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Tris drew in a deep breath and let it out. “Peter’s a good guy. He’s fun and charismatic, and he makes me feel like I have value.”
I narrowed my gaze and wanted to callbullshit, but stopped myself.
“I know you don’t think so after the gift he gave me last week, but that’s one instance out of many others where hehasshown me he cares about me.” Her tone became somewhat beseeching, like she was trying to convince me of something. “Besides his sister, he’s never known true, unconditional love, Killian. I need to show him what that’s like.”
I scoffed at the idea of Peter lackinganythingin his life. “I can’t say I’ve had much of that either,” something I avoided dwelling on, “but he’d have to be a fucking moron not to see how much you care about him.” If she thought I was going to feel sorry for the asshole, she was mistaken.
She must’ve sensed I was wavering, because hope beamed brightly in her eyes and I wanted to lose myself in it. To feel for a single moment what it would be like to be loved by Tris.
“Believing I care about him is a struggle for Peter. Once I get him to really see me, he’ll believe it.” She was so sure of herself.
Too bad I couldn’t convince her how wrong she was.
“And if he doesn’t?” I had to push her to see that what she dreamed about wasn’t reality.
“Then I walk away.” She lifted one shoulder as a sad frown touched the corners of her lips. “Because, isn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again?”
I snorted, unable to hold back.
This time she rolled her eyes at me. “Killian, I’ve never pushed or changed who I am to get him to notice me. I just assumed, with enough time, enough years of being there for him, I’d earn his love. And he’d come to the realization that he can’t live without me. Just like I can’t live without him.”
Fierce, hot anger and jealousy roiled and bubbled up like lava from my gut, searing up my throat. “You know what I don’t get, Tris? He treats you like shit andstillyou swear you can’t live without him.” I pointed at my chest. “Yet, I treated you like the treasure that you are and you somehow managed to easily tossmeaside.” The bitter thoughts I’d bottled up inside vociferously erupted, I couldn’t stop them—and I wasn’t even sure I wanted to.
I hated sounding like such a whiny bitch, and revealing my vulnerabilities to her was a really bad idea. But the question ofwhyshe’d let me go had never been answered. And what can I say, repressed emotions and hurt feelings were assholes.
She tentatively reached out and cupped my cheek with her hand feathering her thumb along my cheekbone. I reinforced the walls around my heart and fought the desire to turn my headand give in to her sweetness, to nuzzle her soft skin and place the lightest kiss to the center of her palm.
“Letting go of you was not easy.” The confession—like broken glass—ripped away at my soul.
“You could’ve fooled me.” Our eyes connected, and I was captured by the intensity in her gaze.
I couldn’t have looked away, even if I wanted to.
“Regardless of how I feel about Peter, I’d always hoped we’d all remain friends. But you left us behind and never looked back. I couldn’tbelievehow easily you were able to give up everything we were to each other.” She sniffed as fresh tears pooled in her eyes. “You’re just as much at fault for our friendship fizzling as I am, Killian.”
My heart beat an unsteady rhythm as I processed her words.
What Tris didn’t know—and what I’d never tell her—is that I had to walk away. If I hadn’t, I’d have lost myself waiting for her to notice me. Because I finally figured out that Peter meant more to her than I ever could, and knowing that was killing me a little bit each day.
“Help me understand something, Tris.” I pressed her. “Why did you expect me to be happy for Peter when he secured that recording contract, yet you couldn’t understand what a shitty thing he did by conveniently forgetting he had a partner in the deal? He and I promised each other we would do that together. He broke that promise, notme, yet you still took his side.”
The flood gates were open now and there was no stopping them. Without meaning to, I’d basically thrown my heart out there to be easily stomped on … again.
Max, the dick, would no doubt give me merciless amounts of shit later about what a pussy I was during this entire conversation.
“He was our friend.” A pained expression crossed her face. “And friends should be happy for each other’s success. If it hadbeen the opposite, I’d have been just as happy for you and told him the same.”
I hadn’t considered that before. At the time, it just felt like one more way Peter had wrapped Tris around his little finger.
“Somehow, I have trouble believing that.” Sarcasm shoved aside my vulnerability.
Even now, I knew if the situation had been reversed, she’d have found a way to side with Peter.
Because he always won.
I leaned out of her grasp and her hand fell away.
I needed space from her.