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Clarity doesn’t come after the first mile. I can still feel Finn’s lips on my neck, the light stubble that scratched at my skin as he nuzzled into me, breathing in my scent, dragging his tongue up and down the throbbing vein there. Why is that so hot?

Finn is turning my world upside down and I don’t fucking like it. Especially when it’s not just me he holds power over. My sex life may be a running joke in Aspen Ridge, but no onebut Dallas knows about my membership to Temptations. And he certainly isn’t keeping tabs on me if we both happen to be there at the same time. I meant what I said that I own my choices, but that doesn’t mean I want anyone to find out that I’m a member there. Our family? The businesses we supply to? Our customers? Our brand? Would any of them care if I were openly hooking up with a man? Fear latches onto me, propelling my legs harder and faster.

I need to be loyal. No, Ihaveto be loyal. My family, this distillery, it’s everything to me, and I have to protect it at all costs. Even if the pull to Finn is magnetic. Something tells me that fighting the tether that’s wound tight between us is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Choosing between my family and the man I’m suddenly addicted to is going to split me in two, one half loyalty and love, the other desire and destruction.

I just need to survive this nightmare. Get Finn to write the article, and then I’m out. No more physical contact. Purely professional. I can do this.

I look down at my watch. Mile three. The early morning sun beats down on my body from a near-cloudless sky that is rare for our area, warming me from the outside in. I relish the feel of it on my skin. I pump my legs harder, hoping the pain will push away the clawing desire to see Finn again. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I turn around, knowing the three miles back are going to be a grueling bitch. Maybe by then I’ll have forced thoughts of that motherfucker from my head.

Once the front of my house is in sight, I sprint the rest of the way, pumping my arms and legs as hard as I can. Stupid fucking mistake after a six-mile run in the rare heat that my body isn’t used to. But maybe I’ll actually sleep later because ofit. Without images of the sexy male who my dick seems to crave floating behind my eyelids.

I heave forward, holding myself up with my hands on my knees while I suck in gulps of air and dry heave. Sweat coats my body, my skin salty and raw. The run helped, but it’s not enough. My mind is still swirling with a storm of shit I need to figure out. “Fuck!”

I need to hit something. Maybe one of my brothers will be down for a workout before we need to be at the distillery. I check my watch, and it’s not even seven a.m.

Me: Someone meet me at Dom’s

I send off the text to my sibling group chat, my skin tight, my head pounding. I pace in my kitchen, chugging back a glass of water while I wait for one of them to respond. Goddamn, everyone is so busy now that they have lives and families of their own. I’m having a complete fucking meltdown and identity crisis, and no one is going to be up for meeting me for a reprieve.

Me: For real? What the fuck? None of you are gonna answer me?

Dallas: You didn’t use the code phrase so I figured it wasn’t important and I’m a little preoccupied

Kinsey: Eww.

Dallas: We’re finished now.

Sawyer: Poor Blaire

Liam: Ha. You walked into that one dumbass

Dallas: Shut the fuck up spunk rag

Me: For fuck’s sake is anyone gonna meet me at Dom’s or do I have to call Reid?

Liam: You don’t want to do that

Dallas: I had a shiner for weeks. I still can’t blink correctly

Dallas: Blaire says I’m crazy but I think that eye blinks slower than the other

Sawyer: You’re an idiot

Kinsey: I can come hang out with you there if you want? I can’t take a hit like they can but I can do my best for you.

Dallas: Do not hurt our little sister!

Sawyer: Use the code phrase if it’s a need Casanova, otherwise, I gotta skip today. I was up with Ivy and Grace all night

Liam: Let us know when you’re ready for a break, brother. Hannah and I are happy to help

Sawyer: We’re good right now but I appreciate it. Not ready to leave them

Fuck. Is this code phrase worthy? We set it up as protection to bail each other out of shit if it was a situation we needed help with. But I can’t even tell them my issues without it exploding completely. FUCK.

Me: I’m good. Don’t worry about it. Just bored.