Page 11

Chapter 11

Andy

E very day the news got worse. And every day, I ignored it.

I knew, deep down inside, that I couldn’t hide forever. But we had all lost something infinitely precious, and I didn’t think I could survive that again. I wasn’t sure how we survived it now.

No, that’s not right. I knew exactly how we survived losing Hasumi. It was because we had each other. Because this strange family of ours had something more powerful between us than blood. But I knew I couldn’t—wouldn’t—survive another loss. So I hid.

River’s ceremony was a good idea. It hadn’t taken the pain away—nothing could ever do that. But it softened the edges, made it easier to breathe, to remember that I still had so much to live for. So many people in my life who loved me. And that reminder of family, of clan, and love, and support… that made it easier to ignore everything going on outside our little bubble.

I might try to be a better person, but I still had evil Lovell blood pumping through my veins. So, no one should be the least bit surprised if I decided to be ridiculously fucking selfish.

But try as I might to ignore it, the news reached us. Bella had a direct link to my magic and the house, via her own evil Lovell blood. She could send shit though the wards whenever she wanted to.

Rather than pulling away to nurse her own hurt and loss, she seemed to double down on what she saw as her goddess-given mission, or whatever. The annoying asshole. Every few hours there was a flaming missive arriving on my fucking kitchen table. My first instinct was to throw them all away. Or just let them sit there in a flaming heap forever, like some immortal flame on the altar of her insanity.

But my curiosity, and the nagging of several of the more moral people around me, meant that we’d eventually end up caving and seeing what new horrors awaited us. Newspaper articles, handwritten notes and lists, and even a few more of those stupid rebel pamphlets… several times a day, every day, for what was going on three weeks now. If I ever saw the annoying pest again, I was going to strangle her just for being a pain in my ass.

I didn’t want to know what the fucked up outside world was getting up to. I wanted to remain here, safe and somewhat secure, licking my wounds. Let other people handle this bullshit. They had chased me out of both realms. Hunted me and my people even now. And even the current victims in this situation, the non-witches, other paranormal races who were now hunted by the cult… they certainly hadn’t been too keen on welcoming a Lovell witch among them, back when I was just an orphaned child trying to find a place.

They hadn’t come begging for all the Lovell’s dark secrets or black magic grimoires the way some of the witches had, but they had made it clear, with hostile looks and snide “whispers” meant to be heard, that I was scum because of who my parents were. Even the humans, who didn’t know who or what I was when I lived among them… if they knew the truth of what I was, even without knowing my family’s sordid history, they’d likely try to burn me alive or start spewing religious curses at me just for existing. Their history was rife with examples of how well they accepted witches and other creatures when they’d run into them in the past.

So, fuck them. Fuck them all, and let them sort out shit on their own. I wasn’t their fucking savior. And the people who sheltered here with me had suffered enough for several lifetimes. Fuck that noise.

Still, the damned information filtered in and lodge in my brain with every one of Bellas stupid deliveries and every quiet side eye from River, and occasionally from the others as well. The cult was continuing to attack weaker magical beings, and their attacks were getting bolder as they went after bigger places, more obvious locations.

The SA was failing to stop them. The Supernatural Alliance was too busy fighting within their own organization, weeding out betrayers and cult sympathizers in their midst. The violence and evil was snowballing, and the all-powerful government organization that was meant to protect both Magea and Planus, was slowly crumbling in on itself. Just as the cult had probably planned all along.

But it wasn’t my fucking problem. Nope. Absolutely not.

My insulin pump beeped an annoying tone, telling me my blood sugar was sky high. Probably thanks to the stress, since I’d been careful about my eating habits. Damn it, I was trying to conserve fucking inulin, since I couldn’t just run out to the pharmacy and grab a couple years supply anytime I wanted. I glared at the device as I punched buttons and gave myself an extra dose of the life-saving medicine that I was being denied by the asshats currently destroying two worlds.

“Fuckers. Fuck every last one of you shit-eating slime suckers!” I muttered to myself and the universe at large.

A big hand landed on my shoulder, startling me out of my light-hearted revelry. I jumped, then rolled my eyes. I should have felt Zhong approaching. I shouldn’t even be thinking about the bullshit that wasn’t my problem. Goddess.

“Andy?” Zhong said softly, his deep voice like a soothing balm to my slowly bubbling anger. “Maybe you should take a break.”

I huffed and clipped my insulin pump back onto my waistband. I wanted to protest. But glancing around the library, I had to admit he was probably right. Dyre had abandoned me a couple hours ago to go take a nap, because even his love of discovering new spells had been exhausted. Ancient books were strewn all over the place with pages open. There were half a dozen loose sheets of notebook paper lying around from where I had been taking notes from several books all at once. And my main notebook was currently lying open face down near the fireplace, where I had thrown it in a fit of rage just a few minutes earlier.

If I was going to stay here and hide in my safe little bubble with the surviving members of our odd little family, then I really needed to find a permanent way to keep the place from imploding. Or being attacked by angels or interdimensional beings. Or being located and infiltrated by the cult. I also needed to find a way for us to grow more food and harness more magic from the atmosphere here, since the conditions weren’t like back home and our resources were limited.

Damn it, I needed to secure our sanctuary. It was either that, or get pulled back into my psychotic sister’s bullshit and go die defending people who pissed me off.

“Andy,” Zhong said again, in his patient, “I love my master, but she is an idiot” tone of voice.

I sighed. “Fine. Fine.” Walking to the fireplace, I kicked my useless notebook into the embers. Then I turned to Zhong and gave him my best, most cheerful smile. “What did you have in mind?”

He shook his head at me, then ran a hand through his tight gray curls and over one horn. “I don’t know, master. But you are going to make yourself sick like this.”

I spread my hands and kept my smile in place. “Like what? I was just doing a little light research in my spare time.”

He narrowed his yellow eyes at me and crossed his massive arms over his chest, his tail lashing behind him. “You’ve been in here for twelve hours straight. And you only came out before that because Aahil threatened to set one of us on fire to get your attention long enough for me to shove some food into you.”

I waved away his concern. “I was just focused. You know, trying to redirect all my emotions and anger into something productive. Like permanently stabilizing the pocket world.”

He just scowled harder. But I was saved from whatever lecture he had planned by the arrival of a certain information-obsessed shapeshifter. “Hey, River,” I said cheerily.

He looked up from the book he was holding and stopped mid-step on his way to reshelve it. “Um. Hello. Are you quite alright, Oleander?” He frowned. “Don’t pull a muscle. Your face won’t actually get stuck that way, but despite the inaccuracy of old wives’ tales and childhood sayings in general, there is some good in the saying. You really will cause yourself pain by contorting your face that way for long periods of time. And it can cause premature wrinkles.”

I groaned and let my face relax. “Thanks,” I said dryly.

He shrugged and put his book back on the shelf. Then he turned back to face me, his glittering citrine eyes taking in my mutinous expression and Zhong’s exasperated stance. “May I share a story with you?” he asked, slinking closer. It seemed impossible for him not to slink. The man always moved with the same grace and power of his leopard form.

“Sure,” I said, resigned but skeptical about where this was going.

River smiled a little and came to stand with me and Zhong, crossing his arms over his chest just like the Gargoyle. I felt like I was being glared at by a couple of disapproving parents. Zhong was mad and River was “just disappointed,” probably. Like every TV show family ever. Geesh. I crossed my arms too, just to be part of the crew.

“When I was younger,” River said easily, ignoring my mocking stance. “I didn’t fit in very well among the other younglings.” He raised an eyebrow, but I didn’t comment. I knew how kids could be. And an odd duck like River was probably a prime target for childish taunting. “But,” he said with a wry little smile. “I quickly learned that when I couldn’t be outside, running in my wild form, I could hide away in the library.”

I shrugged. “Only natural for someone with your interests.”

He shook his head with a wry laugh, and I got a little distracted by how shiny his tangled, shoulder-length waves were. “It was. But it very quickly transformed from natural interest to cowardice and obsession.”

I snorted, but he continued on. “Andy, I admire your drive to learn and to push your magical knowledge and proficiency in the name of protecting yourself and those you hold dear. But take it from me, one cannot live one’s life in hiding and intellectual distractions.”

“Seems like it worked out fine for you,” I snarked back.

He took a step closer and reached out to grip my chin with the tips of his fingers, his eyes flashing. “You are maddeningly obstinate, did you know that?”

I grinned, ignoring Zhong’s snort of laughter. “I’ve been told that a time or two,” I informed River.

He shook his head. “You jest, but I’m serious, Andy. By hiding in my books, I just shut out the joy of living in the real world, of living my life. And of course, it gave the other kids one more thing to pick on me about.”

“I’m not worried about childhood bullies,” I said flatly.

Zhong moved closer to us, putting a hand on my shoulder again. “But you are missing out on living your life,” he cajoled.

My shoulders sagged. “I know, okay? It’s just… everything fucking sucks right now!”

My eyes watered with irritating tears, and I clenched my fists in frustration. Damnit! I was tired of crying. Tired of being sad. Of feeling guilty. Tired of fucking hiding, too. But I sure as shit wasn’t going to go do what the whole world seemed to want me to do and join Bella’s stupid rebellion.

My racing train of jumbled thoughts screeched to a sudden halt when River’s lips met mine. I froze for a second in surprise, but I wasn’t about to pass up the invitation. I returned the kiss with enthusiasm. When we came up for air, he was still holding my chin, that small touch the only other point of contact as he looked into my eyes, amused but still. Assessing, maybe?

“I thought you said it wasn’t a good idea to make out with emotionally vulnerable witches,” I reminded him, thinking of that time by the fire, when he’d kissed me, but then ultimately rejected me.

He smirked. “As far as I know you are not currently under the influence of any mind-altering substances?”

At my minute head shake, he grinned. “Good. Then, as I said, I think the logic behind not engaging in pleasurable physical distractions when distraught is flawed.” Then he winked at me. “I’m fully willing to entertain you, if that’s what it takes to get you out of this stuffy library and into a better state of mind.”

Well, then.

I laughed. “Oh, such a noble sacrifice. Purely for my welfare, of course.”

He leaned in and playfully kissed the tip of my nose before releasing me. “Don’t be silly, witch. I don’t particularly enjoy lying. I’d much rather be straightforward. This is as much for my own good as it is for yours. But if you prefer that I recite sonnets in your name, I can. In fact, I know quite a few decent ones from a collection of books I found in—”

I put a hand over his mouth to stop him before I lost him entirely to the memory of his literary find. “No. No sonnets right now.”

He laughed, then licked my hand with that strangely textured tongue of his, prompting me to yank my hand off his face. “Perfect.”

Zhong shifted his feet, reminding us both of his colossal presence. “Should I… clean up the library for you while you’re gone?” he asked, his voice rough and his gaze anywhere but on me and River.

I snorted a disbelieving laugh. “Sure, big guy. We’re going to go fuck now. You clean the place up. Maybe make us some dinner? I think there’s some laundry to do while you’re at it…”

His broad shoulders slumped for a second there until his brain caught up and overcame his weird gargoyle conditioning. He lifted his gaze to mine, the tips of his pointed ears showing a faint bit of pink through his usual grayish skin tone. “Oh. You’re teasing me.”

River shook his head and gave me a chiding look. As if the giant hunk of man before us couldn’t take a little teasing now and then. He reached out and touched Zhong’s forearm, his face full of sympathy. “You can’t honestly believe I would just swoop in here and insert myself between you two then throw you out to do chores !”

I sighed and walked around them, headed toward the door. “He knows better,” I said with a wink at Zhong to let him know I meant it. “He knows he’s an equal with his own voice. He just needs reminding sometimes. I prefer to let him figure it out himself, since me telling him a thousand times hasn’t done the trick.”

Zhong rolled his eyes at me. “I’m not that bad.” I raised at brow at him, and he huffed. “Well, maybe it takes me by surprise sometimes still, but I’m learning. Not everyone sees my kind as second-class citizens.”

Then he looked down at River and seemed to really register what me and the shifter were saying. “Are you… sure?” he said, the confidence fading from his deep voice again.

I shook my head fondly, watching as he and River interacted. Zhong had made it clear that he wanted to keep River around, and I wasn’t blind. I could tell he wanted him for more than just a friend and lap cat. But how did River feel about the situation?

No one in this little harem of mine had expressed any issue with sharing thus far—once they worked through their personal stuff. And river had asked about sharing Aahil. But maybe this was different? I got the feeling Zhong wasn’t just being kind and offering to step aside. But I’ve certainly been wrong about things a time or two… hundred… in my life.

River just smiled up at the big gray softie, his citrine eyes sparkling. “Mmm… yes. I do like variety in my bed. And I admit, I’ve been wanting to fuck you since the moment you swept me up in your arms and carried me up the stairs that first day. Do you remember that? Or was I just another chore for you to deal with?” He rubbed his hand up and down Zhong’s arm big, muscular arm, and I had to stifle a laugh at his sly, flirty tone, so different than the way he flirted with me. River really was… versatile.

Zhong turned as red as I’ve ever seen him. It was quite a feat, with his gray skin. His throat worked as he swallowed a few times before he managed to reply. “I remember.”

River grinned, showing his sharp canines. “Yay.”

I lost control then, my laughter escaping me. “Yay,” I said in a similar tone of voice. “Goddess, River, you really are something.”

He glanced at me in surprise, but the hint of wariness that flashed over his features was gone the moment he saw that I wasn’t mocking him. “I do try.”

Zhong cleared his throat and glanced between us. “Should we… um… upstairs?”

And that was fucking adorable. The poor gargoyle still couldn’t make full sentences. He really did have it bad for the shifter.

“I mean…” I said slowly, forcing my voice to sound almost serious. “I wouldn’t want to interrupt whatever this is.” I waved a hand to indicate the two of them.

Zhong shook his head at me. But River growled a low animal growl and leapt forward, startling a stupid yelp out of me. “Lead the way, witch,” he purred, his eyes starting to glow. “Maybe run a little?”

It was my turn to stare at him in lusty disbelief. Was he being serious right now? Did he actually want me to act like… prey? And why the fuck did that turn me on?

Squaring my shoulders and lifting my chin in my best haughty, old-money witch imitation, I turned away from him. “A witch would never run from a lowly animal. As if I’d ever be scared of you.”

Then I opened the library door, and ran like my life depended on it.