Page 3

Chapter 3

River

I had explained to Zhong… and to the jinn, I supposed, since he was technically in the room at the time, though he hadn’t participated in the conversation at all. And yet, the two of them acted like nothing had changed. Zhong still treated me with calm kindness and gentle understanding. And Aahil still ignored me like I was a piece of furniture. Just like always.

I didn’t understand. I was used to being met with fury and questions. With all the reasons why I should have done something differently, as if anyone understood my powers and their limitations—the blessing and the curse—better than I did myself.

Their reactions were unusual. So, I hadn’t expected the witch to react the same way. I chose her life over that of her lover. Of course she would hate me. I should go back to Magea. Rejoin the rebels. Continue on with my life. But for some reason, I just couldn’t make myself leave.

Somewhere, some deep, instinctual, animal part of me apparently considered this strange group of people my family. My home. And while I knew I had done wrong and deserved to be punished… I still didn’t want to go anywhere else.

Stupid. I was a catperson. Not a dumb, pack-obsessed canine. My kind were powerful loners, content to range far and wide before returning to our family for a time, only to eventually long for the independence of a good gad-about again. I loved traveling. Gathering experiences and knowledge. Learning new things and seeing new places. Meeting new people. I would protect my family and my people to the death—as evidenced by my willingness to join the rebels in the first place. But I usually wasn’t so needy.

I needed… I needed closeness. Belonging. I wanted to be stroked. To be loved. To sleep in a pile with these people in the sunshine. To bask in the way they let me be myself without more than a friendly passing joke. They didn’t care if I asked too many questions, or touched all of their things, or acted like an oversized pet when the mood took me. So maybe… maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to stay with them. Maybe I wouldn’t feel the need to escape them like I did my other family, when their judgements got to be too much to bear.

But now I had gone and ruined it.

And on top of that, I had shifted to cat form against my will, and I couldn’t seem to fucking shift back. That hadn’t happened since I was a kid. It was embarrassing.

Andy’s concerned gray gaze landed on me and I let out a pathetic mewl. I felt like a failure. And an embarrassment. And apparently, my psyche wouldn’t let us leave this form. It was safer here. Where I couldn’t talk. Where the animal parts of me didn’t care about things like judgement or disappointment. But the human side of me kept breaking through, ruining the relief my shifted form offered. It was miserable.

Andy’s concern shifted to anger, and she shouted at me. Told me to leave. But she couldn’t make me leave if I didn’t want to. I was a jaguar. Strong. Fast. Dangerous. I would stay or go as I pleased.

I shuddered. I might be a shifter, but I wasn’t a cat. Not really. I was a person. And this was ridiculous. Sulking like a child.

I saw it all over and over again on replay. Every version of events that my time travel abilities allowed me. All the deaths. All the horrible ways it could have ended. And my mind landed on the final one. The version I chose. Where that beautiful, kind, caring water weaver was vaporized before my eyes.

I chose that.

I shook my head, running a paw over my face as if I could wipe away the images. Images that were joined by others. Other times I’d had to use my abilities to save people. Times I’d failed. Times I’d had to choose.

My thoughts were a tumbling, jumbled mess. Memories, regrets, weak bits of self-defense, yearning. By all the gods and goddesses and deities ever imagined, I just wanted to escape my own mind. I didn’t want to be River anymore. I wanted to be a jungle cat, lounging by a river, with no thoughts or cares other than the warm sun on my fur and what I would catch for lunch.

A hand touched my fur, and part of me wanted to rip it off. I wasn’t a house cat, I was wild thing. But the soft touch brought with it a familiar aura of earth and power. Growing things. The potential hidden in a tiny seed. Earth witch. My witch.

No. Not my witch. Theirs. Andy.

I opened my eyes and looked up to find her kneeling beside me, tentatively stroking my head. “I’m sorry,” she said simply. “I’m hurting, and it apparently turns me into a cruel bitch. I don’t know you well, but I’d like to think I’ve gotten to know you well enough these past few weeks to know that you wouldn’t let Hasumi… die… without a reason.” Her voice cracked and she choked up over the last few words, her pain still raw and all-consuming.

Pain I had contributed to, even if it wasn’t by choice.

But she didn’t tell me to leave again. Her gaze didn’t hold blame, or disappointment, or judgement, and I felt something change inside me. Safety. I glanced at the other two men in the room, then back at the witch. I was safe here. I didn’t have to hide in my cat form. But I did need to explain. To own my decisions, horrible as they were.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to shift back to human. And this time, it worked.

Andy’s hand slid off my head and onto my shoulder as I changed shape. She blinked at me, as if surprised. “That will never not be cool,” she muttered. Then she seemed to realize that her hand had fallen lower, to rest on my bare chest. She turned bright red and yanked her hand away, clearing her throat.

“Right,” she said with a little nod, as if she was re-centering herself.

In any other circumstance, I’d find it cute. It was endearing how non-shifters always reacted so strongly to the shift. And to nudity. A small pillow smacked me in the face, and I tore my eyes away from the witch to find the little jinn glaring at me. “No one wants to stare at your limp dick,” he snapped, nodding toward the pillow he had just hurled at me.

I snorted and plopped the pillow over my lap. I quite thought several of the people in this mansion would enjoy staring at my anatomy, if we were being honest. And the feeling was mutual. But I let it go. I still wasn’t sure I would be allowed to stay after I explained myself. Pointing out that I’d be open to sampling their lovely harem would hardly help my case.

And I was just distracting myself again. Avoiding the discomfort that was to come. I could give a dissertation on the subject, thanks to my powers. And thanks to my interest in psychology journals and other publications. In fact, I had found a very unique book on the subject hidden in one of the dusty old Lovell libraries. It was written over a century ago, and archaic beliefs about how the mind and body worked were always so fascinating…

“River?”

I blinked, pulling myself back to the present moment to find Andy watching me with a weird expression that was halfway between frustration and amusement. It was an expression I was used to. Though, usually there was less amusement and more frustration.

“Sorry,” I rushed to reply. “I got lost in thought.”

She shook her head. “I’d ask what you were thinking, but I have a feeling we’d never get back around to the actual topic at hand.”

I gave her a sheepish look. “Which is…”

She rolled her eyes. “I asked you to explain what you did. During the fight. How did I end up halfway across the clearing, and what secret power have you apparently been hiding from us all this time. And why do you think I should blame you for… everything?”

I took a deep breath and prepared for the unpleasant task of explaining the living hell that was time manipulation and luck magic.