Page 15

Chapter 15

Aahil

P athetic. I was absolutely pathetic. But the thought hardly held any weight for me anymore. I’d spent so much time feeling pathetic since I was imprisoned in the Bestiary. And after. The feeling had practically lost its ability to affect me.

Hasumi was gone. Vanished into the aether in one quick burst of magic. For a day or two there, I had been stupid enough to think maybe they had survived. Maybe they had simply dematerialized or turned into vapor to escape the spell and would reform before my eyes when I was least expecting it, alive and whole, and too beautiful for this world.

I was a fool. People died. Even nearly immortal elementals. It was a simple fact. And yet, I couldn’t seem to get past the pain that clung to me every waking moment of every day. As I sat there next to the annoying boogeyman who wouldn’t take a hint and leave me the fuck alone… the unwanted epiphany finally wormed its way inside me.

I couldn’t just get over it, because Hasumi hadn’t been just another elemental. Just an acquaintance or an occasional fun fuck. They had helped me from the moment they met me, back before I even knew what help was. Back before I admitted I wanted to live. And they had held me together recently, too. When the fucking O’Leary bastards nearly destroyed me. It was all because of Hasumi and Andy that I was even alive right now, and in control of my own mind and powers. But this pain was more than that.

I cared for Hasumi. Deeply. I… loved them. It turned out that was my problem. The reason I was falling apart once again. The thought washed through me, and my first instinct was to reject it. Ridiculous enough that I loved the witch. Loving and becoming attached to multiple people was just nonsense. Weakness.

But in the end, I was just too tired to fight it. Too tired of trying to keep all of my swirling emotions in check. So, I gave up. I gave in. I collapsed against the stupid boogeyman and let the feelings overwhelm me, crying so hard I feared there’d be nothing left of me but sand in the end.

The darkness of him was comforting. Like being embraced by the shadows. Welcomed and held by my own pain and despair. It was the oddest sensation. And yet, fitting somehow.

Sometimes I felt like there was nothing inside me but a never-ending well of darkness. But here was the one person who wouldn’t see that as a problem. And I cried even harder for that realization. For the knowledge that it wasn’t only Hasumi and Oleander I had come to care for. That it was sickeningly obvious now how much I cared for all of them. And how much it would hurt if I lost them.

The terror inside me wasn’t only because I feared losing myself and losing control of my powers. It was because I was afraid of going through this pain again if something happened to the others. I was afraid of this horribly vulnerability that came with affection and love.

I cried until I was utterly spent. Then the embarrassment started to creep in. This was not the way an ancient fire elemental was supposed to act. I was supposed to be fury. Seduction. Heat. Enticement. Not… this soggy puddle I had become. I straightened, lifting my chin. I was stronger than this.

“There he is,” Ambrose said, his deep voice full of an annoying amount of cheer. A boogeyman should be broody. Not so… impish. “Feeling better now?”

I scoffed and tried to scoot away, but he didn’t remove his arm from around my shoulders. “Unhand me,” I said, trying to find my usual tone of command. My voice wobbled and fell flat. Damn it.

“Don’t worry,” the boogeyman said in that same stupidly easy-going tone of voice. Like this was all just a normal occurrence and nothing utterly embarrassing had occurred here. “I won’t tell anyone how cuddly you are.” He cocked his head as if considering something. “Though I think we could probably find a better place to cuddle, if you’d like? Somewhere less… dusty.” He nodded meaningfully at the room around us.

I ran a hand through my hair, brushing it back from my face. “Don’t be stupid. I don’t want cuddle with you.”

He just chuckled, And the deep, dark sound was oddly pleasing. “Mhm. My room or yours, firecracker?”

I made a disgusted face at him. “That is a horrid nickname. Never utter it again.”

“Mine then? Fine. See you there.” Then the annoying man winked at me and disappeared in a puff of whirling black shadows.

“Idiot,” I muttered under my breath. I lifted the hem of my baggy sweatshirt to wipe my damp cheeks, then scrubbed both hands over my face and growled in frustration.

Then I dematerialized and followed the stupid boogeyman.

My bare feet landed on an antique rug that covered most of the gleaming, intricately patterned hardwood. I had never seen the inside of Ambrose’s bedroom. I looked around, taking things in as I made a slow circuit of the room, running a finger over the perfectly polished wood of a fancy dresser similar to the one in my room, then sinking down to sit on his meticulously made-up bed. That was pretty much it. A dresser, the bed, a small bedside table, and a plain armchair. No knickknacks. No shiny decorations. “I like what you’ve done with the place,” I drawled. “Very… sparse. Boogeyman-chic?”

Ambrose didn’t seem offended. He just shrugged off his long black butler’s coat, making it disappear into the shadows somewhere. Then he went to a meticulously arranged drink tray on the dresser and got out a couple of glasses. He didn’t look at me as he poured the whiskey. “Sad, I know,” he said with a shrug. “But this is the first time I’ve ever even had a bedroom to speak of. I—like others of my kind, as far as I know—was always on the move. To avoid detection. Feed and move on. Endlessly. It was quite droll.” He turned and looked around the room, then shook his head, as if only now realizing how utterly boring it was. “I suppose I just don’t think about decorating.”

He crossed the room and held out one of the glasses to me. When I just arched a brow at him, he gave me a wry look. “I know it won’t last long, but maybe it will take the edge off your nerves for just a little while.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Nerves? What kind of idiotic nonsense are you going on about now?”

He just stared into my eyes with that annoying way he had, kind of like Hasumi had always done, but with more of a cocky smirk—like he knew exactly what I was feeling. What I was denying.

“I know you’re not comfortable with intimacy. You don’t have to be nervous around me, Aahil,” he said as he sank down to sit next to me. “But I get that this level of honesty and closeness is outside your comfort zone. So, drink up. And I’ll take a few more sips of all that fear that’s gathering around you again, hmm?”

I took the glass of liquor and tossed it back in one swallow, then set it aside. “Do you have to be so sappy?” I snapped. Then I yanked my sweatshirt off over my head and tossed it aside. I wasn’t wearing another shirt underneath. Turning toward him slightly, I leaned back on my hands and gave him a sultry look, letting a little bit of my seduction magic flow through me. Letting it quiet the stupid fear that I absolutely wasn’t feeling right now. “We can just get to it,” I said in a bored tone. “You don’t have to woo me.”

He just… blinked at me. Sometimes that happened. Particularly if I turned up the magic a bit too much. But I was hardly accessing a trickle of it right now. So, he must just be captivated by my beauty. I ran a hand over my chest, drawing circles around my nipple rings, then downward, across my abs to the waistband of my joggers in a slow tease.

Ambrose suddenly sprang into motion, reaching out to grab my wrist. I tensed, then forced myself to relax. I wanted this. It was fine. I could let him toss me around a bit if that’s what he wanted. I had been regaining bits of my sexuality here and there—with Andy, Zhong… even inexplicably with the stupid necromancer. I could do this.

But the glow in Ambrose’s red eyes didn’t seem to be sparked by lust. He looked… angry. He set his glass of whiskey aside and turned back to me, pulling my hand away from my waistband and setting both our hands on his knee. “Aahil, no.”

I cocked my head at him, utterly confused. “No?”

He let out a long sigh and rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. “Gods and goddesses grant me patience.” Then those softly glowing red eyes met mine again. “No, Aahil. I did not bring you here so I could fuck you. I’m not… did you honestly think—what? That you need to pay me back for helping you deal with your darkness and grief?”

I glared at him and tried to snatch my hand back, but he held fast. Apparently, boogeymen were also stronger than they looked. “Of course not,” I bit out. Though, he wasn’t exactly wrong. Maybe I had thought that, subconsciously. I really was fucked up. I hated being used. So why would I turn myself into currency? “That would be stupid,” I muttered.

He arched a brow at me as if he could see the lie plain as day. “Oh? Then what was all this just now?”

I looked away. “It wasn’t only that. I just…” I groaned and flopped back to lie sideways across his meticulous bedcovers, the sudden urge swirling through me to mess up every neat thing in this barren room. Would that upset the man? Would anything ever ruffle him?

He was more like Hasumi than I wanted to admit. Both of them always so irritatingly contained!

He finally let go of my hand and I used both palms to cover my eyes so I might survive what I was about to say. “I thought… maybe it would be nice. To forget for a while. To feel something else.” Dropping my hands, I reminded myself that I was the fire. The desert sun on hot sand. Primal heat and passion. I had no reason to be embarrassed. Ridiculous. “But, oh well,” I said with as much disdain as I could muster. Your loss.”

He nudged the side of my thigh with his knee, and I looked over to find him silently laughing at me. “Move. Lay the right way.”

I heaved an exasperated sigh, but did as I was told, flopping down again the right way on the bed, my head on one of his surprisingly nice pillows. “Happy?”

He lay down next to me and held out an arm. “Nearly. Come here.”

I growled a little and sat up. “Do I look like a dog to you? You expect me to just leap to do your bidding now? You are not my master, shadow-walker.” I was tempted to set his bed on fire. But it seemed a waste. It was really quite comfortable. Maybe I’d set it on fire later. When I was done sitting on it.

He just stared at me, patient and unaffected. “Aahil.”

“Fine,” I sighed, flopping back down with my head on his shoulder. “Enjoy the moment while it lasts. I hear burning to death is a painful way to go.”

He just looped his long arm around me and settled me closer to his side. “Need a blanket or anything?”

I huffed. “I hate you.”

He just patted my hip. “I know.”

“The light one there,” I said imperiously, pointing at the folded throw that lay over the chair on his side of the bed. Even that was boring. Gray and white cotton. Not a scrap of color or rich fabric to be seen.

He stretched out and grabbed the stupid blanket, then spread it over us. “There,” he said happily. “Isn’t this much better than that dusty room upstairs?”

I put my hand on the center of his chest, for lack of a better option. “What is going on right now?”

The boogeyman just gave me a little squeeze. “I believe we said we were coming here to cuddle, Aahil. Comfort. That is what’s going on. Nothing more. At least… not while you’re hurting. We can definitely discuss it later, if you want. But you’re not the only one who could use a bit of a snuggle.” He sighed, his handsome face finally losing its humor and reflecting some of the sadness I felt. “I miss them too, you know.”

I pressed my face against his shoulder and muffled my frustrated groan. “Fussing. Kid gloves. Babying me like I’m some fragile flower. Is everyone in this damned mansion a complete dumb ass?”

“Aahil?” Ambrose placed the first two fingers of his free hand under my chin and tilted my head up, forcing me to look at him. His skin was inhuman. Soft and supple like midnight velvet. And yes, I wanted more of his gorgeous blue-black skin touching mine for reasons besides just boring comfort.

“What?” I sniped.

“Shut up and accept the comfort already,” he said firmly. Then his full lips caressed mine, just for a moment, soft and undemanding, but full of promise. “Let me help you sleep and unload some of your pain. We can talk about how badly you want me to fuck you some other time. Sound good, darling?”

I huffed, heat suffusing my face and neck. “Disgusting.”

“Shh… sleep firecracker.”

I felt the boogeyman magic wash over me, but I didn’t fight it. He was right. I was exhausted. I hadn’t slept much at all since Hasumi’s death, too plagued by nightmares to actually fall asleep. But this man was a master of dreams—or nightmares—and I found myself slipping off into a dreamless sleep almost immediately, cradled in his oddly safe embrace.