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“So fucking desperate. Rubbing your cock all over me. Don’t stop until you blow.”

“Take me out so you can watch,” Finn nearly begs, his voice deep and needy.

His words roll over me, and I find myself wanting to do just that. Wanting to see his thick, uncut cock jerk until it explodes. But I can’t. I have to keep some fucking control here. Instead, Ipull him closer to me, my hands rubbing down his back until I reach his ass, jerking him upward slightly so that my thigh rests between his legs.

Finn rocks, a steady movement rolling his hips, rubbing his cock back and forth over me, until his breathing hitches and I know he’s on the edge.

I drag my tongue over his plush lips before whispering, “Come for me,” against them. He ruptures, and I swallow down every one of his moans with my mouth as I kiss him. His big, strong body shakes in my arms, and it’s such a new, surreal feeling that I want to make a core memory of it. If this is the only time I get to hold Griffin Nash while he comes undone, I don’t want to forget it.

Finn comes down from his orgasm, and I release his mouth. His eyes are heavily lidded, lust clouding over those wild blue irises, and I like that I put this look on his face.

“Fuck. I don’t know when the last time was that I finished in my pants.”

“I’m sure it happens often. Didn’t take you long either,” I joke, my lips against the warmth of his neck.

“Fuck off, Hayes.”

“You first, Nash,” I reply with a small smile on my lips.

A beat of silence passes between us. And for a moment, we’re just two confused people, suspended in this space that neither of us seems to want to leave. The outside world is pulling each of us in a different direction, but right here, between us, it’s quiet.

“I don’t know your plans, but whatever you do, leave me and my family alone, Finn.Please.”

He pulls back slightly so that we’re eye to eye, one of his hands reaching up to cup my jaw. He looks pained, like he’s holding onto something and trying to keep it locked up tight.

“You don’t know me yet, Carter, something I plan onrectifying, but I would never ruin someone’s reputation. Ever. I also would never out someone’s sexual orientation or habits. I don’t expect you to trust me with anything more than your body right now, but believe me when I say that will change. I’ll make sure of it.”

My heart flips over in my chest, a feeling so foreign I don’t understand it. This man came into my life like a goddamn wrecking ball, and I need to get some sort of control back. But how can I when he’s looking at me with those crystal-blue eyes like I’m the most important thing in the entire world. I’ve never been looked at like Finn is looking at me right now.

“Finn, I . . .” My mouth opens and closes several times before I close it for good.

Not wanting to finish my sentence, unsure what the hell would come out or whether or not I believe his words.I want to believe him.I step back, letting my eyes fall to the floor as I walk away, opening the door and leaving Finn standing alone. I don’t stop until I’ve reached my car, the outside world instantly filling my head with noise, my body going numb.

My head has never been so clouded before. My entire life, I’ve lived in the moment, never taking anything too seriously—except my job at the distillery—and even if my actions tended to be a little seedy, I’ve never had a single regret, never felt bad about anything that I’ve done.

One thing’s for sure; I damn well haven’t ever had a hookup that fucked me up so bad after. It’s like Griffin—Finn—crawled under my skin and rooted himself deep within the marrow of my bones. It’s a mindfuck. The most shocking part of it all isthat I’m not even that freaked out by the fact that he’s a man. They’ve never crossed my mind before, and I’ve seen my fair share of naked male dicks and asses at the club, and they’ve never caught my attention, but then again, I wasn’t really looking. It’s something I need to dissect later because I’m officially confused as fuck.

The bigger issue that’s taking up most of my focus is that being around Finn leaves me breathless and how I lost my head last night because of it. His touch ignites something in me that I’m convinced I was incapable of feeling. It’s like being sucked into his orbit, making him the center of my attention while he lights me up from the inside out.

I don’t know what these feelings are, but they need to stop. I’m still confused about whatever the hell it is I’m even feeling. Yet, he’s the one person I can’t have. The first person in my life to awaken some broken piece of me is the person who is hiding a world of shit. I can see it in his eyes. I should be thankful—Finn is systematically and ruthlessly tearing apart everything I thought I knew about myself. I need to put an end to it, and if Finn doesn’t stay away, I’ll have to. I just need to get him to write the article first.

What the hell could he even be hiding? I’m still not sure I believe him that he would never try to out someone, but that may just be my anxiety talking. I don’t want to let my family down, I want to get them the feature that could change the trajectory of our distillery and our town, but at what cost? I thought I could whore myself out to him, but it’s clear all self-control goes out the goddamn window when I’m with him. I can’t explain it. Like I’m walking around asleep, and one look or touch from Finn awakens me. Everything looks, tastes, and feels different.

Fuck.

Why does everything have to be so complicated? Why can’t I just have one thing in my life that is easy for me? That I can walk into and feel at ease, feel wholly myself, and not over-question fucking everything.

You feel at ease when you’re with Finn.

He needs to be purely off-limits. I don’t do emotional connection. I can’t give up control. I can’t. The thought alone scares the living shit out of me.

The pressure builds inside me, the panic getting louder and louder. My body feels warm while my blood turns cold. I need to move or I’ll blow. Quickly lacing up my running shoes, I strip out of my T-shirt and haul out of my house. I live right on the edge of downtown Aspen Ridge in a modest house that my siblings have deemed my bachelor pad. Too bad I don’t ever actually bring any dates home with me. Gives them the opportunity to be clingy. I don’t do clingy.

Women easily confuse sex with emotions, and I’m positive I lack the latter. So, it’s always been easier to fuck in a bar bathroom, the back of a car, an alley, or my favorite and first choice, Temptations.

Then why have you pictured Finn in your bed every night since you met him?

Confusion and anger nearly choke me as I pull my front door closed and hit the pavement, setting a brutal pace right off the bat. My legs are quick to warm up, but I know I’ll be paying for not easing into it later.