Page 5

Chapter 5

Andy

R iver looked down at the small pillow that covered his lap, his shiny black hair falling forward to hide his face. “I shouldn’t have kept secrets from you,” he said with a tired sigh. “Not with everything that’s going on.” He lifted his head again, as if forcing himself to meet my eyes. His citrine gaze was filled with a wealth of emotion that I couldn’t begin to sort out. But there was definitely some old pain lingering there. “It’s just second nature to me now, to keep that part of me a secret.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, truly puzzled. It was an amazing ability. One I’d never heard of. Even the Lovell coven couldn’t manipulate time. If they could… Oh.

River gave me a wry, bitter smile at whatever expression he saw on my face. “Exactly,” he said, his deep voice tired.

Aahil snorted softly off to my side, apparently reaching the same conclusion that I had. River glanced at Zhong, but the sweet gargoyle was a bit slower to catch on.

“It’s a trait in some cat lines. Why do you think cats have a reputation for always being under foot? It’s a natural perception, when one can literally shift time and appear seemingly out of nowhere,” River said with a bit of wry humor. Then he grew serious again. “But even among my kind, not many have the ability to manipulate time. It’s a rare and powerful ability. And rare, powerful abilities tend to make you a prime target for people who want to use you for nefarious purposes,” he explained softly.

Zhong let out a long-suffering sigh that seemed to mourn the way the world worked. Poor sweet thing. “Of course.”

“And,” River said with a wince, “even if their requests to use my power come from a place of good intentions… well, as you can see, sometimes I fail. Spectacularly.”

It hurt. The reminder of Hasumi’s loss made me see it all over again in my mind’s eye, the person I loved dissolving before my eyes because they had attempted to protect me. A meaningless gesture, since River was able to yank me out of the way of the stupid fucking spell. But none of us had known that at the time.

A small, dark part of me still wanted to be angry at the shapeshifter, wanted to blame him for Hasumi’s death. But I knew that wasn’t fair. And the agony in River’s eyes as he watched me struggle with my feelings was proof enough that he had done the best he could.

“Even if you had all known about my abilities, I doubt any of your lovers would have simply stood there waiting for me to save you,” River said softly. “I’m so sorry Andy. Believe me, I tried. I tried so fucking hard to…” He stopped and cleared his throat.

“Its limited,” he said after a moment’s pause. “What I can do. It varies a little bit depending on the situation—the magic around me, how tired I am. But typically, I can only go back a little under a minute from the present. Sometimes, that tiny blip of time is enough to make a big difference. That’s why Bella sent me to the SA. I could sneak around more effectively than anyone else. And if I knew I was about to get caught, I could shift time just enough to loop back and take myself somewhere else. But sometimes, it’s nowhere near enough.” He swallowed some strong emotion, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “I can do it a few times in a row, but every time I use the ability back-to-back, the window shrinks, and my innate magic is depleted.”

“You were so exhausted,” Zhong said quietly, his deep, rumbly voice full of compassion. “Back at the clearing.”

River huffed a bitter laugh. “I tried. Over and over. I just couldn’t get everyone out of the way in time, no matter how far I stretched the limits of my magic.” He squared his shoulders and glanced between Zong, Aahil, and me. “I know it sounds callous, but… the outcome could have been far worse. Would have been, if I hadn’t depleted every bit of magic I possessed trying to find a way to avoid catastrophe.”

Aahil scoffed, and I glanced at him to see a bitter sneer on his beautiful face. The sight caused a deep pang of pain in my gut. Goddess, he must feel so lost. So angry. And yet, nothing was on fire at the moment. So, I supposed he could sneer all he liked.

River met the jinn’s dangerous gaze head-on. “I know you don’t believe me,” he said flatly. “I know you’re hurting. But…” He glanced at me, then back at Aahil. “What if you had lost both of them?”

A muscle flexed in Aahil’s lean cheek as he clenched his jaw so hard I was afraid he was going to hurt himself. And still, no words escaped him. No poison or accusations. But his golden eyes were full of fire, blazing with fury. Or… maybe with panic at the thought of losing both of his anchors?

“I watched you all die,” River whispered, looking down as he fiddled with the trim on his makeshift crotch cover. “In one combination or another. This was the best I could do. The least casualties I could manage.”

Aahil launched himself so fast I didn’t even see him move. One moment, he was sitting there, seething. The next moment, he was pinning River to the ground, straddling the other man’s chest with a forearm against his throat. “Aahil!” I shouted, grabbing his free arm and attempting to pull him off the unresisting shifter.

“What’s one more casualty ,” the jinn hissed, not even looking at me. “He says the word like it’s such a small thing. Like it means nothing to him. Let me show him just how casual murder can be.”

His skin was burning hot, and my fingers felt scalded just from holding onto him. River’s skin was probably blistering. “It’s not his fault!” I snapped. “Blame the fucking cult, you idiot. Not the guy who saved my fucking life. Hell, if you really need someone to blame, blame me!”

I didn’t realize I felt that way until the words escaped my lips. Aahil’s furious gaze snapped to me at the same moment Zhong stood and bodily lifted the jinn off the shifter like he was picking up a misbehaving child.

“It’s no one’s fault!” the gargoyle snapped, plonking Aahil roughly down beside me and crossing his arms over his massive chest to glare down at us like a couple of idiots. He rarely directed any sort of anger toward me or the others in our little family. But he certainly seemed pissed off now. It was only then that I remembered the big gargoyle had a soft spot for the cat shifter.

River sat up, rubbing the reddened skin of his throat as he replaced his modesty pillow. “He’s right,” he said hoarsely. “As much as we might feel otherwise, as hard as it is to believe it, I didn’t cause Hasumi’s death. I simply couldn’t manage to prevent it. And it certainly wasn’t your fault Andy.” He sighed. “Though I feared you would feel this way. I knew the moment I made the choice, that I would be hated for it. Just… keep the blame pointed at me, beautiful. Don’t turn it on yourself.”

I swallowed down the tears that wanted to escape, and my voice was shaky when I spoke. “But I’m alive, when Hasumi isn’t. You chose me. You should have saved Hasumi instead.” My hands fisted in the soft cushion beneath me. “I’m not worth anyone’s life.”

River snorted. Lifting a dark brow, he nodded toward Aahil and Zhong. “I think they’d disagree. And more importantly, I knew Hasumi just long enough to know that they would feel the same way. If given the choice, your weaver would have chosen you.”

He gave me a sad look. “Hasumi did choose you, the moment they stepped in front of that spell to shield you.”

I shook my head, but River reached out and gripped my shoulder, making me look at him. “You’re the center, Oleander. The glue that holds this whole place and all the people in it together. And even if that wasn’t the case…” His gaze was unwavering. “I couldn’t let you die. I just… couldn’t. It had to be you.”

The sob I had been trying to hold back finally escaped, and I found myself crushed between Zhong and Aahil, bawling like a baby. I wanted River to be wrong. I wanted to deny everything he had just said. But deep down, I knew he was right. At the very least, without me our pocket world sanctuary would collapse, leaving everyone at the mercy of the people who wanted to kill or use them.

And… maybe he was right about the rest too. It was a staggering thought, that I might mean so much to so many people. But the proof was right there, in the way Zhong petted my hair and Aahil—standoffish, emotionally constipated Aahil— clung to me as I cried. Somehow, I had become important for more than my coveted evil Lovell blood.

“I need to go,” River said, interrupting my life-altering epiphany.

I struggled free of Zhong and Aahil to look at River in surprise. “Go? Go where?”

He ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back away from his face. “Home. Back to Magea.”

A wave of panic hit me like a ton of bricks. He wanted to go home. To leave.

The strength of my reaction to that left me breathless. "What? No! You can’t leave.” I reached for his hand, clutching it desperately. “I’m sorry. We’ve all been terrible to you, I know. None of this was your fault and… you did the best you could. I… thank you. Thank you for saving me. For saving the rest of them. I… you can’t leave .”

He tilted his head, giving me a strange, surprised look as he squeezed my hand in return. “I won’t be gone long. I just need to retrieve something from my old home.”

He… oh. I felt myself blush at the realization. He wasn’t planning to leave leave. He wasn’t so fed up with us—with me —that he had decided he wanted nothing more to do with us. Why was that such a relief?

“You can’t go back to Magea,” Zhong said, ever the voice of calm and reason.

River bristled a bit at that, releasing my hand and glancing between the three of us as if he was preparing for a fight. “Why not? You said I wasn’t a prisoner here. When you freed me from the SA. You said I could come and go as I wished. Am I under house arrest now?”

I shook my head. “Of course not. It’s just…”

“It’s a stupid risk, you idiot,” Aahil snapped. “You claim to possess some sort of reasoning abilities in that empty head of yours. Surely you cannot be that stupid.”

River stared at the jinn as if Aahil had just grown two heads. I fought a reflexive smile at his expression. I knew that feeling well. But by this point, I was no longer shocked by Aahil’s mood swings. I knew the little terror cared about people more than he ever wanted to let on. I wasn’t the least bit surprised he was being protective of River, not really. The shifter was one of us. No matter how angry the jinn might be at him right now.

The death threats from earlier were just part of the whole “Aahil Cares” package. My jinn was a complex creature.

“What Aahil means to say,” I said with a warning glance at the little jerk, “is that it’s too dangerous for you to go back to Magea right now. In case you hadn’t noticed, there is a murderous cult and a rouge government agency gunning for me and anyone who is associated with me. I’m sure they’ve noticed you joined us by now. And you just said that powerful people want what you’ve got. We do not need them capturing you and making you do their bidding.”

But the stubborn cat just pressed his lips together and shook his head. “I’m aware of the risk, but this is important. I’ll be quick.” His expression softened and he gave me a pleading look. “Bella sent me some of my things, yes, but it was just a few bare essentials. She didn’t send anything of sentimental value. There are things that I would like to have with me, since you aren’t throwing me out.”

I shook my head. He wanted to go back for some silly knickknacks? Ridiculous.

But I think we all knew I was going to cave eventually. I wasn’t prepared for the powerful puppy dog eyes the cat shifter was giving off. And he had saved my life. And been treated like crap in response.

“Fine,” I snapped. “I’ll make you a portal to your house. But you get five minutes, tops, before I send in someone with teleportation skills to drag your ass back ho—here.” Home. I had almost said back home.

Apparently, my possessive, protective impulses were just as inflamed as Aahil’s right now. River wasn’t mine . But I knew with sudden clarity that he belonged here, with us. Scrubbing a hand over my face, I stood and mentally prepared myself to make a stupid, shaky portal back to Magea for the stupid shifter.

“You might want to put on pants first,” I informed him flatly.

Aahil stood up beside me in one fluid motion, crossing his arms over his lean chest and looking down his nose at me, even though I was taller than him. “So, the mangey cat gets whatever he wants now?”

I arched a brow at him. “Like you’re one to talk, jinn. Have you ever not gotten your way?”

Zhong chuckled, a faint smile crossing his handsome face. “She’s right, Aahil.” Then he risked losing a hand, as he reached out and ruffled Aahil’s hair. “Or are you just jealous? Don’t worry, we still love you too, little one.”

Aahil gave him a glare that could melt solid stone. “Mortifying. I’ll remember this,” he promised darkly.

Zhong’s cheeks and the tips of his pointed ears went slightly pink, and he cleared his throat, turning away from the promise of retribution in Aahil’s gaze.

I smirked for a second, until reality caught up with me again and the pain washed the humor away. “Come on, cat,” I muttered. “Let’s go see how your luck magic holds up.”