and the jumble of emotions I sensed through our bond all meant. “Was what only Sunshine?” I asked stupidly.

Elijah licked his lips, and my gaze was automatically drawn there. I was such a monster. My heart still ached with Hasumi’s loss—something I still hadn’t fully accepted—and yet, here I was wanting to kiss the angel again. What was wrong with me?

“This,” Elijah said, bringing me back to his question. “Us. That kiss ,” he said, a rare hint of impatience showing through his usual angelic patience. “Was that all Sunny? Or… was it you?”

I sighed. The motion felt foolish, but I acted before I could give it too much thought, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Elijah’s forehead. “I started it. Sunny just got a little pushy when he realized I was finally done being a stubborn asshole.”

I pulled away from Elijah so I could stop hovering over the man and sit next to him on the couch. Awkwardness wanted to creep in, stealing my confidence and my fragile belief that it was okay to want things… to want this . And to expect my feelings to actually be reciprocated. I shoved the old habit away and pretended like I knew what I was doing.

Elijah sighed and ran a hand through his shiny, tumbled golden waves. “But you said you weren’t interested. You said it was just the bond making me feel things I shouldn’t. And…” He dropped his hand and met my eyes, his blue gaze filled with anguish. “I’m just a walking corpse to you. A revenant. Just another shambling, undead thing your magic created.”

I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest, pissed off with myself for lying to him. For ever making him doubt his own worth. Goddess, it wasn’t just me who was hurt by my lack of faith in myself. And I was determined to finally end that nonsense right now.

Bracing myself for rejection, I took his warm hand in my corpse-cold one. “First of all,” I reminded him with a wry grimace, “It’s a tossup which one of us is really most alive. The revenant, or the witch who only lives because of the dark magic and chaotic whims of a wraith.” I sighed and squeezed his hand, trying to find the right words to make him understand.

Elijah simply waited, as patient and gentle as always.

“My turning you away had nothing to do with you,” I said truthfully. “I’m an insecure, silly mortal—a fact that Sunny reminds me of daily. And I let my own insecurities get the best of me.” I faltered, groaning at my own awkwardness. Then I soldiered on.

“Damn it, I thought I wasn’t good enough for you, Elijah.” I shook my head. “I still don’t think I am. But it isn’t the stupid bond that makes me want you. And if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t think the bond could create feelings that aren’t real. Amplify them, maybe. Or distort them into something twisted if I really put my mind and my magic to it….” I shook my head. “But I’d never do that to you. So, I can’t hide behind the maker’s bond as an excuse any longer.”

I stopped to catch my breath, knowing I was saying everything all wrong, but somehow unable to keep from yammering.

Elijah’s thumb traced over the back of my hand, and I watched as it traveled over my knobby knuckles and visible blue veins. “Why now?” he asked quietly. “What changed your mind?”

And there was the pain again, churning inside me, sharp as broken glass.

“Hasumi,” I said, my voice wavering idiotically.

Elijah’s pale brows rose for a second, but then he nodded. “Of course. Losing someone often makes people realize that time is limited. I know a bit about regret, about not saying and doing all you can while you have the chance.”

I shook my head. “No. Well, yes. There is that. But I meant before… well, before today.” I ran my free hand over the back of my neck, knowing I’d be beet red, if I had the blood and warmth to blush. “Hasumi was very adamant that I was being stupid where you were concerned and that I should just get over it and accept that it is apparently possible for others—besides Andy and Ambrose—to love a repulsive monster like me.”

I froze when a warm hand cupped my cheek, forcing me to stop rambling and look into those captivatingly bright blue eyes.

“You’re not a monster, Dyre. I’ve never seen a monster when I look at you,” he said earnestly. “I see a man who has been through horrors many can’t even imagine, and who despite all of that carries himself with power and grace. I see a man who has every reason to be cruel, and cold, and selfish, but who instead uses his cleverness and all his skills and power to help and protect his newfound family, even when he doesn’t think he’s worthy of their love.”

He smiled, sweet and sad at the same time. “I see a man who doesn’t realize how beautiful, and strong, and uniquely compelling he really is.” He shrugged one shoulder, his gaze never leaving mine. “I’ve always seen you, Dyre. I just never thought it would even be a possibility to do anything but admire you from a distance. Until you gave me a body. Now I’m an abomination with the desire for more.”

I blinked rapidly, fighting the moronic urge to cry. “You say you don’t see a monster when you look at me. But I don’t see an abomination when I look at you,” I told him adamantly. “I don’t see a creation, or a walking corpse the way you seem to think. I see a person—one who is unfailingly good . Who saved us all when we were trapped in that book, simply by keeping hope alive and seeking out a Lovell who wasn’t like the others. By having the capacity to trust her, even after you had been so used and betrayed.” I shook my head, unable to accurately relay everything I saw in him. “When I look at you, I see light , Elijah. And not because you’re a literal angel. It’s because of who you are. I see someone so empathetic and understanding and fucking patient with all of us. How could I ever look at you and see anything but the amazing man you are? Ghost or alive. Revenant or whatever else you want to call yourself… you are nothing short of amazing, Elijah. I’d have to be blind and brain dead to not see that.

Elijah laughed. The deep, rich sound was like music, filling the cold, empty spaces inside and around me. I was a complete sap. How could a simple laugh make me feel like this? Goddess help me, save me from turning into some lovesick twat who sits in his room writing poetry all day.

Sunshine’s dark chuckle rippled through my mind. Too late.

“Oh, shut up,” I muttered, earning a weird look from Elijah. “Not you. The wraith.”

Elijah just chuckled again. “Let me guess; Sunny thinks we’re both silly mortals for having ridiculous doubts and fears.”

I sighed. “At the very least. He wanted to fuck you the second you had a body. Who knew ancient evil entities were so obsessed with sex?”

The angel gave me a lopsided smirk that would have looked more at home on a devil. “Poor Sunny.” He winked. “I know what it’s like to be trapped in an incorporeal form for a couple hundred years.”

I snorted a laugh, then we both slowly sobered, sitting in silence as the levity faded. I wasn’t sure what to say now. I had revealed my twisted heart to him, and he hadn’t run away screaming or voiced any understandable second thoughts. But the weight of loss was settling in again, reminding us both that it was probably the wrong time for emotional revelations or jokes about horny evil entities.

I am not evil. Anymore. You simply have some very limited mortal ideas about nebulous concepts like “right” and “wrong.”

Sure, I said silently. If you say so, wraith.

Thankfully, Ambrose and Niamh returned right about then with a tray of snacks and more tea.

“All sorted?” Ambrose asked as he passed around the food, not a single hint of judgement in his upper crust tone.

I met his red-and-black eyes and nodded, earning a slow, soft smile in return. I really was ridiculously blessed, for a possessed husk of a man.

I stayed on the couch with Elijah, our hands still linked, as the others settled in around us and conversation drifted to Hasumi. We had all formed fond memories of the water weaver in our short time together, and it felt right to relive them now. Among lovers and friends. Family.

My heart still ached at the loss of such a beautiful presence in my life. And at the thought of the potential relationship I hadn’t gotten to explore. But I was thankful to have known Hasumi at all. They—along with the others—had quite literally saved me from myself. Led me to know myself. And I would forever be grateful for that.

“To a bright soul who led us through dark times,” Elijah said at one point, holding up a tumbler of whiskey in toast. “May they rest in light and peace.”

No sooner had we finished the toast, than a wave of elemental magic filled the room.

Aahil materialized in a shower of sparks. His golden eyes flicked over me and Elijah, who was currently lying with his head in my lap and his long legs dangling over the end of the couch as I petted his hair.

The jinn’s eyes narrowed dangerously, but he turned away in the next instant, speaking to Niamh and Ambrose as if he hadn’t just been glaring at me with a look of pure hatred. Typical.

“Andy asked me to tell you all you’ve been summoned to the back courtyard,” he said, his silky voice full of disdain. “The dumb cat has something to say.”

Then, with one last sideways glance at me, he disappeared in a completely unnecessary shower of sparks. I ignored Sunny’s commentary on the possible reasons for the tiny terror’s glaring. Surely he wasn’t jealous of Elijah just because of that one weird passing encounter we’d had… Goddess. Maybe he wanted Elijah? Or maybe he had indigestion. Anything was possible, with Aahil.

“I wonder what River’s up to,” Ambrose said easily, as if our mourning hadn’t just been interrupted by the rudest messenger ever. “Shall we go see?”

Elijah heaved a put-upon sigh, but he eventually took Ambrose’s outstretched hand and let the boogey man pull him away from my lap and to his feet. I gave him an amused look, even though I also didn’t want to move from my warm place on the couch. With the angel.

Niamh rolled her eyes at us as she strode by. “Anything’s better than watching you bumble around with your harem of weirdos,” she muttered to me in passing.

My harem. Funny. I lifted my middle finger at her back, but I was pretty sure I saw her smile when she turned down the hallway.

My amusement faded as fast as it had come, as the reminder of Hasumi’s loss hit me yet again. How could everything be so right and so wrong all at once?

I will miss them as well, Sunshine commented in my mind. The water weaver made far more sense than the rest of you silly mortals. Even if they were too concerned with everyone else’s wellbeing.