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Maybe that was a good thing.
Confusion at what I’d seen and what it implied suffocated me like being buried under a large, irritating, scratchy blanket and it set off my anger again. I’d learned to tone down that rush of white-hot rage and to tamp down the initial knee-jerk reactions of my youth. I was an adult, and my job working for Peter was too important to jeopardize. I’d also learned that my place by his side was to be unobtrusive. He was the star, and I helped smooth the way for whatever he was doing.
But God, how I wanted to scream right now! To break something. To make Killian open his eyes to the downward spiral of his life.
How dare he throw his life away with drugs? Especially after his dad’s addiction and viciousness to his family? Killian had promised to never touch that stuff.
My chest tightened, and my breaths again came out in furious pants. Both of these men, who were an important part of my life, were making terrible choices. And I had no idea how to help.
I plopped myself down on the massive bed, barely able to stand. The room narrowed to a pinprick of light.
I forced a deep breath in through my nose and out of my mouth. Slowly, I began my ritual.
Five. Five things I could see—there were five decorative pictures on the walls. Each one was unique enough that they were likely a custom job. My breathing eased just a bit.
Four.Four things I could touch—the blanket beneath me, the fabric of my pants, the soft pillows within reach on the massive bed. What else was there? I tugged on a loose curl—the silkiness of my hair, and lastly the feel of the wooden floor beneath my feet. My muscles relaxed.
Three.Three things I could hear—the music from the band on deck, the faint sound of people talking, and the boat engine. I let go of the piece of hair I’d been fiddling with and smoothed a hand over my leg.
Two.Two things I could smell—my lavender shampoo and the faint scent of the flowers on a nearby shelf. My panic ebbed a little more.
One.Something I could taste—this one was difficult. I dug through the small purse I had with me, grateful to find a lone mint near the bottom. I released another breath, finally feeling the relief of my muscles relaxing. I yawned. The stress of everything was wearing on me, as was the painful realization that I didn’t know Killian as well as I thought I did anymore.
Wasn’t this reckless behavior exactly what I always feared he’d fall into when we lost touch?
I pushed the thought away, not wanting to acknowledge the years I spent worrying about him, checking gossip sites for any mention of his name. And his damn name popped up far too often.
I should’ve known the reporters weren’t exaggerating.
It was hard to see Killian’s downward spiral into the man he vowed never to become. I curled up on the bed and let out another yawn. When we returned to shore, I’d slip off the boat and leave Killian alone for good. I didn’t need or want his help now. I’d figure out the situation with Peter by myself.
All the emotions running through me had taken their toll, and soon exhaustion claimed me. I shut my eyes, letting the sounds of the party become background noise. Enveloped by the most comfortable mattress I’d ever laid on, I allowed the rocking of the boat to lull me further into letting go.
I’d get up in a minutewas my last thought.
Chapter Ten
KILLIAN
The boat began to slow, a noticeable but smooth change under our feet. “What’s going on?” Eva asked, snuggling further into my side as though she needed me to steady her. She’d kept pushing for me to take her below, but tonight, the idea of taking her to bed didn’t appeal to me.
“I’ve got some business to take care of.” I tucked a few loose strands of hair behind her ear, not feeling the same rush of attraction to her I normally did.
She clung to my side. “I’ll go with you.”
“Not tonight.” I eased away and began the trek to the pickup spot. Not missing the glare she tossed my way or how she immediately started to whisper furiously to her friends, she probably knew something was off.
Tonight might just be the last night I engaged with her. If she’d begun to expect more from our casual arrangement, that was it.
As I approached the area, I noticed my new friends helping two men aboard from the boat drawn up alongside the yacht. I hung back, waiting to be introduced. Once they stood before me, I closed in.
They were both imposing figures, dressed to blend in with the colors of the night. A darkness swirled around them. Something I could appreciate.
This was it. The faint buzz of nerves just below the surface of my skin kept me sharp.
The one on the right laid his hand by his right hip, near the gun I caught a glimpse of. The other fixed dark brown eyes on me and grunted, as if, finding me inadequate. Distaste curled the corners of his mouth and was a clear indication he was put off that I demanded this meeting. “You wanted to see me.”
“I did. No offense, but after being a longtime customer and now associate, I’m at risk. It was time to put a face to the name.” Nikol Petrosian, his boss, was elusive at the best of times.